Is it legal to lock a teen in a cage until 21?

[liquiditynerd]

Right there with ya. I thought I'd make it through at least the first year w/o the topic. nope, six months and it comes up weekly (at least). I also contract work so it's been feast or famine lately, kinda hard to plan. At least I made it to 35, I guess I figure if they really act up in their teens I'll be 50 and will only have to rot in jail for less time. Meh,

 

[kombat]

Creamy, the only reason you should have kids is if you cannot imagine your life without them. DO NOT let yourself be pressured into having kids you're not 100% certain you want. You will resent it forever.

Deciding not to have kids has been one of the best decisions my wife and I could possibly have made. They say, "Having kids changes everything." Why would I want to "change everything?" What's so bad about your life right now that you feel this need to "change everything?" My life is pretty sweet as it is. My wife and I can focus on each other, we sleep in on weekends, we travel whenever we want, we have more than enough money, we have a nice big, clean house, we enjoy our peace and quiet, we can engage in whatever hobbies we feel like, we get to go out to concerts and sporting events, I don't have to deal with disgusting diapers or endure insipid and vapid books and TV shows. Not to mention the constant worrying about all of the dangerous and negative influences that could affect my offspring, a few of which you outlined in your first post.

I feel kids are a magnifying glass. For a happy, stable couple, they can magnify that relationship and make it stronger than ever. But for a couple with any problems whatsoever, the kid will become a wedge, and before you know it, you'll be resenting each other and fighting.

I never felt a strong desire to have kids. I always just kind of assumed I would, because that's what people do. But once I hit my 20's, I realized I had a pretty sweet deal. I was dating the love of my life, I was partying on the weekends with friends, I was traveling, had extra cash, going to the movies, just generally enjoying life. Then as I got older, it occured to me - it didn't have to stop. As various friends and relatives got older and had kids, they gradually stopped coming out to events, festivals, concerts, camping, and traveling, always playing the "we've got kids" card. The more this happened, the more I pitied them and the more I felt my wife and I made the right decision (she never wanted kids).

I don't find kids cute. When people fawn over a little toddler doing something "cute," I have no interest whatsoever. Frankly, I find the vast majority of kids annoying. They're loud, smelly, selfish, and I have no interest at all in interacting with them. I know their parents think they're "cute," but that's because it's their kid. I would vastly prefer they keep their sticky, disease-ridden hands away from my pants.

I have had numerous parents (almost always single mothers) candidly admit that their lives were better without children. Granted, those are the ones statistically more likely to be miserable, dealing with both the financial disadvantage of trying to raise a family on a single income instead of two, while simultaneously shouldering the entire burden of running a household with no help from a partner. But still, like I said before, for a couple with latent problems, having a kid will almost certainly amplify those problems, and could turn a tolerable marriage into a looming divorce.

Besides, with the economy in the mess it's in, and with the world more dangerous than it's ever been, with global warming threatening to drown us all, with economies crumbling left and right and the US buckling under it's unbearable debt load, and the looming, crushing burden of an unsustainable Social Security program, does anybody really think the world will be better in another 25 years? Would you really want to bring a child into such a world?

Anyway, I'm sure you and your wife will be happy no matter what you choose. Good luck!

 

[kombat]

All of my friends have kids and they're all locked down and miserable. However, hopefully they'll have someone to take care of them when they're old, right?

Heh, I really dislike that argument. I tell people my wife and I don't want kids, and they follow-up with, "But who's going to take care of you when you get old?"

The same person who's going to be taking care of you: the nurses at the retirement home.

Go to a retirement home and ask the residents how often their kids visit. I suspect it will be quite eye-opening. Is 18 years of sucking your life energy worth a few hours of pity-visits per month?

 

[PistolsAtDawn]

Besides, with the economy in the mess it's in, and with the world more dangerous than it's ever been, with global warming threatening to drown us all, with economies crumbling left and right and the US buckling under it's unbearable debt load, and the looming, crushing burden of an unsustainable Social Security program, does anybody really think the world will be better in another 25 years? Would you really want to bring a child into such a world?

I share this view. I mean, I'm sure there are always these sort of concerns for each generation considering having children, but I really don't see good things down the road with the world economy. I'm fairly confident that this house of cards the US has built is going to collapse in the next few decades. I don't want to bring any children into this world just for them to have to face that sort of life.

Then there's also the genetic aspect: my family's got some health problems on both sides, and I've already started seeings some of those bad genetics in my own health. I don't want to pass those things along to anyone else.

Heh, I really dislike that argument. I tell people my wife and I don't want kids, and they follow-up with, "But who's going to take care of you when you get old?"

The same person who's going to be taking care of you: the nurses at the retirement home.

Go to a retirement home and ask the residents how often their kids visit. I suspect it will be quite eye-opening. Is 18 years of sucking your life energy worth a few hours of pity-visits per month?

Yeah, this also bugs me. Having kids so someone is there to take care of you when you're old seems to me to be the single most selfish reason one could conjure up for having children, yet I see this mentioned all the time as a good reason. I guess that would be fine if it was just a fact of the matter and played no part in the decision to have children. But I have a feeling that's not the case 9 times out of 10.

There are things I would like to do with my life. Those things probably won't be possible if I were to have children. My girlfriend has two older friends who retired fairly early. They're really great people and they love her like she was their own. She refers to them as her "Charleston Parents", which is fitting I think. They have a great relationship. Sort of a mentors-mentee sort of thing. I think I'd prefer to have this sort of thing going with someone rather than have my own kids.

 

[SudsyPaul]

Kombat has a really valid point... you really shouldn't have one unless you WANT one.

My wife was uncertain on whether or not she wanted a child (but she sucks with big decisions), so I asked her if we could have one because I decided I wanted a life-long experiment. I see having a child as fun biological, sociological and psychological experiment. To me, this is pretty much the most entertaining thing I could do with my life.

I was vehemently opposed to having children up until I was 26-27 and then I thought it was a possibility, and when I was 29 I decided I wanted 1, and only 1. I have my daughter, and there's nothing else I'd rather have in my life than her.

My idea is that with 1 child, my wife and I can do all the things that kombat speaks of, and still enjoy having a child - albeit we'll have the lifetime of worrying that we did a good job raising her and she won't do the stupid **** outlined in the OP.

Since having our child, I've picked up homebrewing and beefed up my preserves-making, gardening and wood-working. My wife has gotten into interior decorating and is trying her hand at authoring her first novel. Kids only negatively impact your life if you perceive it that way. I'm indifferent on how often I see my friends, and my good friends make the effort to accommodate my adjusted schedule. If my friends can't be bothered to accommodate my daughter's naps or activities, for the first year or two, they can go screw themselves.

My wife and I have both lived very full lives up to now, and we decided to enhance our lives with a little poop-factory. My wife and I are both children at heart, and now with an actual child involved, we can do all the things we love with her, and we don't look like crazy people. With a child, you get to experience the world a-new through their eyes. It's pretty neat.

But again... if you don't want a kid, you might not enjoy it as much as others (I've seen some accident-parents that LOVE it, some not so much). You need to have that urge to create life and see it grow, imo. I would have been a TERRIBLE father at 20-25. I was ill-equipped as an adult, and would not have made a good parent at all... I would have resented my child for holding me back from doing things I wanted to do. I've since done a whole chunk of those life-goals and developed a ton as a person, and figured I could put some life-goals on the back-burner until my daughter is robust enough to join me on my adventures Not planning on dying any time soon, so I still have a solid 50 years to do everything I want to do

 

[motobrewer]

Then as I got older, it occured to me - it didn't have to stop. As various friends and relatives got older and had kids, they gradually stopped coming out to events, festivals, concerts, camping, and traveling, always playing the "we've got kids" card. The more this happened, the more I pitied them and the more I felt my wife and I made the right decision (she never wanted kids).

eh, i wouldn't pity them. the "we've got kids card"....that's just something we like to use to get out of hanging out with people we don't like, or get out of things we really didn't want to do but never had a valid excuse to not do it.

i also learned that some single mothers regret having their kids. shocking.

 

[b-boy]

Hey, did anyone bring up the whole propogation of the species thing? That's kinda the whole point after all, isn't it?

We're evolutionarily hard-wired to have kids. You know - passing on our genes and what not.

That's no reason to have kids, but seeing that humans are just a bunch of over-evolved chimps, it should probably be part of the conversation.

I'm just throwing it out there for discussion.

 

[MalFet]

Hey, did anyone bring up the whole propogation of the species thing? That's kinda the whole point after all, isn't it?

We're evolutionarily hard-wired to have kids. You know - passing on our genes and what not.

That's no reason to have kids, but seeing that humans are just a bunch of over-evolved chimps, it should probably be part of the conversation.

I'm just throwing it out there for discussion.

Exactly! No offense creamy, but this "my wife and I are thinking about having kids" is total milksop.

Your genes want you to do what's natural: organize a raiding party and strike the nearest vulnerable village. Claim their women and horses. So say we all.

 

[MeatyPortion]

Creamy, you'll be fine. My daughter is now 13 months old and I have the utmost confidence that she will turn out fine despite having my genes.

 

[Shooter]

eh, i wouldn't pity them. the "we've got kids card"....that's just something we like to use to get out of hanging out with people we don't like, or get out of things we really didn't want to do but never had a valid excuse to not do it.

Would you PLEASE quit giving away the secrets!!!!!!

 

[Billy-Klubb]

my wife & I had kids because we wanted them. our first was not an accident, he was a surprise. he showed up a little sooner than we expected. if we could go back & change it, we wouldn't because he's our son. we wouldn't change that for anything.

 

[ladodger34]

eh, i wouldn't pity them. the "we've got kids card"....that's just something we like to use to get out of hanging out with people we don't like, or get out of things we really didn't want to do but never had a valid excuse to not do it.

i also learned that some single mothers regret having their kids. shocking.

I think most parents are guilty of thst stuff. Dreading an event and one of the kids wakes up with sniffles? Darn it, we can't make it. Don't want to get everyone else sick of course.

 

[MeatyPortion]

Here's another thing I kind of realized, that there are people who love their pets but either don't want kids or think they'll hate kids. Now, my wife was sort of in the former category but loves our daughter, loves playing with her, loves feeding her, loves cleaning the tub after Baby Portion craps during a bath, etc; she used to love her dog and was relatively sure that she wouldn't like having a kid. Surprise, surprise. Point being: if you loved your pet, you'll probably love having a kid (at least in the larval stage). Not to say that there won't be former cat owners whose cat dies, then they have a kid and want to throw themselves into a cement truck.

 

[PistolsAtDawn]

Here's another thing I kind of realized, that there are people who love their pets but either don't want kids or think they'll hate kids. Now, my wife was sort of in the former category but loves our daughter, loves playing with her, loves feeding her, loves cleaning the tub after Baby Portion craps during a bath, etc; she used to love her dog and was relatively sure that she wouldn't like having a kid. Surprise, surprise. Point being: if you loved your pet, you'll probably love having a kid (at least in the larval stage). Not to say that there won't be former cat owners whose cat dies, then they have a kid and want to throw themselves into a cement truck.

My dogs don't talk back to me.

 

[MeatyPortion]

My dogs don't talk back to me.

Neither does a baby.

 

[PistolsAtDawn]

Neither does a baby.

They don't stay babies for long.

 

[MeatyPortion]

They don't stay babies for long.

 

[PistolsAtDawn]

Ha ha! What!? Is that supposed to encourage people to have children or get a vasectomy?

 

[MeatyPortion]

What? You don't want to have a friend like Sloth? Every kid wanted one after Goonies came out.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

What? You don't want to have a friend like Sloth? Every kid wanted one after Goonies came out.

hells yeah! I was my own best friend!

 

[BigPicture]

Just wait!

I have 2 girls & 1 boy. Now in their 20's. It's true what they say, "Little kids, Little Problems - Big kids, Big problems"

My girls were as easy as pie to raise. Almost on remote control. My 1 boy has been a nightmare! Holy Smokes! I've told him all along he gets to stay home until he's 25. Then he gets the boot. I have a sneaking suspicion he'll wait until a week before his birthday, then he'll join the military.

 

[Melana]

Unfortunately, get used to it. Pregnancy causes some kind of social boundary distortion field. In the period before, during, and immediately after it, strangers and near-strangers will inexplicably feel entitled to say and do things that would be obviously inappropriate under any other circumstances.

If you really want to buy some time, tell your wife that -- for the entire duration of her pregnancy -- total strangers will comment at least once a day about what she is eating.

Agreed. I had people i didn't know walk up and touch my belly, tell me what i was eating shouldn't be consumed while preggers, and any other unwanted comments.
About a year after the baby's arrival she should prepare for the 'when is the next one due' comments. Those still piss me off.

 

[Melana]

I think the best explanation I have for what I am feeling is the fact that I agonize over every big decision. I did about moving in with SWMBO, and then about getting married, and now about this. The difference is that getting married didnt really change anything... and fortunately or unfortunately... there is still an "out".

Every time, it seems, I start feeling like I have all the information I need and I can see myself as a father I see or read something that makes me recoil in terror. Like the dad who took his eyes off his toddler for less than 30 seconds and it wound up getting flip kicked 10 feet up in the air by a breakdancer. Seriously, think Guile from Streetfighter.

We let my landlord's daughter in the house to charge her phone while she waited for her parents and she told stories about living in our apartment. Apparently her baby brother got his head caught in the bars on the back door. Great.

Or when Im on the train and there's a beautiful cute kid. And I smile and think, "yeah I could do this"... and then the little bastard lets out a high pitched scream that all but shatters the glass windows. And everyone looks at his dad like "shut the kid up or kill it I dont care which".

There's a school of thought that says if you are having these irrational fears you'll make a wonderful dad. We all have irrational fears about our kids - it's normal (even if we don't admit it we have them).

 

[JRems]

I stopped reading after the cinnamon part. A tablespoon? Really. It doesn't sound like a challenge. I just tried it and washed it down with a saison. It was pretty good combo. No hospital for me.

 

[DrunkleJon]

I stopped reading after the cinnamon part. A tablespoon? Really. It doesn't sound like a challenge. I just tried it and washed it down with a saison. It was pretty good combo. No hospital for me.

I seem to recall it is to be eaten without liquid. The trick being you think you can produce enough saliva to moisten it but only cover the outer part. Then you attempt to swallow and when you fail breathe in and cough out a cloud. No thanks.

I do seem to remember there was a "challenge" about eating x number of crackers in under a time limit that was the same way something like 12 years ago.

 

[ishkochito]

I wanted to wait until my wife and I were sure that we were ready to have kids, financially and otherwise. It took my wife a while to convince me that we were probably as ready as we would ever be and that we weren't getting any younger (in our 30s). I love being a dad and spending time with my little girl and can't wait to meet the next one in November. We often remark though, that karma is gonna kick our asses when our kids are teens, because we were both bat**** wild.

 

[Pappers_]

My guys are 21 and 19 now, still present challenges, but that's life. As Malfet and others have mentioned, life doesn't end with kids. Like others, I didn't start brewing until I had those little buggers. For me, my life would be empty without them.

 

[speedyG]

man, you know when it is time, if at all. My wife and I were together 19 years and married for 13 of them before we had our one and only child. My wife and I traveled a lot before he was born. He was born the month before I turned 40. He is the best thing EVER..... I know at some point he will be a pain in the ass but that is to be expected. we include him in all things and he has a blast. He has been to Colorado, Penn, AZ, Nevada and even Mexico twice. Kids will be a blessing and maybe a pain. The only thing you should do is be honest with your wife. If you raise them right, they will make mistakes but learn from them. Just stay involved in their lives, know their friends and the friends' parents, maintain open lines of communication with your child.....always be there to offer advice

Speedy

 

[day_trippr]

There are all kinds of joys and aggravations raising kids, lots of times when you want to hug them tight - or drop them off at the county jail.

But for sure when your kids have kids, that's when it all seems totally worth it...

Cheers! (Dad to two sons, Papa to two grandsons - so far!)

 

[jonmohno]

Im 39 never had my own kids,Just got married 2 months ago,my wife Ive been with each other for almost nine years now,and never thought Id get married she has 2 boys 10&12 now which Ive basically raised so far. JUst found out today she is now pregnant! I was shocked and a bit scared and tripped out at first but now I just feel joy and anticipation/excitement of new plans. After being "carefull" about having kids for the last 8 years-it shure didnt take more than a few times for it to actually happen which we decided to try(kind-of). And in the time it could have happendI thought the odds were against me anyway,guess it was meant to be. Guess Ill be driving my 230000 miled car still for the next few years as I was saving for a downpayment on a new one soon-guess not now.Couldnt get her on my insurance in the 30 day period after getting married which wasnt discussed with me with my job.Grr.Hopefully she has it in Jan when I can sign her back on. I cant really just whip out 15 thousand dollars in a year or two. F hospitals and doctors anyway you dont always need them,right? I waste much money on unneaded (so-called) health insurance anyway when I really only believe in wholeistic doctors for the most part. Maybe its time I learn what the ef to do,hell they did it all the time back in the day without hospitals,why succome?