Dressing for a wedding

[nukebrewer]

All right, so the short version is I haven't worn a suit in probably 10 years or so and I'm going to a wedding this weekend with a bunch of rich folk who've been wearing suits and junk since they could walk. Not that I have anything against rich folk, I just don't want to look like a buffoon when I show up. I bought a nice grey suit and it's at the tailor shop now. I was basically just hoping I get some tips on not making a fool of myself with my attire, and my social interactions/manners while I am at it. I just spent the last hour or so looking at different tie knots and wondering which one to wear. Part of me thinks I should go classic with a four-in-hand or a Windsor, while the other part wants to make a statement with a more "modern" knot like a Kelvin. Also, can anyone point me in the direction of brewing related cufflinks? According to several men's fashion sources I've read, the place to show personality is the cufflinks. Thanks for any help.

-Clueless About Blending With Rich Folk

 

[b-boy]

I think you'll be fine. Once everyone gets a few drinks in them the jackets and ties will usually come off. I'd just go with a conservative shirt and tie. Use a regular windsor knot and you're good to go.

 

[ReverseApacheMaster]

The right knot depends on the style of shirt collar and the thickness and width of the tie. The more space between the points of the collar, the larger the knot should be. The closer together, the smaller the knot needs to be. With point collars or oxford shirts where the points are close together you can opt for a narrow knot like a Kelvin if the tie looks right. A thicker tie needs a simpler knot unless you are wearing a spread or cutaway collar because the thick material can make the knot bulky. A small or narrow knot like a Kelvin can be loosely tied with a thicker tie to get a more modern executive look. If you are going to wear a narrow tie, anything from a four in hand to half windsor to a really tight full windsor works. You can do some of the more elaborate knots like a Pratt or St. Andrew (my favorite, it is a reverse Pratt and very hard to get right) but if it's going to frustrate you to get the knot right just go for something classic that looks good. Keep in mind the tie length should be no shorter than the top of the belt buckle and no longer than the bottom.

If you are wearing a narrow or skinny tie, do not wear a spread collar or cutaway collar.

Cufflinks can go any direction as long as they match. You can go conservative or expressive. Just make sure it matches the suit and tie. I'm not sure where you could find brewing-related cufflinks. Honestly I'd go for a nice pair of shoes over expensive cufflinks. If you're single and ready to mingle, you will make way more of an impression with the ladies with nice shoes than nice cufflinks. A nice pair of shoes is far more versatile than cufflinks. You can always use nice dress shoes to class up a pair of jeans or khakis. If you're not single and ready to mingle, your SO will undoubtedly notice the shoes in the future. If you don't want to drop a ton of cash on shoes, you can usually find $150 dress shoes at outlet stores for about half or less.

Shoes and belt should match leather color. Does not have to be perfect but should be as close as possible. Same goes for watch, if you wear one and it has a leather band.

 

[tv187u]

The best advice I got was in regards to the coat buttons. Starting from the top it goes, sometimes, always and never. If its a two button then just drop the 'sometimes'

 

[tv187u]

And ditto to everything RMA just said. Pratt knots are a fave of mine. Make sure to watch a video before attempting though.

And women love shoes. Not just girl shoes. A nice pair will impress ten fold.

 

[nukebrewer]

Thanks for all the tips, RAM (can I call you RAM?). You really seem to know what you are talking about. I'll play around with some different knots tomorrow and figure out which one I am going to go with. As for the shoes, SWMBO is trying to get me to just borrow some from my FIL, but I really just want to get a pair of nice new ones, for the reasons you mentioned. Maybe I'll sneak out one day to get some and then tell her. It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, right?

b-boy: Thanks for your input. Knowing me and my reluctance to buck trends, I'll probably end up going with the Windsor anyway. I kind of feel like no one would even notice if I wore something different, but I know they would because people who grew up dressing well notice s**t like that.

I honestly had no idea that something as simple as choice of tie knot could affect how you come off to people. When picking out my tie I was even stressing about the color. I chose fall colors because I didn't want to inadvertently associate myself with a particular political party this close to the election. Is that stupid or what? Hmm, politics... I should familiarize myself with the issues I can speak intelligently about them if someone asks me. S**t, intelligence. I need to start reading the dictionary to make sure my vocabulary is up to snuff. F***, reading! Better start reading the classics so I can come off as well read individual. I should drink drink some homebrew to de-stress.

 

[nukebrewer]

The best advice I got was in regards to the coat buttons. Starting from the top it goes, sometimes, always and never. If its a two button then just drop the 'sometimes'

I thought I had that right, but thanks for the reassurance. I don't understand all these fashion rules, but I follow them because that's the way it is. I've actually been slowly trying to improve my style. I've only started dressing my age (28) in the last 6 months or so, but I'm nowhere near ready for suit territory.

 

[ReverseApacheMaster]

Thanks for all the tips, RAM (can I call you RAM?). You really seem to know what you are talking about. I'll play around with some different knots tomorrow and figure out which one I am going to go with. As for the shoes, SWMBO is trying to get me to just borrow some from my FIL, but I really just want to get a pair of nice new ones, for the reasons you mentioned. Maybe I'll sneak out one day to get some and then tell her. It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, right?

lol yeah you can call me that. I'm really anal about the whole tie thing but it paid off a lot when I was single. I really hate the half windsor and four in hand because it's easy for the knot to get asymmetrical and look off. Most people won't pay attention to a tie knot but if you wear them daily it's easy to start noticing little things like that.

Your wife might get angry about the shoes but once she sees the suit together she'll change her mind. If not, the big selling point is that a quality pair of dress shoes can last you years and years. Probably much longer than the five most expensive pair of shoes she's ever bought, combined. Your point about asking forgiveness over permission reminds me of something an appellate judge that taught one of my civil procedure classes called "the two bitch rule". The two bitch rule is that there's no benefit in telling your wife you're going to do something and get bitched at, then do it and get bitched at again. Just do it and get bitched at once. It's less polished than what you said but that's just how the law is practiced in Texas.

 

[nukebrewer]

Haha, I like that way of saying it. I usually don't do something if my wife ******* about it first, though. I prefer not to lose my marital privileges if I can help it. But when it comes to something I believe is worth the bitching, I'll do it. In the case of being well dressed, which is a skill that will come very much in handy when I get out of the military, I'm willing to take the risk.

 

[rifraf]

Check out Etsy.com for cool and unique cufflinks. I got all my groomsmen Lego cufflinks for my wedding from a seller on that site.

Google usually turns up cool stuff too. Try searching for something specific though like "hops cufflinks".

And agree totally about the shoes. I nice pair of shoes will last you for a very long time if you take care of them.

 

[rifraf]

If not, the big selling point is that a quality pair of dress shoes can last you years and years. Probably much longer than the five most expensive pair of shoes she's ever bought, combined.

Man no kidding...

Also, I've heard it said that a well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men. Hopefully once your outfit is together she won't care how much it cost!

 

[gratus fermentatio]

All right, so the short version is I haven't worn a suit in probably 10 years or so and I'm going to a wedding this weekend with a bunch of rich folk who've been wearing suits and junk since they could walk. Not that I have anything against rich folk, I just don't want to look like a buffoon when I show up. I bought a nice grey suit and it's at the tailor shop now. I was basically just hoping I get some tips on not making a fool of myself with my attire, and my social interactions/manners while I am at it. I just spent the last hour or so looking at different tie knots and wondering which one to wear. Part of me thinks I should go classic with a four-in-hand or a Windsor, while the other part wants to make a statement with a more "modern" knot like a Kelvin. Also, can anyone point me in the direction of brewing related cufflinks? According to several men's fashion sources I've read, the place to show personality is the cufflinks. Thanks for any help.

-Clueless About Blending With Rich Folk

You might find something here:
http://www.etsy.com/search?includes[0]=tags&q=beer+cufflinks&page=1&ref=related
Regards, GF.

 

[mbauer013]

I wear a suit and tie everyday, I am not "rich folk" but work in a bank so I am expected to dress a certain way. For Cuff links I always stay simple. Silver and black will go with everything and you can get a pair at sears that are decent for about $20. Or silk knots can be used as well you can find them online for 10 bones and match the color to your tie. For tie's the windsor is the safest knot because of it's mid size. One the tie make sure the length is right and the dimple at the knot is right, that will say more than the kind of knot in my opinion. Length should be just touching your belt not below and definitely not above.

 

[JordanThomas]

I always wear a white shirt with a conservative colored tie (black, grey, light blue, navy, etc.) with a double-windsor. It's really an easy knot and it comes out really even, which is the reason I don't use the four-in-hand. I go sans-cufflinks. I think they are just no longer relevant. Just my 2 cents!

Oh, and wear a tie bar if you want tie control. Those chains just look silly.

 

[Misplaced_Canuck]

Just a quick word on tie knots: If you're above a 17-inch collar and/or you're quite tall, a regular tie will be too short for a full-Windsor knot, and the tail won't reach the loop on the back of the tie.

With regular (non-long) ties, at 6'4" and 18-inch neck, I can only do a half-Windsor and very carefully at that. If the tie is thick on top of that, the very bottom of the tie won't reach my belt, OR the back tail won't reach the loop. I normally buy long ties, but sometimes they can be hard to find.

MC

 

[Dolomieu]

http://www.etsy.com/search?includes[]=tags&q=bullet+cufflinks

Dont forget a nice set of cuff links

 

[nukebrewer]

Thanks for all the input everyone. I think I am going to forget trying to get brewing related cufflinks and just go with something simple and elegant. I talked SWMBO into letting me buy new shoes instead of borrowing some from her dad.

mbauer013: I've never understood the tie dimple. I see Steve Harvey correcting guys' ties all the time, but I have no idea what is so special about it. Not trying to knock the dimple, just trying to understand a little about suit fashion.

Thanks again.

 

[TxBrew]

Just be sure you don't forget your jug so you can play along with the band at the reception.

Don't see to many jug players in high society any longer. It's a shame considering to play the washboard well you need a jug to keep the pace.

 

[dataz722]

My opinion, I prefer a good vinaigrette but a fresh ceaser can be really good too. Depends really on what the appetizer is.

 

[bob1852]

My opinion, I prefer a good vinaigrette but a fresh ceased can be really good too. Depends really on what the appetizer is.

Bad joke fail.

 

[TyTanium]

This thread is great. Relax and don't worry. "Rich" people are just people. Yes, there are snobs like beer snobs, but the vast majority of people, the 1% included, are not like that. So relax, wear something you feel good in and no one will think twice. If someone thinks less of you because of the cut of your pants or your tie knot, that's their problem. Everyone will be looking at the bridal party anyway.

But good job at making the effort to not look like a slob. That speaks to your character, and people notice that.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Allow me to suggest Charles Tyrwhitt for cufflinks that shock and awe. They are really great, and often on sale.

Little etiquette tricks I have picked up from the upper crust (I think God Himself might or might not have taken out a loan from my ex-gf's father) are easy, and little things. Tilt your soup bowl slightly away from you if you want to get the second to last spoonful, but keep the last spoonful in the bowl (do not ask me why, I think it is insane). If a lady gets up to excuse herself, get halfway out of your chair until she is out of eyeshot. Break your bread up into three equal sized pieces.
Put your napkin in your lap, and when you get up, the napkin goes on your chair, not the table.

These are little detail things that can make a big impact.

 

[nukebrewer]

Allow me to suggest Charles Tyrwhitt for cufflinks that shock and awe. They are really great, and often on sale.

Little etiquette tricks I have picked up from the upper crust (I think God Himself might or might not have taken out a loan from my ex-gf's father) are easy, and little things. Tilt your soup bowl slightly away from you if you want to get the second to last spoonful, but keep the last spoonful in the bowl (do not ask me why, I think it is insane). If a lady gets up to excuse herself, get halfway out of your chair until she is out of eyeshot. Break your bread up into three equal sized pieces.
Put your napkin in your lap, and when you get up, the napkin goes on your chair, not the table.

These are little detail things that can make a big impact.

Aww, damn. I just got from buying cuff links among other things (shoes, tie clip and pocket square). I'll check them out, though, and maybe I'll pick up a set just to have them.

Those sound like good tips, but the napkin one doesnt make any sense to me. Why on earth would you put your napkin where your butt just was? If you're anything like me you've let a few SBDs slip before the appetizer's arrived, so putting the napkin on the chair is just gross.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Aww, damn. I just got from buying cuff links among other things (shoes, tie clip and pocket square). I'll check them out, though, and maybe I'll pick up a set just to have them.

Those sound like good tips, but the napkin one doesnt make any sense to me. Why on earth would you put your napkin where your butt just was? If you're anything like me you've let a few SBDs slip before the appetizer's arrived, so putting the napkin on the chair is just gross.

At an upscale wedding or restaurant, the napkin on the chair signals the wait staff that your napkin needs refolding. A person used to such dining would continue to do so out of habit at any venue

 

[nukebrewer]

At an upscale wedding or restaurant, the napkin on the chair signals the wait staff that your napkin needs refolding. A person used to such dining would continue to do so out of habit at any venue

Ah, I see. Well, as with all these new things I'm learning about high society, I'm just going to roll with it. Thanks. Also, your comment about God taking out a loan from your ex's dad was hilarious.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Brohim you'll be fine. Seriously. Rich people are just like the rest of us... just more annoying.

 

[nhwrecker]

In regards to Miss Manners, here's a couple of cheats that I use when being overloaded with a fancy table and "hundreds" of plates, silverware, etc. I used to have the hardest time trying to figure out which glass and plate was mine, and which silverware to use at the right time.

I was always getting screwed up with which water glass and bread plate was mine, particularly at a wedding with 8-10 people at a round table, with no corners or reference points. That was, until I learned the "little b and d" rule from SWMBO. B is for bread (plate) on the left, and D is for Drink (aka water glass, wine glass, etc.) on the right . The tip: Use both hands to form "OK's". The left hand is in the shape of a b. The right, d. Left is Bread. Right is Drink. Simple!

Regarding silverware, always work from the outside in towards the plate. If there's a lot of courses, and you don't eat all, just look to the biggest oldest female snob and use the same utensil as her, or the better looking daughter/granddaughter sitting right next to her).

Also, when at the table, don't lean on your elbows. If you're not using your hands, leave them on your lap - or better yet, get up from the table (of course, assuming everyone else has finished eating) and get a good beer. You deserve it after that meal.

 

[nukebrewer]

So I'm here at the wedding and I have to say, I didn't need to worry at all. Thanks again for all your input and advice.