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So I managed to solve this. Switched to pipe dope from tape and put a bunch of pressure into the fitting as I twisted it on. Hurrah it worked! Scary thing: I had to remove the fitting and put an air guard on, and the cast iron had carved noodles of thin brass out of the orifice.

How do I rethread / "true" those threads? (Seriously don't know anything)

I have a 90 degree orifice fitting for one of my banjo burners. Its first thread seems to be galled or smushed or something. In any case, I can't thread it onto my burner. How do I fix this? Is it possible to recut brass threads?

Good luck with it. Let us know!

In order of priority: 1/2 - sanitation practices / temperature control for fermentation (equally vital) 3 - kegging

Yep, the 308 does the trick. If you want programmable timer for the temperature control as well, look at the 310. ($40ish for the 308 vs $60ish for the 310).

You need teflon tape or a gasket/o-ring between every connection that touches water. For threaded connectors, yep go with teflon tape. For your valve to pot connection - if your setup works, keep using it. With regards to the rusting, don't worry, but if you really want to, use some...

Craigslist plus an inkbird. I have two massive freezers that can handle 5+ batches, each, and paid $50 for both. The inkbird controller will run you $25-40. Since space is a premium for you, look for an upright freezer - college students typically get rid of their dorm fridges around this...

The TC gives you the ability to do closed transfer under pressure.

Yeah you're right I took a look at the website. Cool stuff, wish I had access to that gear up here in Canada.

Free tip: know that you will burn the zinc plating off the strut near the burners. You *really* don't want to be breathing in that air when it happens.

What you have right there is perfect for long-term aging. You can also ferment in it and do closed transfer to your serving keg.

I can chime in a little bit here: Using homemade PBW with my (hard) Toronto water, I rinse my bottles in water and then immerse for a while in starsan - seems to help somewhat with the residue.

Spray balls are available to be had in many places. brewershardware, brewhardware, etc. ebay, amazon... The sticking point seems to be the fact that sufficient pressure is far in excess of what brew pumps and sump pumps provide. 40PSI minimum or something.

What kind of pump do you have driving it?

I highly recommend getting a feeler gauge to dial in your grain mill. Between using one of those and doing a slow fly sparge, I hit a mash efficiency of 92% last brew.

Thanks for the advice all. I have access to some chems that remove rust. I'll scrub, then use that, and then whatever's left of my rustoleum can.

Hi! I have these two pumps: http://www.ebay.ca/itm/DC-New-12V-24V-Solar-Hot-Water-Circulation-Pump-Brushless-Motor-Water-Pump-5M-3M-/251768710886?var=&hash=item3a9e95a6e6:m:mkRPKnrJE_TYQCWeNJDddRQ http://www.topsflo.com/special-pumps/ts5-solar-dc-circulation-pump.html I'm looking to do...

That bulkhead has a hose barb at the end; just attach some hose and you can suck all the wort out of the bottom of your pot. Or get a different bulkhead with an integrated stainless steel dip tube (it's using a compression fitting so you can rotate it to be flush against the bottom of your kettle)

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1100391693/brewers-buddy-your-best-friend-in-brewing