HBT Self Confessional

Just a collection point for brewing confessions:

Father Papazian, It's been 12 days since my last brewday and I cannot brew for 9 more.

I made an IPA about 4 weeks ago that I believe is contaminated.
It was very band-aidy smelling. I moved it to secondary in hope that I was wrong. I ignored it for lo' these many weeks. I will make a determination by giving it a taste and put it out of its misery tonite after work. It deserves better.

Thank you for listening Father Papazian. I will recite 3 Palmers now.

Palmer: Mr. olllllo, drink two homebrews and call me in the morning!:cross:

olllllo: But Mr. Palmer what if that doesn't work?

Palmer: Repeat then! Repeat, repeat, repeat!

Father Papazian, it has been 10 days since my last brew-day, and I just don't feel like brewing this weekend. I have plenty of bottled beer to drink, and my last beer fermenting away, forgive me for my sin.

Father Papazian both my taps are empty and I'm 2 weeks away from being able to tap my next in line. I will make it up to you as I plan on brewing this Sunday and next Wednesday.

HMMMmmmmmm.... I was just thinking...

Trappists brew beer. They are part of the Catholic church. So churches can brew beer...

Now if we formed our own church... and brewed beer at the church... (insert more ideas here)

Maybe brewpastor could head this up?

Padre...

It's been about 3 weeks since my last brewday due to in-law activity.
I drank my hefe 10 days after brewing it.
I didn't refirdgerate the hefe yeast upon which I hope to pitch.
My mead is too tart.

Father Papazian, it's been 13 days since my last brew-day.

Please protect my Grand Cru. I know that sticking my arm, even sprayed with sanitizer, into it to tighten a valve was a sin. If it weren't so late and I wasn't so tired, I would have never done such a wicked thing. Please forgive me.

Stave off infection and allow my beer to live a normal life. I will dedicate it to your honor.

Hail Grains, full of hops…the yeast is with you…

Forgive me father for I have sinned…

When I get home from work at night, I pass by my SWMBO and kids and head straight to my work shop (brewery). There I begin to taste each of my creations, from the primary to my most mature batch on tap. By the time I have finished, I have sampled as many as 7 different styles of homebrew and the buzz-devil has grabbed my soul.

My SWMBO is begging for “relations” but I dismiss her needs as I continue with my hydrometer readings, sampling, keg cleaning, racking, sampling, pressurizing kegs, sampling and yeast harvesting.

I am over my beer budget…by…a…LOT ! ! !

And yet as I sit here confessing my sins towards the end of the work day, I am already salivating at the thought of my first sip of golden (or amber, or red, or brown, or black) elixir.

Forgive me.

PS - Can you send a few immaculate cornies my way?

You have a swmbo that "begs for relations"?? Man, maybe my fear of marriage is unfounded.

I am a protestant brewer, I am always in error one way or another, I am totally dependent on the grace of the beer gods and can simply try to follow the guidence of those who have gone before me and listen to the inspired wisdom of the gathered community.

Brew boldly, that grace may abound!

Dennys Fine Consumptibles said:

Man, maybe my fear of marriage is unfounded.

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It may be. I have even been witness to certain............uhhhh.... oral gratuities and have been married for 5 years.


Forgive me father for I have sinned as well. It has been 6 days since my last brew session and.....................wait.... im not brewcatholic. LOL screw you guys, i dont have to feel guilty about not brewing. Im brewepiscapal, no confessions here.

Dennys Fine Consumptibles said:

You have a swmbo that "begs for relations"?? Man, maybe my fear of marriage is unfounded.

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I would not go that far, I'm sure this is the exception, not the rule... sounds like a good poll...

Forgive me father for I am guilty of the mortal sin of sloth... I have 5 gallons of apfelwein waiting to be bottled but am too lazy to drive my a$$ the 35 minutes to the hbs for bottle caps and I haven't finished my kegerator yet either... Please, oh merciful deity of the brew, use your superpowers to teleport me some bottle caps

Praise and hops be unto you

Please forgive me father. My cellar is where I brew and it is not clean. There was spillage and a mouse (not of this world anymore). The equipment is clean but the benches are not. Rings from the bottom of bottles circle the end results from the mouse feeding. Sawdust and cobwebs litter the floor.
Please forgive me, your child, I know in my heart that what must be done.

Will read two more chapters tonight without socks on whilst standing outside.

Oh Father for I know I am in your good graces (or I like to think that I am, for the time being) for I brewed 9 Batches this past weekend, but forgive me for the sins of the comming weeks, for the brewery is on sabaticle, and no brewing will be taking place. I promise that on my return I shall brew 2 beers in your honor, and a five gallon batch of wine.

BierMuncher said:

My SWMBO is begging for “relations” but I dismiss her needs

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Frogive me GODDESS of BREW for I Please my SWMBO instead of working in the brewery for you......
for I will brew 12 gallons of beer to bath you in. I will use the spent grains to rub your sore sholders and feet and create a mask with my spent hops to rub on your face and neck.
Please forgive me.... for I am a servent to YOU and my SWMBO
AMEN
JJ

Yo Pappy,

Sorry I haven't been at the Church of the Almighty HBT much lately. I've been at my new gig for 4 weeks, and I haven't had time much for anything else other than work and cleaning up the disasters SWMBO has created while I've been busy with work.

However, things are getting into a groove and I promise to resume my consumption of all things brew (literally and figuratively) very soon.

Please bestow Sainthood and all of your special graces on EdWort for the gift of Apfelwein and all of it's powers that have helped me make it thru this trying time.

And just so you are aware, the purchase of the 42 inch flat panel will in no way impede my progress in purchasing my kegging equipment this summer. :rockin:

Unless the rear end drops out of my Thunderbird. I'd appreciate it if you could talk to the Ford Gods about that...

Thanks man,

Ize

Forgive me Pappy for:

I take too many hydrometer samples just so I can taste them.

I drink my beer before it has properly conditioned.

I reuse my yeast too many times.

Sometimes I drink Bud Light.

I have yet to make the same recipe twice.

I will repent by brewing my first lager as my next brew, and I will well and faithfully allow it to finish completely, including a diacetyl rest and lengthy cold storage period, that it might be looked upon kindly by your grace.

Ize said:

I'd appreciate it if you could talk to the Ford Gods about that...

Thanks man,

Ize

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I think you're looking in the wrong direction when you're praying for your car. You might get better results drawing things on the floor and lighting some candles at the apices....

Dennys Fine Consumptibles said:

Now if we formed our own church... and brewed beer at the church...

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It might look like this: http://www.churchbrew.com/

Revolted am I of gods who hate beer
I worship Ninkasi and for her i cheer
I'll brew with sweet grains that are balanced with hops
And she blesses my brewing more often than not
I'm sorry, my goddess, for not brewing more
And promise to soon, but now go to the store
I hope you will pardon the fool that i am
And to your great glory, I drink from the damned

I wonder if pappizan reads any of this and how hard he is a chuckling?

Fingers said:

I think you're looking in the wrong direction when you're praying for your car. You might get better results drawing things on the floor and lighting some candles at the apices....

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LOL, I was going to make a joke about sacrificing a chicken to the auto-lords but thought your old AV might haunt me.

Ize

Father i have sinned. It has been 2 days since i drank a homebrew and my closet is full of only mediocre tries. My last weizen was flat after two weeks, my dead guy was overcarbed, and my raspberry hefe taste like pixie sticks. Please forgive me, for i have just brewed an APA and a true Bayerische Hefeweizen.

May the sweet smell of hops and malt raise unto the most high.