Ever had a helles beer on draft *in* Germany?
I have. Do I get a prize?
In fact, most American drinkers have no idea what real lager is
Cry as you might, BMC is
real lager. Even Miller Lite, which uses artificial beer flavoring in their beer, is a real lager.
they only know the overcarbonated stuff they get here.
What's your beef with carbonation? Seriously, wtf? Who cares? It's not like anyone here is saying PBR should be the ideal to which all beer makers should aspire. It's f*cking PBR for christ's sake. It's just a beer to drink after your friends leave it in your fridge from a party you had. If you're too good for that then you really don't appreciate beer. You may appreciate
good beer, but you don't appreciate
all beer, and that is made evident by a lot of your misinformed and obviously-inexperienced comments.
And that American over carbonated, tart, thin bodied character has been transplanted into some microbrews, and many homebrewers try to duplicate it
using American ale yeast, although I doubt most of them are conscious of what they are doing, they are just shooting for a type of flavor profile they are used to.
Any homebrewer trying to duplicate a BMC light american lager with american ale yeast is at least as inexperienced and clueless about brewing and beer as you appear to be. Mainly: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO BREW A LAGER WITH AN ALE YEAST?
Wrong. American drinkers have been conditioned to like it, just like they've been conditioned to like fake burgers from McDonald's and fake Mexican food from Taco Bell.
Again, nobody thinks McDonalds or Taco Bell is the ultimate in taste and quality. It's fast, cheap, and easy. I wouldn't go to Taco Bell for dinner with my parents, but it definitely has a legitimate place on the highway when you have to bang out 12 hours of driving. Same thing is true for BMC (though not on the highway, just in regards to convenience). I'm just saying BMC has a legitimate place on the shelves.
American ale yeast is designed to create a thin-bodied, tart ale that some people who are conditioned to like bmc will like, but which I don't.
Yeast is not designed to create or destroy the body of the beer you brew. As a brewer you should know this. Your mash profile and grain bill determines all that. Believe it or not, you can make some truly heavy-bodied beers with american ale yeast if you mash at a high enough temperature and/or use appropriate quantities of crystal/roasted malts.
American ale yeast simply doesn't produce a lot of other flavors. It is quite good to use for many styles of beer, especially if you want to showcase hoppy or malty profiles. If you are consistently sacrificing body with american ale yeasts, you are just not mashing properly or your grain bill needs more unfermentables. If you were a knowledgeable brewer you would understand this.
Wrong, aging beers is for lagers, especially those made with relatively continental hops, and malts, because those beers aren't supposed to have a complex flavor profile, and the sulfurous aromas from the malts used and the farnesene (green apple aroma) from those hops has to be reduced by aging because you don't have a lot of other strong flavors to cover them up as you do in ales.
This is probably by far the most ignorant (an longest) sentences I have ever read by a home brewer on this forum as pertaining to brewing beer.