# You know you're a home brewer when?

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When your food dehydrator is used once a year. When it’s hop harvest time. Haha

Used to be chili harvest time for me until I quit and gave it to my neighbor.

...when you reeeeeaally need to be doing accounting but the kids got you so wound up you just had to sneak into the garage instead to bottle a batch and down a few old ones to get em revs down.

You take 4 hours (from the start of brew day to the end of clean-up) to brew 5 gallons of beer. Then you calculate that it takes 6 minutes to brew a pint. Then you figure out how long it takes to drink a pint, say 15 minutes, savoring slowly every sip. You determine the ratio of brew time to drink time and determine it is less than one. Then you wonder what the result means while you pour yourself another pint to verify the previous calculation.

You take 4 hours (from the start of brew day to the end of clean-up) to brew 5 gallons of beer. Then you calculate that it takes 6 minutes to brew a pint. Then you figure out how long it takes to drink a pint, say 15 minutes, savoring slowly every sip. You determine the ratio of brew time to drink time and determine it is less than one. Then you wonder what the result means while you pour yourself another pint to verify the previous calculation.

Guess it’s time to step up your volume..... that ROI is rookie numbers....

When you browse craigslist for deals on homebrew supplies regularly and have a quick link on your phone to see the latest postings.

When this is the back of your car

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Guess it’s time to step up your volume..... that ROI is rookie numbers....

Sssooo is that like Return of Investment or perhaps Ratio of Intoxication?

Guess it’s time to step up your volume..... that ROI is rookie numbers....
Return on investment (ROI) is a ratio between net profit (over a period) and cost of investment. With that in mind, the net profit of drinking beer is enjoyment and the cost of investment is the time it takes to brew it.

Therefore, the longer it takes to drink it, the higher the ROI. So if consumed too fast, one might end up puking like an E*Trade Baby and instead playing it safe as a "milkaholic". Cheers!

Return on investment (ROI) is a ratio between net profit (over a period) and cost of investment. With that in mind, the net profit of drinking beer is enjoyment and the cost of investment is the time it takes to brew it.

Therefore, the longer it takes to drink it, the higher the ROI. So if consumed too fast, one might end up puking like an E*Trade Baby and instead playing it safe as a "milkaholic". Cheers!

Everyone calculates it differently! I’m just here for the beer. That there investment stuff is the reason I drink

When you have two chest freezers and niether contain food.

When you stop into your friends brewery and he gives you over a pound of vacuum sealed frozen hops from the past year.

Next brew day is going to be the mystery beer. I have a brown base, not sure what grain, plus another 4#s? of mystery grain. Might have to mill up some 2 row and make my first 10 gallon batch.

When you want to move into a new home and you spend copious amounts of time studing numerous floor plan layouts and features to figure out if you could brew beer there. And look for extra space to store the stuff until ready to brew.

When you fill the tractor at work with diesel and wonder if fermcap would help with the foaming.

... your natural tendency when making oatmeal is to stir the boiling liquid and pour the oats in slowly so as to prevent “dough balls” when mashing in.

Recently bought a new home and one of my requirements with SWMBOs endorsement was enough basement space for homebrew and wine making adventures. Long term, I plan a basement kitchenette to handle everything down there.

When you have a keg that you want to age but too lazy to take it to the basement that night. Next morning you’re getting ready to take your kid for school and he scares the crap out of himself when curiosity gets the better of him and pulls on the key ring....

When you spend ANOTHER \$570 over the weekend building a portable wort chiller...

When you spend ANOTHER \$570 over the weekend building a portable wort chiller...

What did you spend the first \$570 on?

And where is the thread detailing how to build this portable wort chiller?

... your natural tendency when making oatmeal is to stir the boiling liquid and pour the oats in slowly so as to prevent “dough balls” when mashing in.

I add hot water to my oatmeal, add a pinch of salt, stir briefly and cover with a plate. I had no idea a year ago that this technique was going to come in handy for making good beer.

...You're looking to up your brew game, but are constantly second guessing yourself on whether or not you can justify spending the money.

... your natural tendency when making oatmeal is to stir the boiling liquid and pour the oats in slowly so as to prevent “dough balls” when mashing in.

next you'll be adding a bit of base malt at 150f, so you can save on sweeteners....

you know you're an alcoholic, i mean homebrewer. when your instacart driver says she's been talking around and they all say "yeah he really likes his apple juice!" lol

I mash my oatmeal in at 159.
Accounting for the cooler oats and dish, it ends up at 152.

You take a growler full of the gorgeous, premium lager you birthed and cared for for over 3 months to the big Thanksgiving dinner, and the host sets it to the side and says, "Uh, thanks. What kind of wine can I get you?"

There's a propane tank in your living room.

That's not a good place to have a propane tank.

When you have fermenters sitting on all of your heater ducts.

When you have fermenters sitting on all of your heater ducts.

How cold do you keep your house. I COOL most of my fermentations year round.

I cool in the summer (I live in Tucson), but in the winter, I only heat to 68°. Finishing fermentation on some Belgians right now, and trying to get the temp up.

I cool in the summer (I live in Tucson), but in the winter, I only heat to 68°. Finishing fermentation on some Belgians right now, and trying to get the temp up.

Ok makes sense with Belgians, but even 68 would be on the warm side for many ales.

Ok makes sense with Belgians, but even 68 would be on the warm side for many ales.
As of yesterday, my batch of tripel is down to 1.008 from 1.080, and the quad is down to 1.030 from 1.110. It is the quad I'm trying to bring down a bit, still a little sweet. I put both on the heater vents yesterday, and they are both bubbling slowly, about once every 10-15 seconds. New samples in a bit.

As of yesterday, my batch of tripel is down to 1.008 from 1.080, and the quad is down to 1.030 from 1.110. It is the quad I'm trying to bring down a bit, still a little sweet. I put both on the heater vents yesterday, and they are both bubbling slowly, about once every 10-15 seconds. New samples in a bit.
The bubbling may just be due to CO2 coming out of solution as the beer heats up, and not actual fermentation.

Brew on

The bubbling may just be due to CO2 coming out of solution as the beer heats up, and not actual fermentation.

Yeah the tripel is done. Transferred both batches to secondary to get them off the trub, and off the heater.
The quad is still bubbling though.

Brew on

You take a growler full of the gorgeous, premium lager you birthed and cared for for over 3 months to the big Thanksgiving dinner, and the host sets it to the side and says, "Uh, thanks. What kind of wine can I get you?"

Aha! That person is off my Christmas list ... like forever.

When Starsan is both a noun and a verb

I remember making so much that I had to leave a friend to leave some of his bottles with the neighbors. You have no idea how funny it was to explain the situation to them

When in the course of human events, your kegerator kicks the bucket, and despite a large tax bill, other bills, holiday shopping to do, you spend all your waking hours trying to either 1) fix the busted kegerator, or 2) find another one darn quick before the delicious goodness loses all it's carbonation and you have to resort to bottling it off to save it. I actually called out SICK today because a guy about 8 miles away has a free kegerator and I'm hoping I can talk him into delivering it.

I actually called out SICK today...

Legit. You clearly have the sickness we all have ... [emoji38]

When you no longer have to turn the lights on in the basement because the illumination from the countless temperature controllers is sufficient to see.

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