Who would you pick for president?

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Which inanimate object would you vote for?

  • Carbon Rod

  • Lamp

  • Screwdriver

  • Sponge Mop in the Swiffer commercials

  • Happy Fun Ball

  • Mannequin at JC Penney

  • 1973 Pacer

  • Speak -n- Spell

  • Toilet Seat

  • It's Log

Results are only viewable after voting.


Well-Known Member
Dec 25, 2005
Reaction score
Portland, OR
That's right folks, this is an election year. This being the primaries I wanna know which inanimate object you will vote for for President, and why. I would vote for Speak -n- Spell. He always spells out the issues and is a very plain speaker, and isn't afraid to say when something is incorrect!

I decided not to go across any party lines and go with just the candidates. You'll notice that Nader isn't on the list because he'll never win ever. That and, well, he's not an inanimate object.
Mannequin. Just because I loved Today's Special as a kid. That was a great show. And it's about as intelligent as a certain recent president.

This is the kind of strong, no-bull**** leadership we need.
I picked Happy Fun Ball. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

I also picked It's Log for President H. F. Ball's running mate, because it's big, heavy and wood. It's also better than bad, it's good.
Eh. The Pacer didn't hit the showroom until 1975. I know cause I bought one. Big mistake, but I still bought one. I voted for the '73 Pacer because it was still on the drawing board with lots of promise.
Come on Carbon Rod.... You piece of
useless piece of poop monkey ejaculate.....wait.... this is so drunkkkkennn ramblingggggss
While Toilet Seat would provide welcome relief, a lot of $hit would get passed through it. So, I voted for Carbon Rod, who is strong enough to control a nuclear reaction, while remaining cool and collected.
Ohhh, I'm going for the screwdriver. Previously said, "it is the right tool for the job." Either way it is there for us, screwing or unscrewing, with a completely responsive, in-touch, hands-on approach to tasks. A completely different tool than the "broken" or "in-only" power drills of the past.
Log, definitely Log, and any of you right or left wing whacko nutjobs who don't agree are just plain stupid! My candidate, LOG, is the only sensible choice! All the other choices are Hitler.
(Godwined thread, I win)
No question...it's the Speak and Spell because...

The Cowgo....Mooo
the mannequin
not to different that the last few prez.

why change anything

we need a recession

140k for a one bedroom house is a lil much

you poor people in california paying twice that
ma2brew, this is a serious discussion, so keep your flaming insults to your terrorist meetings, OK? Now, It's Log may be a good candidate, but I'm not sure I like it's stance on forestry. A little too much 'slash and burn' policy for my liking.
EvilTOJ said:
ma2brew, this is a serious discussion, so keep your flaming insults to your terrorist meetings, OK? Now, It's Log may be a good candidate, but I'm not sure I like it's stance on forestry. A little too much 'slash and burn' policy for my liking.
See, right there, you're confusing my candidate with Carbon Rod. He's what's left of Log following Slash and Burn policies.
I went with happy fun ball as it reminds me of hillary's husbands nose.
Pacer, hands down.

It's ugly and fat, but everyone secretly wants a ride. Even people coordinating Happy Fun Ball's campaign will vote for the Pacer, thinking that nobody else will do so, and then all of a sudden, it's a landslide!
I know some of you are KNOT voting for Log, but I'm telling you, you are barking up the wrong tree. Branch out a bit and vote with your crotch.

I'm voting for Log, as it is smarter and has more personality than the current president. I believe Log has a better foreign policy as well.
I think we need Lamp to shed some light on the various issues.

sponge mop just tries to push everything under the rug and we all know what screwdriver does. i'd talk about the rest of the candidates, but i wouldn't want to offend anyone.
I'm kinda concerned about Lamp myself. I mean what do we really know about Lamp? We know that in the early days Lamp was incandescent and wasteful, but recently Lamp has been openly pushing for more environmentally popular fluorescence, but that comes with the not so green taint of mercury. What's really lurking beneath that shade?

No sir, I don't like it.

Now we all know that Log is strong on environmental issues. Not like that synthetic Happy Fun Ball...:mad:
A toilet seat far more appropriate for americans cos your election process is full of %@*!. I mean you spend a year just picking candidates ?

And has any candidate stood up yet and pledged to help homebrewers ! At least your toilet seat would stand up for you !!!!
sflcowboy78 said:
I picked Log. I loved him in the Ren and Stimpy show, and besides we have not had an actor in office since Regan.

Ren and Stimpy were the only reasons I picked log... I haven't seen that cartoon in ages and when I saw log.... it was destiny.

Otherwise, screwdriver... like said before, we're getting screwed, might as well have the right tool :D
Log rolls over your neighbor's dog. I don't like my neighbors and their dog is evil (or was, I haven't heard it recently). Got my vote right there.

Also, it's great for a snack and fits on your back.
chriso said:
Pacer, hands down.

It's ugly and fat, but everyone secretly wants a ride.

Wait, I thought that was fat chicks and mopeds?

I picked Happy Fun Ball ... it's far superior to log, toilet seat and Pacer because it's made from a glowing substance which fell to earth from outer space. Hell, Pacer can't even get out of the driveway.
Speak and spell for sure, that way members of the cabinet and advisers can easily program it to say whatever they want us to hear.
You know, I came out and voted for Pacer right out the gate... who doesn't love the Pacer? but then I read all your comments and realized that you are all lobbyists working for special interests.

I'll Show you:

Carbon Rod - friend to the working man: Union Lobby
Lamp - beholden to the power companies for life: Oil Industry/Utilities Lobby
Screwdriver - Sure we used to make em here... but now: Chinese Lobby
Sponge Mop - Papers say that illegals are doing this kind of work because Americans don't want to: Amnesty Lobby
Happy Fun Ball - Duh?: Drug Lobby (Need I say More?)
Mannequin - Needs clothes made in sweat shops.... : Chinese Lobby again...
1973 Pacer - made in Detroit: Auto Makers/Union Lobby
Speak -n- Spell - With hooked on phonics as a running mate: Education Lobby
Toilet Seat - Most often used by AARP Members: Seniors Lobby
It's Log - conjured out of thin air by hollyweird types: Media Lobby

So there you have it! I will not vote for Pacer or any other candidates... I will start a "Write In" Revolution!

From now on, I throw my full support and write in vote behind the friend of EVERY American:


Please, I urge you to write in BEER for President on election day. Let's take this country back!

(Paid for by the "Friends of Beer" political action committee: Seabee John, secretary general)