This is terrible! But I "chuckled" anyway...

[bmason1623]

An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes out and says, "I'm sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which only allows you another 6 weeks to live."

"But Doctor," Bill replied, "I feel great. I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?"

After a moment the doctor said, "Well, you might start going down the street to that new health spa and take a mud bath every day."

Excitedly Bill asked, "And that will cure me?"

"No," replied the doctor, "but it will get you used to the dirt'

 

[Hammy71]

 

[Hang Glider]

"How many is two plus two?" the teacher asks.
Little Billy works thru his fingers and says "Four."

"Good," she says, "now put your hands behind your back and tell me three plus three."
Billy takes a couple of seconds and comes back with "Six."

"Okay, Billy, that's good, but you're still using your fingers, aren't you? Tell you what, put your hands in your pockets.
Now, how many is five plus five?"



Billy fidgets a bit, then says "Eleven."

 

[GetOutThere247]

"How many is two plus two?" the teacher asks.
Little Billy works thru his fingers and says "Four."

"Good," she says, "now put your hands behind your back and tell me three plus three."
Billy takes a couple of seconds and comes back with "Six."

"Okay, Billy, that's good, but you're still using your fingers, aren't you? Tell you what, put your hands in your pockets.
Now, how many is five plus five?"

Billy fidgets a bit, then says "Eleven."

Thats a great one

 

[Homercidal]

Those were funny, but definitely not in the TERRIBLE category. I got one or two that would make everyone's opinion of me drop drastically.

Ok, here's one:

Cross country truck driver on his way and feeling very randy. He decides to stop in at this place in Tulsa where the other truckers say is the best Whorehouse in the country.
He gets there and an old lady with an eye patch opens the door. He inquires about a girl, but she tells him they are all on vacation.

BUT, she says, she can take care of his needs herself. He is dubious, and tells her so, but when she tells him he can pick out any of her girls for a freebie on his next visit if he is not completely satisfied, he just can't turn her down.

They go in and she sits down in a rocking chair and removes her eye patch and tells him to climb aboard. He is repulsed, but also intrigued! He manages mount the rocker and starts going to town on her eye socket.

It's amazing! He is quickly finished and as he gets down off the rocker he tells her she was right and forget the girls! Next time he is stopping by to see HER again!

"Nice to hear it!" she says. "I'll keep an eye out for ya!"

 

[Hang Glider]

Those were funny, but definitely not in the TERRIBLE category. I got one or two that would make everyone's opinion of me drop drastically.

I honestly don't think this is possible...

 

[Goofynewfie]

man walks into the doctors office, and says " doc you gotta help me! My penis is bright orange!"
the doctor is curious so he asked to take a look." I've never seen anything like that, take 1 of these pills every night and if that does not work come back in a week"
1 week later a man is back at the doctors office
" no change doc"
so the doctor thinks about it for a few minutes, give him another pill and says " take to of these every night if that does not work I'm back in a week"
1 week later same guy is back" doc orange is so bright it almost glows now" so the doctor sits down and he thinks, finally he said he has no idea." what did you do this weekend" he asks
" nothing really,picked up my pay cheque friday, giant bag of cheetos, watched a little porn............"