The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear Earring People,

my MIL has finally stopped giving my wife earrings and containers for earrings. my wifes' ears haven't been pierced since she was a young child.

Sincerely,
Brbrblmbmbmbmbbpbpbpbpbtttt!

 

[balrog]

Dear Brbrblmbmbmbmbbpbpbpbpbtttt!

You win.

Sincerely,
Will eventually realize nothing beats the Klubb

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear Brbrblmbmbmbmbbpbpbpbpbtttt!

You win.

Sincerely,
Will eventually realize nothing beats the Klubb

Dear Klubb Beater,

A Billy Klubb is useless against an atom bomb. Or a serious political debate.

Sincerely,
El Coo Cooi

 

[Hamaki]

Dear Klubb Beater,

A Billy Klubb is useless against an atom bomb. Or a serious political debate.

Sincerely,
El Coo Cooi

Dear El Coo Cooi,

Haven't thought about you for decades.

Sincerely,

La Llorona

 

[Fedora]

Dear Saturday Night,

Let's do this sh*t.

Sincerely,

Shot O'Rum and Best Bitter

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear Saturday Night,

Let's do this sh*t.

Sincerely,

Shot O'Rum and Best Bitter

Dear HBT,

I think this guy is ready to start a riot.

Sincerely,
Molotov Ale

 

[Zepth]

Dear Cold Break,
Welcome to Fermenterville!
Sincerely,
No wort left behind.

 

[TXCrash]

Dear toilet paper,
I fear there isn't enough of you on this roll, I guess I'm about to find out. Other rolls are in the hallway closet.

Sincerely,
ALWAYS check that there's enough tp to do the business at hand.

 

[Brewer_Ben]

Dear, ALWAYS check that there's enough tp to do the business at hand.
Good thing you are at home and not in a port-a-john.....

Sincerely, been there... done that...

 

[GilSwillBasementBrews]

Dear, ALWAYS check that there's enough tp to do the business at hand.
Good thing you are at home and not in a port-a-john.....

Sincerely, been there... done that...

Dear been there done that,

Sounds like a $h!tty situation.

Sincerely,
Better you than me.

 

[Black Island Brewer]

Dear toilet paper,
I fear there isn't enough of you on this roll, I guess I'm about to find out. Other rolls are in the hallway closet.

Sincerely,
ALWAYS check that there's enough tp to do the business at hand.

Dear ALWAYS,
At least you got your priorities straight, and have your phone in your hand while on the $hitter. You could call someone and have them bring you some tp.
Sincerely,
Or you could wipe your a$$ with your phone

 

[Beernik]

Dear Aunt,

I finally found the Nuremberg Angel tree topper you left me. It will be going on the Christmas tree tonight. I'm sorry I lost it in a box in the garage for four years.

Sincerely,
Nephew

 

[balrog]

Dear Aunt,

I finally found the Nuremberg Angel tree topper you left me. It will be going on the Christmas tree tonight. I'm sorry I lost it in a box in the garage for four years.

Sincerely,
Nephew

Dear Nephew
First thought: awwwwwww
Second automatic thought: was it a cross eyed Nurenberg Angel with a hat?
Sincerely
HBT
browsing awhile Pished

 

[Beernik]

Dear HBT browsing while phished,

I could dub her "Angel Four Fingers" if that helps. She seems to have had a run in with the yakuza at some point.

Sincerely,
Nephew

 

[Fedora]

Dear HBT,

I think this guy is ready to start a riot.

Sincerely,
Molotov Ale

Dear Molotov Wielder,

Funny you should say that. I hold the prestigious position of being the only person to ever be charged with Inciting a Riot in Carroll County, AR. That was back in my wilder days.

Fvckin rained rum and homebrew last night.

Sincerely,
Pepper Spray Sucks

 

[Hamaki]

Dear HBT browsing while phished,

I could dub her "Angel Four Fingers" if that helps. She seems to have had a run in with the yakuza at some point.

Sincerely,
Nephew

Dear Nephew,

Angel is not missing a ring finger, like X-eyed peace Jesus on a hat, is she?

Sincerely,

Conspiracy Theorist

 

[ubnserved]

Dear HBT,

You asked for x-eyed Jesus.

Sincerely,
Can't decide which is worse: x-eyes Jesus or the six-fingered Sacred Heart of Jesus tattoo I once saw.

Dear X eyed jesus why do you look like you are flipping me off and why does your face look like you were just chowing on the hindquarters of a fluffy little bunny and didn't have something to clean the blood off your face?

Sincerely
Always amazed at where people "see" the images of jesus and mary and think it is a miracle.

 

[soccerdad]

Dear Amazed -

Why do you hate Fluffy Bunnies?

Sincerely,
Big fan of the Bunny - the fluffier the better

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

Dear HBT,

I think this guy is ready to start a riot.

Sincerely,
Molotov Ale

Dear Molotov Ale,

Thank you for naming my next red ale...Molotov CocktAle.

Sincerely,
I've always waited for a legitimate excuse to have the word cock on my beer.

 

[Inkleg]

Dear word cock on your beer,

You could dangle a cleaned and sanitized body part in said chilled wort.
Everyone would laugh at the name.

Sincerely,
Only you would know.

 

[Fedora]

Dear Dry Cocked,

Didn't you read Papazian's book?

Sincerely,
Old News

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear Dry Cocked,

Didn't you read Papazian's book?

Sincerely,
Old News

Dear Old News,

That's why I make ***** Stout and Scrote-ish Ales.

Sincerely,
Smegma, the Hooded Scourge

 

[ChefRex]

Dear Cock in beer,
You are crossed off of the trade list.
Sincerely, Prefer beer without a "twang"

 

[ChefRex]

Dear Old News,

That's why I make ***** Stout and Scrote-ish Ales.

Sincerely,
Smegma, the Hooded Scourge

Dear Billy
Same for you.
Sincerely, No Klubb in the beer

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear Billy
Same for you.
Sincerely, No Klubb in the beer

Dear Klubbless in Seattle,

You don't want to try my Salty Sailor Sour Ale?

Sincerely,
I Farted on a Meringue

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear Jose Andres,

You talk funny on the PBS and you put weird sayings on your menus and you come up with absolutely bat**** food sometimes, but you really do know what you're doing.

Sincerely,
Oh my god that salmon and black hummus, oh my god.

 

[mishadude]

Dear makers of uncalibrated thermometers,

You suck, my ice water isn't 77 degrees, and my body temp isn't 128.
Sincerely,
Don't ask where I put the probe.

 

[Beernik]

Dear Wife,

When relaying to me a family story that extends to second cousins, I'm going to need a diagram of the family tree with pictures if I'm going to follow.

Sincerely,
Married to a Puerto Rican

 

[Beernik]

Dear Child of Mine,

Hot Topic has Sailor Moon, Inuyasha, and other anime stuff on sale. Got 5 things you like For the price of one of the "collectables" you were showing me. They will be under the Christmas tree.

Sincerely,
Dad is Awesome

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear Dad,

What have your kids done to Hot Topic???

Sincerely,
Getting Old... I guess..

 

[ubnserved]

Dear Amazed -

Why do you hate Fluffy Bunnies?

Sincerely,
Big fan of the Bunny - the fluffier the better

Dear fluffy fan,
I don't hate the fluffy bunny they taste just as good as the non fluffy ones. It all depends on how they are prepared. A friend makes a hell of a rabbit float and my son made rabbit stew while he was home on leave.
Sincerely,
Haven't had chicken fried bunny since I was in basic many many moons ago.

 

[Psylocide]

Dear Fluffy Bunny Lovers,

I also love fluffy bunnies... I've got 4 in the freezer since the beginning of winter. A few more and I'll have myself a nice big stew. A couple more bushy tails and I'll make some tasty fried squirrel and pan gravy.

Sincerely,

Back patio recurve hunter... love this time of year. Elderly neighbors that feed all these critters, not so much.

 

[rlmiller10]

Dear Fluffy Bunny Lovers,

I also love fluffy bunnies... I've got 4 in the freezer since the beginning of winter. A few more and I'll have myself a nice big stew. A couple more bushy tails and I'll make some tasty fried squirrel and pan gravy.

Sincerely,

Back patio recurve hunter... love this time of year. Elderly neighbors that feed all these critters, not so much.

Dear Back patio recurve hunter,

Those neighbors just fatten them up and ensure a healthy population for the pot. They should be encouraged.

Back patio pellet rifle hunter

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear lcl newspaper & lcl phonebook companies, I'm tired of you leaving your worthless products (hereafter know as "litter") on my porch steps, in my driveway or on my lawn. I do not want them, I do not need them. If you continue this activity, I'll reciprocate by leaving a steaming, fiber filled token of my esteem on YOUR porch, front door, car door handles, etc...
Sincerely, More than miffed in MT.

 

[soccerdad]

Dear Steaming Fiber Filled -

Do you mean fresh spent grains?

Sincerely,

There's a thread for that ;-)

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear Miffed,

I'm right there with ya. The local kids collect the "Review" newspaper that nobody reads, since we don't want to know how many people have been stabbed on the street next to us. They then have this game where they take the 50+ reviews and throw them in the back of my truck and stick them in the bumper. At least they stopped throwing cinder blocks at vehicles. One of these nights man... when its snowing and the only visibility is from the few working street lights we have left... I swear I'm going to strip down to nothing but ripped shorts, a Coors light 12 pack helmet and take a nice slow stroll down that street with my Scottish Claymore.

Sincerely,
Vivid-Imagination

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear engineer that sent around the email thanking everyone for their great work on the last project,

I'm attaching my email address to all future drawings so you can give credit where it is due.

Sincerely,
The guy that actually did the work, and got no thanks

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear Coffee Stouts,
As much as I love you, I am going to have to stop drinking you on weeknights. That Epic Big Bad Baptist I drank last night made me wake up at midnight and I couldn't get back to sleep until about 2 am. Coffee beers are now going to be reserved for breakfast where it belongs.
Sincerely,
Flocc I am tired

 

[azscoob]

Dear newspaper delivery dolt,

Thank you for getting the newspaper delivered to my house right at the crack of 09:00.... I have left the house for work hours before you get me my paper.

That's ok though, I just read it in the evening when I get in.

I would also like to thank you for getting the paper to me very early that ONE day last year, you remember the day, it was snowing like mad and it buried the paper that I figured wouldn't be delivered for a couple hours yet.

I hit that damned paper with my snowblower and immediately turned it to confetti that rained down all over my yard to disappear into the blowing snow. I was picking up bits of paper all last spring when things thawed...

Sincerely,

online newspapers beat delivery every time.

 

[Beernik]

Dear Office Manager,

If you want the vehicle emergency kits to be used, store them in the vehicles, not under your desk. Stop complaining that no one gets one from under your desk.

Sincerely,
Captain Obvious

Dear Office in General,

There is a reason I have been gone 30 of the last 50 work days. It's not me. It's you.

Sincerely,
Any day out of the office is a good day.