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thanks for the input!

Trying to hit this profile for a Bell's Two Hearted clone: Water Profile: Ca 130 | Mg 1 | Na 43 | SO4 209 | Cl 75 Using Bru'n water, the only way I can see to get the numbers to balance is to use gypsum and CaCl2 to get the calcium, sulfate, and chloride in the right range and use baking soda...

I've never made a hefe, but lagers smell like farts to me when fermenting. Also, if you put your head in the fermenter and it feels like someone punched you in the nose, that's co2 from the fermentation

You WILL end up with beer at the end of all this, so try not to sweat it too much :)

You can only decant if you cold crashed it first to force the yeast to fall to the bottom , otherwise you will be dumping a lot of yeast out with the liquid

That's a little warm for my taste, but I doubt it will make difference. It would matter even less if you cold crashed the starter and decanted before pitching. If the yeast threw off any undesirable compounds resulting from the warm temps, it would be dumped when decanting. I'm no...

probably nothing, but when did you start the dry hop if not at 5 days?

Baking soda + vinegar and let it sit for a while. Scraping it off with some sort of blade has worked for me also as well as those "magic eraser" things. Nothing is a quick fix. All of them take some elbow grease.

The shut off between the fermenter and the keg also acts as a QD when I hook the CO2 to it if I were to do a pressure transfer

I've been kicking around the idea of trying to purge the keg with CO2 and do a closed transfer to try to improve my process but never landed on a good way to do it. Filling it with starsan and pushing it out with CO2 has never sounded appealing to me. I don't usually have 5+ gallons of starsan...

I think it's contamination in the keg or the equipment used to rack to the keg. No one else has a consistent diacetyl problem from cold crashing, even if it's slightly early and especially on ales. Replace or clean the hell out of everything the touches the beer during kegging would be my...

I installed a shutoff valve in the basement for just my hose so that I could shut if off until just before I need it so I can brew when it's cold. Having said that.... it is 0 out right now (southern Ohio) and I kegged a beer this morning. I had to run in and out of the garage for a few...

I had a mash resting on one end of a small picnic table and the burner and cinder blocks on the other end. Decided to pull the cinder blocks off and sent the table see-sawing and the mash tun rolling across the floor. That beer was named Table Flipper.

Having someone try my beer and saying it's good but then proving it by going back for more.

changing from tap water to spring water to building up from distilled has shown the most drastic changes for my beer

Get your volumes right like RM-MN suggested, but either lower your efficiency expectation or figure out why your efficiency was lower than expected or you will have the right volume, but a low OG.

I've been using the bruloon lock http://brulosophy.com/2018/05/10/7-methods-for-reducing-cold-side-oxidation-when-brewing-beer/ But I also just had a thought that you could rig up a tee with shut off valves. One leads to the balloon/bladder, the other to a jar of starsan. Flip the valve to...

https://www.homebrewtalk.com/forum/threads/safety-of-star-san-in-beer.51787/

I'm thinking it's a recipe problem and I won't be making that recipe again. But I'd like to save this one if I can. I'll try the amylase probably rather than just give up on it.

It's in the attic because it was terrible and I didn't have the heart to throw it out. I need to throw it out, I just haven't gotten around to it. I tried it carbed and chilled before putting it up there to get it out of the way.