Let's create a pantheon of Beer Gods

[Bernie Brewer]

EAC Extraordinarius All knowing and somewhat condescending god of fermentables snobbery. Occasionally takes delight at thumbing nose at N00bulus Major and Minor. Essentially what N00bulous Major and Minor strive to be someday.

 

[Seabee John]

SWMBOTU EXBREWTAE The goddess of all things not related to brewing. She is the beginner of all wars between those who would brew and the activities standing in their way. Half sister of honeydolistus the goddess designer and scheduler of all such activities.

 

[surfbrewer]

Attenuatios - The all consuming god of fermentation.

Lautertunious - The mythical vessel in which the fermentable dieties are washed free of their chains that bind them.

 

[Poindexter]

(AHEM....33+ years Gov't service here... )

Yessir, but I think your home sun is modernisius rather than wacko. Therefore you are not a whack job.

 

[homebrewer_99]

Yessir, but I think your home sun is modernisius rather than wacko. Therefore you are not a whack job.

Dang!! missed out again...

 

[Dude]

Best. Thread. Ever. This is awesome!!!!!

A few more:

Isomerizosseus: Referred to as a "bitter" enemy to some, yet others are not as affected. Thrives in prolonged periods of heat, making it a formidable opponent.


Celiacusses: Ancient slayer of gluten eating populus. Has also been known to wreak havoc with Brewthirstus. Not entirely dominant, once defeated by lordimus Brewpastor, circa 2007 A.D.

 

[EvilTOJ]

There are rumors that if you cut the head off the Hydrometa, two more are purchased in its place :cross:

Hordeum vulgare: the lord god and basis of all brewing mythology. In the early days of time, before all other gods, him and the god of water, Aquafina, and Saccharomyces cerevisiae would work their dark magicks. Without him, the earth and heavens would be a drab, dull, and wretched place.

 

[FlyingHorse]

Gravitas, god of fermentables.

He has sired two sons:

Gravitas Maximus (by way of his love for the goddess Imperia), a mighty warrior who can strike down unsuspecting imbibers with a single dose of his wicked potion.

Gravitas Minimus (the result of Gravitas frequent dalliances with Imperia's sister Sessia) -- a light, nimble warrior who lulls imbibers to defeat with repeated small attacks.

 

[budbo]

Sphinctersanitatious Locked in a constant battle with his brother Septicimius -- to preserve freshness, Followers of Sphinctersanitatious worship at the alter of Starsanious the son of Sphinctersanitatious in their eternal struggle against Septicimius

AHEM....33+ years Gov't service here

That explains much, we will type slower to make threads easier for you to read

 

[homebrewer_99]

That explains much, we will type slower to make threads easier for you to read

D O H ! ! !


Reinheitsgebotus – The Father of All Brewing Laws. His teachings enable his strictest followers to speak in tongues throughout the known Bruniverse. The Law is forever. Long live the Law.


However, he has no control over the race of creatures known as the Mumblers and the Staggerers. They have no written language. Their ramblings are incoherent even at a high volumes except to a few Chosen Ones. Beware of them after dark. They usually travel alone and urinate on themselves quite frequently.

 

[z987k]

Yeah, the Reinheitsgebotus lands, of which the 4 elder gods of Saccharomyces cerevisiae, Aquafina, frumentum, and Humulus *****us rule.

edit: apparently l u p u l u s is a bad word?

 

[homebrewer_99]

Yeah, the Reinheitsgebotus lands, of which the 4 elder gods of Saccharomyces cerevisiae, Aquafina, frumentum, and Humulus *****us rule.

edit: apparently l u p u l u s is a bad word?

Closest I can come up with is a lot like anus...well, that one took.

 

[Yuri_Rage]

Fructus - god of fruit beers. A neutral god loved by few, despised by many.

 

[Klainmeister]

Cascadius - From the brethren of hops, this strongman of the northwest is dreaded by many, loved by few for his overwhelming power and seemingly uncontrollable presence.

 

[Silviakitty]

Hydrometeria: Wife of Gravitas and Goddess of Divination in her own right. The ancient God tricked her into his household by the promise of an inviting bath; "Come, dear lady," he spoke, "the bath is warm (but not too warm!)." She indulged in her bath and was thereafter destined to speak the truth for Gravitas.

 

[olllllo]

Sufracta:
(The Goddess of Head Denial)

Evil step sister of Crystal and Kara (the Head Givers) who seeks to deny you the head that you so richly deserve.

Never brag about how Crystal and Kara used to give you great head (sometimes in tandem) or Sufracta will take the form of SWMBO and deny head.

 

[bigben]

Iodophorius: Born on the Isle of Iodophoria where no living bacteria is known to exist. Distant cousin of Starsanious, who he unites with in eternal battle against Septicimius. However, his appearance has been stained dark brown due to his jealousy of Starsanious' elustrious foam.

 

[cheezydemon]

Berry of the Cran bush Lambica - a poison used to sicken those who would make good beer.

Homebrutus - lesser god who carried the art of beer making down from Mt Hood and bestowed it upon the mortals he found there.

His punishment from the gods was to be chained to a mountain side, with naught but BUD ICE to quench his thirst, til the end of time.

 

[FatMonsters]

Clonicus - A benevolent brew god known historically for deliverance of famous brew replications to the land of homebrewers. Shunned by many brew gods for giving the power of re-creation to homebrewers. Hated by the spirit Formulaetadon who infects homebrewers with the desire to only brew derivations of largely acccepted brew styles. Clonicus is typically seen with a lesser liked but sometimes given acceptance at the eleventh hour, god known as Substitutious (the purveyor of options in time of shortages).

 

[denimglen]

N00bulus Collegius and N00bulus Underagius

Relative to N00bulus Minor, they seek truth of table sugar and Breadius Saccharomyces cerevisiae.


Bestthreadeverrrrrrrr.

 

[cheezydemon]

Bachus - the god of WINE needs no re-interpretation and has a place among the gods of wine.

 

[Bills Brew]

Yeastimorpheous: Sister to Brewthirstus. She reproduces repeatedly and then sets out to consume all that is fermentable, and finally to die. But giving birth to "Ethanolus".

However; Yeastimorpheous is tempermental: too cold and she will be sluggish and not willing to put-out, so reproduction suffers. Too warm and she will be energetic, but will produce the ill tasting bastard child "phenolus".