Wisdom

[bernerbrau]

You know that voice in your head that says, "I know the gas light has been on since Monday, but your paycheck doesn't clear until tomorrow. Your car will make it until then!"

Don't listen to that voice.

"Why Derek, whatever are you talking about?" My car died this morning pulling out of my apartment parking lot. Fortunately it was on a hill so I was able to put it in neutral and coast back into a parking spot.

I then walked a mile and a half to the nearest Shell station, picked up a gas can, and went to check out. There was a chain-smoking white trash lady chewing out the 60-year-old cashier AND her manager for hitting on her husband.

Then I walked the mile and a half back home. Did I mention my apartment sits atop an 80-foot hill? There's a slow incline that's another several thousand feet long, so I trudged up the steep incline up to my apartment to save time. I already walk 2 1/2 miles in the morning.

Made it to work an hour late, my hair is a wreck, I smell like gas, and my shirt is half-unbuttoned. Let's just say I really wish I hadn't had half a bottle of Malbec AND a 20-oz. Dead Guy last night!

If you thought you were having a rough morning, now you can smile because mine was officially worse than yours.

I exist only to entertain.

 

[shecky]

Brownie, do you have any happy stories? Just one, maybe something about a puppy.

 

[bernerbrau]

My happy stories are boring

Man, I thought schadenfreude had comedic value. Tell me I'm not just bringing everyone else down!

 

[bernerbrau]

Here we go, some happy stories.

There were several cute rabbits on my morning walk. I had steak for dinner last night. I'm going to Maui in August for a week.

 

[shecky]

My happy stories are boring

Man, I thought schadenfreude had comedic value. Tell me I'm not just bringing everyone else down!

It does, in moderation.

Rabbits, steak, Maui. Now I feel better. Thanks.

When you go to Maui, make sure you go to the top of Haleakala. Unbelievable.

 

[bernerbrau]

Also my cousin got home from his final tour in Iraq and (I think) will be doing training stateside from here on out.

 

[bernerbrau]

When you go to Maui, make sure you go to the top of Haleakala. Unbelievable.

We had planned on it. We wanted to do the Haleakala zip-lines too.

I gotta say though, Diamond Head was way overrated and Haleakala better deliver.

 

[bernerbrau]

Oh and my brother's band won the privilege to play mainstage at a festival in front of 20,000 people. Long as I'm overdue for some happy stories.

 

[HenryHill]

I was headed to the bank a couple of months ago, and decided to take the Lumina since it was lowest on gas, and I'd fill it up. Me and Rocky took of for Haslett, about 14 miles away. From a stop sign, the car developed a miss such that I suspected I should check my plugs and consider installing a new set, and even wondered about how hot it had gotten when I needed to install a new thermostat, a couple weeks before.

I made it 3/4 mile, having to coast uphill, and climb an angled curb to park, to avoid being in a very blind spot down in a deep dip in the road. I checked both nearby houses, no one home, and no cell phone.

I re-enter the car, have a long talk with Rocky about our situation, and then we proceeded to the other side of the road to thumb our way back home. In only a few minutes, a hot blond in a sweet new sports car stopped to pick us up, and took us home, even though it was out of her way.

I discovered the car has no Low Fuel Light.

 

[Homercidal]

I was headed to the bank a couple of months ago, and decided to take the Lumina since it was lowest on gas, and I'd fill it up. Me and Rocky took of for Haslett, about 14 miles away. From a stop sign, the car developed a miss such that I suspected I should check my plugs and consider installing a new set, and even wondered about how hot it had gotten when I needed to install a new thermostat, a couple weeks before.

I made it 3/4 mile, having to coast uphill, and climb an angled curb to park, to avoid being in a very blind spot down in a deep dip in the road. I checked both nearby houses, no one home, and no cell phone.

I re-enter the car, have a long talk with Rocky about our situation, and then we proceeded to the other side of the road to thumb our way back home. In only a few minutes, a hot blond in a sweet new sports car stopped to pick us up, and took us home, even though it was out of her way.

I discovered the car has no Low Fuel Light.

That is insane in today's world. OTOH - You knew it was low on gas, and could probably see by the gauge that it was already past the time for the light to come on.

I push the envelope way too much. Once I ran out of gas coming home from work and had to have the wife bring me a can. I've been lower than that on the gauge and have not run out.

My wife actually trusts the "Miles Till Empty" thingy on the overhead indicator. It's funny how all of this is not a big deal now that I have cell phones...

 

[david_42]

I learned to drive off the top of the tank while in college. I had just gotten out of drill and changed my clothes before heading down to the Salty Dog. And I mean down, as in about 400 feet lower and two miles west. Low on fuel, so I pull into a gas station. No wallet. When I tried to climb the hill back to my place, what little gas was in the tank shifted so the pump was pulling air. On the level, it would run. So, I trudge up the hill on foot, get the wallet and coast to the station.

Did I mention this was winter in Ithaca, NY and it was about -10F, a couple feet of fresh snow and 1973, the first oil crisis, so stations were running short?

 

[bernerbrau]

Did I mention this was winter in Ithaca, NY and it was about -10F

I believe you. I went to college in Ithaca.

 

[HenryHill]

That is insane in today's world. OTOH - You knew it was low on gas, and could probably see by the gauge that it was already past the time for the light to come on.

I push the envelope way too much. Once I ran out of gas coming home from work and had to have the wife bring me a can. I've been lower than that on the gauge and have not run out.

My wife actually trusts the "Miles Till Empty" thingy on the overhead indicator. It's funny how all of this is not a big deal now that I have cell phones...

Actually, no it was just to E, and hadn't been siting there. '95 Lumina somebody gave me. Wife had a '94 Regal, it had one.

 

[IrregularPulse]

Here we go, some happy stories.
I'm going to Maui in August for a week.

*Prepares post for August in response to thread about Brownie's SWMBO's furious rage of jealousy when a girl in a bikini walked past Brownie on the beach and he did not drop to the sand with his hands over his head to avoid seeing her.*
I keed I keed......

But seriously, Awesome on the Hawaii trip! I'm only making it as far as TN. Damn company pay cuts.

 

[bernerbrau]

*Prepares post for August in response to thread about Brownie's SWMBO's furious rage of jealousy when a girl in a bikini walked past Brownie on the beach and he did not drop to the sand with his hands over his head to avoid seeing her.*

Yeesh. Don't let up do you?

 

[IrregularPulse]

I keed I keed......

But seriously, Awesome on the Hawaii trip!

relax jeesh