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While it probably isn't the issue, have you verified the accuracy of the scale you are measuring your sugar with? If it is off by very much, it could explain the problem and would be a simple fix.

I'd try vinegar or star san. Both are food safe and likely to do the trick. I would not cap it and would do it in an easily cleaned area in case it reacts a little strongly. Might take a couple of rounds.

Ruddy the (occasionally) red-nosed reindog with a bottle of orange blossom mead.

I actually moved from central Arkansas to Denver in 2006 and then moved back to Arkansas in early 2014. I would agree with most everything being said by others. I would say though that, as a southerner, I didn't find the city to be particularly friendly. It's not that the city is full of jerks...

Do you have any idea when they got into the wort? I would guess that the hotter the wort when they entered the less likely infection becomes. That said, I had a moth kamikaze a completely cooled batch as I was transferring it to the primary and the batch still turned out fine. I would suspect...

I usually taste a sample after I boil just to learn more about the process. The best way I know to describe it is kind of how I would imagine a tea made of grain would taste, same slight sweetness with a small to medium astringent tannin like burst. Definitely not anything like I expected the...

"That outfit makes you look like a hooker." Bad, bad night.

Glad you got it hooked up and I hope it works great for you. By chance, do you have a CO detector nearby? I only ask because some lp appliances will "function" under less than ideal circumstances, but will also give off excess CO due to the appliance not functioning correctly.

I'd check the manual (or find it online if the original owner didn't include it) before I'd hook it up to a 10# tank. Many warn specifically against hooking up an appliance to anything that small. I'd assume that this is because they can't generate the pressure necessary to continually and...

Maybe share a homebrew or something, get her to relax a little (not enough to bill cosby it or anything), and see where things go. If she is even a tiny bit interested in your homebrewing hobby, then it's definitely worth the risk of asking.

Might also buy a 6-pack of store bought beer to test against. If the commercial stuff has a nice head, then you can narrow down the problem to your stuff. If it's still lacking, then it is probably the glasses/pour.

Ballsy move going with an all grain, big beer, homemade recipe on your first ever home brew. Congrats on it turning out so well. I know next to nothing about stouts, so I'm of little help there. How long have they been in the bottle? If you only brewed them a couple of months ago, I'd try to...

My family has a running joke about an imaginary brother named Gary that died after being run over by the school bus. After reading the thread I'm starting to think he may have survived, just with massive brain damage. Now I will never know for sure. So hard to lose you twice gary! In your memory:

Redstone Meadery in Boulder is nice if your interested in that sort of thing. When I was there, they had traditional meads and several sparkling meads that were similar to a lot of lighter craft brews.

As said by Jensmith & Brett_Bellmore, you should be able to use the water bath canning method for wine. I would look up directions for canning grape juice and use those for the wine. Biggest problem would be that the flavor profile might change somewhat from the heat, but really only a minor...