While I was at the pub *insert observation on drunk behavior*

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MeatyPortion

MeatyPortion

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Well, the title sums it up. If you have an observation on fellow bar-goers or boozers post it here.

I'll start:

-The guy, "Dave", who comes into Le Tigre Lounge and looks like a 90 year old man in a 45 year old body. He yaps on his cell phone while drinking Miller High Life; usually the bartender tells him to go outside so not everyone has to hear his conversation. Once, another patron fell asleep sitting up at the bar and Dave yelled "WAKE UP" and slapped the bar with his palm; the sleeping guy didn't move a muscle and the bartender scolded Dave. I just sat there.

-Yesterday at Granite City the bartender was filling up a growler at the tap right in front of me. I guess he was really into the cash register because while he was punching in sales the growler started to overflow their new Belgian-style ale all over the bar. A chorus of "alcohol abuse" type quips followed from the regulars.
 
I'll just go ahead and throw my own fave in here. I was working on a saturday when my wifes cousin was doing a piano gig at Carnegie Hell. Said cousin was 9 at the time and whenever we were together, he only wanted to spend time with me cuz I was the new " cool cousin" I guess. So me wife goes and I'm working and decide to go to the bar at lunch. So the drinking begins and continues till about 5 or so and wifey is bitching the whole time about me not caring about her family and the usual " you drink way too much" garbage. Well now I'm super pissed off and go back to the bar. Bartender asks me what I'm in the mood for, and the golden gem comes from my mouth....." I'm in the mood to eat *****......ladies, put your pu$$ies on the bar". I was reminded of this months later and still don't remember uttering that phrase, but I kinda hop and wish I did, cuz thats gangsta. And I had to hear my apprentice utter thay phrase hindreds of times.....oh and the phrase came with a mighty SLAP to the bar that was well recreated
 
While I was at the pub... I noticed all these old, ugly, fat women were suddenly looking much better to me. I wonder why?
 
I guess I sang karaoke at a bar last Thursday. I don't remember any of it.

My songs were:

I'm The Man, by Anthrax

Too Drunk to bless, by the Dead Kennedys (this apparently got rejected by the people running the karaoke booth, even though they had the song in their book)

I Touch Myself, by Divinyls (apparently I sang the whole song in Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice)

Black Velvet Band, by the Dubliners


Still hazy on that night. My buddy told me last Sunday what I did, then on Tuesday I talked to the bartender who was working that night. He was laughing his ass off as he told me what happened. I fear someone recorded it and it's going to be on youtube.

Oh yeah, then my buddy and I tackled a lilac bush in the parking lot.
 
MeatyPortion said:
I guess I sang karaoke at a bar last Thursday. I don't remember any of it.

My songs were:

I'm The Man, by Anthrax

Too Drunk to bless, by the Dead Kennedys (this apparently got rejected by the people running the karaoke booth, even though they had the song in their book)

I Touch Myself, by Divinyls (apparently I sang the whole song in Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice)

Black Velvet Band, by the Dubliners


Still hazy on that night. My buddy told me last Sunday what I did, then on Tuesday I talked to the bartender who was working that night. He was laughing his ass off as he told me what happened. I fear someone recorded it and it's going to be on youtube.

Oh yeah, then my buddy and I tackled a lilac bush in the parking lot.
Click to expand...


So, I hate to bring up that alcoholic thing again... :D ;)
 
My wife and I went out one night and about halfway through I stepped outside for a smoke. There was this one drunk blond chick out there talking loudly and drunkenly and she proclaimed how the one group of people she just doesn't like were mexicans and she repeats a couple times how she hates mexicans. I informed her that my wife was latina and as she tried to backpedal and take it back I just turned around and walked back into the bar.

The funny part is... I didn't tell my wife about this. So, she had this drunk blond coming up to her the rest of the night saying "I like you people! Really, I do! I LIKE YOU PEOPLE!" over and over again while I tried to keep a straight face.

My wife thought she was coming on to her or something.
 
I'm usually not the star of the show with these, althou I have had way too many times where people were talking about my shenanigans from a previous night, but quick favorites include;

running through my call list asking for bail money or SOMEONE to vouch for me not being a menace to society.
wifey going through my call list asking "what happened last night?" to which the agreed upon response for anyone was " just a normal tuesday night" (unbeknownst to the SWMBO's, a "normal tuesday night" included columbian prescrptionists handing out bags of "nasal coffee" that resulted in wacky nights out.
and many more but I need to nap for fibe minutea
m
 
One time a drunk dude at a pub I used to frequent kept trying to convice me to read L. Ron Hubbard's "Dianetics", telling me how revolutionary it was and that it would change my life :roll: ...no thanks dude :D

At the same pub one night they had Brooklyn Black chocolate stout on tap and a guy drinking some BMC saw it when I ordered and amazedly said "Holy sh*t! Chocolate beer? What does that taste like?" ....."chocolate....you should try some" :mug:
 
Now I'm sure that we've all had the experience of going out to the bar with your buddies and you end up sitting next to the local rummy who decides that you are his best friend for the night and starts discoursing on every topic under the sun for the rest of the night. What we don't always have are pictures. For your consideration, Floyd the drunk:

DrummondIslandPics1150.jpg


There's my friend chris on the left and me on the right, trying not to laugh.
 
While stationed at Ft. Bragg, I watched a friend of mine bite a chunk of forearm out of another guy he was having a dispute with, over a barstool...

They were both thrown out and within 30 minutes they both came back in and we all hung out at the bar and bought rounds until they closed... :)
 
My wife and I were in Vegas last year. We'd just gotten out of the Penn & Teller show at the Rio and were walking up to the Palms to check out a few of their clubs. The place was a madhouse, but, as we approached, one young lass stood out from the rest. She was at the front of the hotel hanging off a street sign, as gravity was suddenly not her best friend. A kind gentleman was pleading with her to come back inside, but she wasn't having any of it proclaiming in a rather loud and obnoxious tone, "NO, you ruined EVERYTHING!!!" She then proceeded to evacuate the contents of her stomach all over the hotels lovely landscaping, never losing her grip on that pole. Hmm, madam, seems to me if anyone's ruining this evening it's not your male companion, but I sure do love Las Vegas! :mug:
 
Shooter said:
My wife and I were in Vegas last year. We'd just gotten out of the Penn & Teller show at the Rio and were walking up to the Palms to check out a few of their clubs. The place was a madhouse, but, as we approached, one young lass stood out from the rest. She was at the front of the hotel hanging off a street sign, as gravity was suddenly not her best friend. A kind gentleman was pleading with her to come back inside, but she wasn't having any of it proclaiming in a rather loud and obnoxious tone, "NO, you ruined EVERYTHING!!!" She then proceeded to evacuate the contents of her stomach all over the hotels lovely landscaping, never losing her grip on that pole. Hmm, madam, seems to me if anyone's ruining this evening it's not your male companion, but I sure do love Las Vegas! :mug:
Click to expand...

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas... in the landscaping and sometimes all over the sidewalk.
 
I can remember the night when the colorful drunk leaving the bar was.. ME

Some number of years ago:

Antidepressants + "vodka + red bull" x 5 = "what the f*ck were you thinking?"

I fell off a pair of 3" platform boots, flat onto the pavement right outside the front door of the night club.

It was really, REALLY funny to my friends as they poured me into a cab, and I think I laughed my ass off once I recovered from the hangover.
 
When I was at the pub, I hacked into one of those pub electronic gaming machines. I inserted a "Savage Steve is the best" ad into the rotation of regular ads on the box. I then proceeded to drink a lot of beer. End story.

- Steve
 
Not exactly a pub...

A few weeks ago I went to the lovely Hyde County, NC, for a swan hunt. My brother and I arrived on Friday night and found out that they were having the Hyde County Water Fowl Association banquet that night. This translated to barbecue and an open bar, so we decided to go.

On our way to the "banquet" we passed the only liquor store for miles and miles. This was Friday night, about 6:00. They were in the process of closing for the day. Got to the banquet, went up to the bar and asked about the beers. Bud, Bud Light, or Natural Light. Okay, that's not an option. So I said, "What kind of bourbons do you have?" The lady looked at the bar area and said, "We got all this on the bottom shelf." And yes, they did. If it didn't come in a 1 gallon plastic jug, they didn't have it.

My brother asked for some water with his meal. The girl said, "Water? I don't think we have any water. Do we have water? No, we don't have any water."

I am surprised she didn't say, "Water? Like what's in the toilet?"
 

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