worst. st Patricks day. Evar!

Upon popular request, here is how my St. Patricks day went. Mind you, it went great up to about this point....

I was mostly blacked out for this, so I really don't remember that much. Apparantly I was in the bathroom for about an hour hrowing up and moaning. Then, I started wishing I was dead and proclaimed it rather loudly. I had my head on the bowl so long I bruised my forehead. I asked Jhonette to call for an ambulance, and she did. Only, not just one paramedic showed up,but eight paramedics, two cops, some firemen, and probably the mayor. There was a cop car, two ambulances and a firetruck all outside our house! I'm wondering if they assumed there was a huge party going on and we were all sick, or maybe it was just a boring night out in our neck of the woods. They put me on a stretcher and gave me an IV and two shots of something. No not booze, injections. They took me to Providance of all places because Legacy and Emmanual were supposedly full. They took Division most of the way, and came across a car wreck. They stopped to get out and help, then they hauled ass to drop me off at the hospital so they could go back to the wreck.

They wheeled me in, and tried to make me pee. I refused to pee for some reason so they gave me a catheter. Thankfully, I have no memory of that, although it hurt to pee the first time I went the next day. They took a blood sample and said I had a BAC of .17. So when the EMTs first got there, I'd probably had .2 or something close to that. They gave me another IV and two more shots. They walked me around the hospital trying to keep me awake, and I had no recollection of even doing that. I threw up a few more times in the ambulance and at the hospital. I threw up on myself and my saint of a wife washed my shirt for me in the sink. Once they said I would be OK and not die, she wheeled me out and put me in the car. Now, Jhonette is horrible with directions and I kept passing out while she was trying to find her way home. Irritated, I yelled at her that I didn't even know where we were so how was I supposed to help her find her way home!?! That was the only time I'd made her mad at me the entire night.

I woke up the next day tired and thirsty, and had this horrible dream that I'd been in the hospital. That was until I noticed the hospital bands and the four things of tape holding down where they stuck me with needles. I also had pain in my solar plexus really bad too. Apparantly *that* happened when they stuck the catheter in, I kept sitting up in pain. Jhonette held me down right in that spot, and she pressed a little too hard.

And Autumn took a picture of me throwing up. How nice of her!

Awesome story man. Sorry about the catheder part though.

Good job. No point in doing things by halves.

OMG...

Best St. Pat's Story EVER. :rockin:

Sorry man.


(altho to Pumbaa it may just be another Saturday nite on the job)


Ize

BAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!

Outstanding job, twin! I wanna party with you!!! (and dibby)

eviltwinofjoni said:

I woke up the next day tired and thirsty, and had this horrible dream that I'd been in the hospital.

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Then you have that slow motion, 'Oh ****!'

WOW....that is messed up!!!!

That's outrageous! I'll see you this Saturday, do you think we can re-create the event?
Let's hope not.

Next Year, can I follow you around with a film crew...please!

Good lord, were you beer-bonging vodka?

.2 thats all. Should have kept drinking.

Good Job! I say if your going to do something be the very best at it!
I can probably recount about 5 or 6 stories that were similair from last weekend. I still don't understand why they call me an a-hole all the time?

That is going to be a drinkers remorse evening you're never going to forget. I have 3 of those in my wallet. didn't involve hospitals for me though (swmbo on the other hand...)

I officially hate all of you! Actually, I didn't feel very hungover the next day. I attribute that to the massive amount of artificial liver enzymes they pumped into me, and the IVs of water.


What did it was (and I don't remember this) is one of my drunkass idiot friends decided to give me four shots of Irish whiskey within a minute when I was already three sheets to the wind. Ten minutes later I was puking it back up. I was in there for an hour, and all my so-called friends were standing around the bathroom door laughing at me. I don't remember that at all either. I do strongly remember praying and begging for death though. My dear sweet wife would have complied, but then she'd have no one to dispose of the body since that's usually my department

Oh yes, and I don't think I can drink hard liquor ever again. I tried to make a martini the other day and I almost threw up from the smell of the gin. Luckily, beer is A-OK!

I farted a .08 st patty's day....

Can I get the rights to this story? Never mind, I'll just blatently steal it and make a movie. lol

I will sue you for one beelion dollars!

I feel for you man. There have been nights I wished I was dead, but I've luckily never ended up in the hospital.

maybe that last beer wasnt such a good idea

eviltwinofjoni said:

What did it was (and I don't remember this) is one of my drunkass idiot friends decided to give me four shots of Irish whiskey within a minute when I was already three sheets to the wind.

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See I bet it was Jamason comma and I would throw up too after that. Now if it was good Irish wiskey it wouldn't have been so bad. Tullamore Dew is the wiskey you can drink and leave in your mouth because it tastes so good.

Wait a minute.. did you say there were pictures of this debauchery???

sause said:

See I bet it was Jamason comma and I would throw up too after that. Now if it was good Irish wiskey it wouldn't have been so bad. Tullamore Dew is the wiskey you can drink and leave in your mouth because it tastes so good.

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I'm a pretty big fan of the Dew, but I've had a couple of massive hangovers from the stuff.

Sounds like you had the best St. Patty's day of any of us Eviltwin.

You should acquire those pictures and do a voice over story and submit the short to a film festival.

Sounds like when a college roommate celebrated his 21st BD by trying to drink 21 cans of Bud. This was back in the days of pull rings on cans and he was stringing them on one finger. Almost lost the finger.

I missed most of the fun.

It was Bushmill's whiskey. Unfortunately, the only pictures were of me passed out or crying into the toilet bowl. They were on someone's cameraphone and I don't have a copy of em.

Hmmm... a story voiceover, eh?

eviltwinofjoni said:

Oh yes, and I don't think I can drink hard liquor ever again. I tried to make a martini the other day and I almost threw up from the smell of the gin. Luckily, beer is A-OK!

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Two things: 1. you need to get those pictures from whoever has them on their phone NOW. Otherwise they will make excellent blackmail material.

2. Re: the "never again" syndrome. You must have been really bad off if it is still there a month later. Studies have shown that for most people it wears off within 2 weeks at the longest. I suspect you will be able to go back to the hard stuff soon.

p.s. I've been drunk before in my life, the the ambulance? My god, how much did you drink and how fast?

eviltwinofjoni said:

It was Bushmill's whiskey. Unfortunately, the only pictures were of me passed out or crying into the toilet bowl. They were on someone's cameraphone and I don't have a copy of em.

Hmmm... a story voiceover, eh?

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I've got the music for you...

now the dogs are barking
and the taxi cab's parking
a lot they can do for me
I begged you to stab me
you tore my shirt open
and I'm down on my knees tonight...
Old Bushmill's I staggered, you buried the dagger in
your silhouette window light go to go
waltzing Mathilda, waltzing Mathilda, you'll go waltzing
Mathilda with me

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McCall St. Brewer said:

Two things: 1. you need to get those pictures from whoever has them on their phone NOW. Otherwise they will make excellent blackmail material.

2. Re: the "never again" syndrome. You must have been really bad off if it is still there a month later. Studies have shown that for most people it wears off within 2 weeks at the longest. I suspect you will be able to go back to the hard stuff soon.

p.s. I've been drunk before in my life, the the ambulance? My god, how much did you drink and how fast?

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I got drunk off Irish Carbombs and proceeded to taste them coming back up... I couldn't drink guinness for a year. This St. Patricks day I got dangerously drunk on 2 liters of homemade beer followed by 1 liter of Apfelwein, i can barely stomach the apfelwein... So 2 weeks isn't necessarily true...

Oh I doubt those pictures would be blackmail material. For one, I had six of my coworkers at the party that saw the whole thing. For two, one of my other coworkers was throwing a massive birthday party the next day, and many of my comrades at work were at that party the next day.

Word spread.

Two days later, I go in to work, and there's only 3 people that haven't heard about my shenanigans the Saturday before. Oh, did I mention that we're a 24/7 call center and everyone has different days off?

Oh yea, I think it'll be awhile before I can drink hard alcohol again. Luckily I mostly stick to beer and I think that was my undoing. I'm not used to so much alcohol in such a tiny glass!

When I was in high school, first time getting really drunk, I took a shot of Bacardi Amber rum then would right how I felt. I did 13 shots in an hour. I seem to remember thinking at the 13th shot that my writing was fine and that I didn't "even feel drunk".

The next day.. oh my god.. I had to go pick mushrooms. (the legal kind. Shiitake were selling for a lot) and I could barely move. We skipped class to go do this with a friends Dad. (one day of work netted me $100) I read my writings from the night before, they progressively got, well, drunkier. Messier writing etc.
The 13th shot I wrote, "Thirteen Shots and I don't even feel drunk!" Of course it was sprawled all across and down the page and took me 5 minutes to read it. The night before I swore it looked clean and straight.

At the tome I was rooming at mt friend whose Dad we went mushroom picking with. He and his wife were hard core alcoholics and me and my friend (also named Denny) and his brother would skim booze off his parents. They would always have at least 3 big bottles of Bacardi amber rum on hand. One night they got down to only one bottle in the cupboard and his wife put a big note on the fridge door in huge letters saying "PICK UP RUM NOW!!!". He got home said oh **** and ran out to the store.

Anyway. I couldn't even handle the smell of rum for 7 years and Bacardi Amber I don't know if I could drink to this day. That was 19 years ago. Though for some reason dark rum I could drink within 4 years. lol

the alcohol rejection is a physical thing, but that **** can stick in your head forever.

I think this could develop into a "Stupidest thing I ever did whilst drunk" thread.....BTW....anybody ever wake-up in jail?....

I'm just surfing and responding to old posts, so dont mind me.....

But Ha Ha Ha.............I work Security over at a local hospital here in Portland, OR. We have to hold down multiple injured drunks every night while they get catheters. THEY ALWAYS WANT TO FIGHT. We get drunks who....

Fall down stairs

Chop thier fingers off while playing "drinking games"

Think its okay to light thierselves on fire, because someone dared them to, and then fight with EMT's who are trying to save them.

Get drunk and drink thier own urine for recycling purposes (i watched this happen last night, he drank a full urnial of his own piss, like it was a stien of beer)

Males get so drunk that they claim that they are pregnant, and are trying to kill thier baby by giving them fetal alcohol syndrome.

Carve thierselves with a knife "for fun" when they get drunk.

Stick household objects in thier "rear end" (beer bottles, wine bottles) and get them stuck when intoxicated. It was funny watching him walk, and eventually crawl into the ER front doors...........


Man the list goes on. Those are just a few memorable ones from over the last month. So don't feel so bad for just blacking out and bumping your head dude.

Ed_Savage said:

I'm just surfing and responding to old posts, so dont mind me.....

But Ha Ha Ha.............I work Security over at a local hospital here in Portland, OR. We have to hold down multiple injured drunks every night while they get catheters. THEY ALWAYS WANT TO FIGHT. We get drunks who....

Fall down stairs

Chop thier fingers off while playing "drinking games"

Think its okay to light thierselves on fire, because someone dared them to, and then fight with EMT's who are trying to save them.

Get drunk and drink thier own urine for recycling purposes (i watched this happen last night, he drank a full urnial of his own piss, like it was a stien of beer)

Males get so drunk that they claim that they are pregnant, and are trying to kill thier baby by giving them fetal alcohol syndrome.

Carve thierselves with a knife "for fun" when they get drunk.

Stick household objects in thier "rear end" (beer bottles, wine bottles) and get them stuck when intoxicated. It was funny watching him walk, and eventually crawl into the ER front doors...........


Man the list goes on. Those are just a few memorable ones from over the last month. So don't feel so bad for just blacking out and bumping your head dude.

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I know a woman that works in emergency. I made the mistake of asking her what the worst this that she saw in a human and it was barbed wire up the uretha (spelling?) Rather wished that I had not asked!

urethra...oh, god

Hey you'd wanna fight too if some guy you didn't know was trying to shove a garden hose down your peener hole! Ed_Savage, you wouldn't happened to have been at Emmanual after 10 PM on 3/17 would ya? I was the drunk guy in the green shirt .... on a stretcher.

Why yes I do work there. I was in the E.D. that night, and saw alot of drunk people on stretchers. So I apologise for not remembering you. I worked till 2:30am, so I got to leave right as all of the bars were closing. I didn't get to see all of the good stuff.

We had a serial pooper tonight. He took a crap in almost every floor of the hospital. He did it in very populated and busy areas of the hospital, with ninja like stealth. He even crapped in front of the cafeteria IN FRONT OF PEOPLE EATING. Still nobody spotted him. Then before the end of my shift, somebody spotted him and I followed a poop trail to his room.

GROSS

How on earth is someone able to crap that much? I have my morning constitutional, and I'm set for the day! Was it Taco Bell night in the cafeteria or something?

I had a feeling it was a regular parade of drunk dumbasses in the ER that night. It's usually like that any time there's any sort of holiday where booze is prevalent. Anyways, I was wearing a vomit covered green Tshirt with MAKE 7 on the front, and if someone rolled me over to keep from choking, on the back it says UP YOURS. Oh, and a green hawaiian shirt. I'm a fashion plate, I tells ya, a fashion plate.