How would you classify hops as personality traits?

I have 4 brothers, 2 on my moms side and 2 on my fathers side.
I thought about doing an IPA using 4-5 types of hops using a particular trait from each one. I have one brother who is hard working, another who is "lost" one who is lazy and another full of life. If you could take all the hops and make them into a trait how would you do it? I know this sounds weird, it might not be possible, but if you could how could it be done?

I would call cascades a hard working hop for their good yeild and dependability and very well used hop for many many beers.Its a start.

Columbus: hard working bittering hop that can be used in almost any beer
Amarillo, Cascade, or Sorachi: strong fruity hops, "Full of life"
Glacier, Fuggles: mild hops, will get "lost" in the mix and be too "lazy" to contribute to the flavor.

Those are all great suggestions. What about "late bloomer" hops?