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I’m starting a company out of recycled chewing gum. I just need some help getting it off the ground.

Don’t even get me started about Velcro. What a rip off.

I burned my Hawaiian pizza. I should have used aloha temperature.

A man loses three fingers in a work accident. At the hospital he asks the doctor, "Will I be able to drive with this hand?" The doctor replies, "Maybe. But I wouldn't count on it."

An ambulance sped by me. The back door opened and a cooler fell out. I figured that they'd want the cooler back, so I stopped to pick it up. I found four severed toes inside, so I called for a tow truck.

My friend had a flat tire. While changing it, the car fell off the jack and landed on his foot. Now he needs a toe.

What do you call a koala that’s good at math? A koalaculator.

A man walks into a bookstore. He says to the person behind the counter, “I’m looking for a book on indecisiveness. Do you have one? The person says, “I’m not sure.” The man says, “That’s the one.”

I recently took a pole and found out that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

My boss threatened to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.

The older I get, the more I regret all the people l've lost over the years. Maybe being a trail guide wasn't such a great idea after all.

Most people recognize the name Karl Marx, but few realize he had a sister named Onya. She was an Olympic runner, and she is mentioned at the start of every race.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? fsh. Edit: Damn autocorrect made this hard to post…

I don't know what's in MA anymore, but I get most of my supplies at Jasper's in Nashua, NH.

What happens when a microscope crashes into a telescope? They kaleidoscope.

I haven't read through all the posts in this thread, but I second Jasper's for mail order. Also, there's a place in Ludlow called Brewfest Beverage. They don't have a big selection, but they do carry the basics. I'll make the trip to buy my bulk grains. I'll call ahead to make sure they have...

I think I got about 8 inches. But I don’t care, I still have to go out and remove it from where I don’t want it.

I make my own sauerkraut, and I'll used that on Rueben pizzas. I must try making my own Russian dressing now.