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I'm the owner of Bargain Fittings. When you assemble them the teflon tape acts as a lubricant and the pieces will seat much closer together. The close nipple is plenty long for pot and keg walls. If you have any problem with them just let me know and I'll get you out a replacement part. If...

Looks like several are up on the board http://boston.craigslist.org/search/sss?query=chest%20freezer

If you have the nut style relief valve in the lid you can just unscrew it and use a stopper and airlock. I've also removed the air connect and jammed a piece of hose over the threads. Seemed to work well.

I use a small screwdriver and just press firmly until it pops out. I've had them really seem stuck but they always pop out with a good hard push. Maybe soak them in very hot water to break up any gunk holding it in.

How about a coil of sanitized plastic tubing? The heat transfer would be fast enough to do the job and be a heck of alot cheaper than a stainless coil. Zip tie it to keep the coils together and sanitize it before adding to the beer.

The tricky part is cleaning that handle.