What not to post in AG Tech threads. OT

[IrregularPulse]

From the look of the thread with the pictures, I think PaulTheNurse drained the water out when you weren't looking to screw with you. Was he present on brew day?

 

[paulthenurse]

I'm SO disapointed that I didn't notice this thread until now.

Let the carnage commence!

PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

I'm faily certain it has to do with NowhereneartheCapeBrewing making a rig that has more moving parts than the Starship Enterprise.

"Scotty, what's going on down there?"

"It's the flux capacitor hopback, Capn'! If you can give me another hour I'll be able to get you up to boiling but there is only so much I can do with these B grade dilithium crystals."

"We don't have an hour, Scotty. We'll have lost another 13 gallons of wort in another hour."

"The half baked design is what caused the worm hole in the first place that sucked up the wort."

"How long to refit?"

"Eight weeks. But I'll do it for you in four."

"Never mind. Give me everything it's got!"

"Aye Cap'n."


PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

I'm can't wait till next Mondays thread.

You know, the one where you tell us how you got more out of the brewkettle than you put in.

I'm setting the over/under at 5 gallons. We can also run a "Closest to the pin" pool. $1 per bet, closest without going over takes all!

PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

I'm betting 6.25 gallons extra and obvoiusly going with the over.

PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

Hey CB,

What are you hoping to get out of the extra 6.25 gallons of beer out of your Brewstrocity? A nice summer drinking wit? A porter? Maybe you'll get lucky and it will spit out a nice Octoberfest that you can store in your walk-in till Septemeber.

Oh boy, this must feel like Christmas Eve for you!!!!


Aw hell, now I feel bad, bringing up Christmas Eve. It's making me think of all those Christmas Eves I missed when you were growing up. I would have been there but....

Hey, have you managed to drop my name around Mom yet?

PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

There is nothing wrong with your Brewstrocity.

Do not attempt to adjust the efficiency. I am controlling wort. If I wish to make it stronger, I will add more grains. If I wish to make it sweeter, I will tune down the hops. I will control the bitterness. I will control the ABV. I can roll the color, make it flutter. I can change the clarity to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity.

For the next hour, sit quietly and I will control all that you see and drink. I repeat, there is nothing wrong with your Brewstrocity.

You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to... Paulthenurse's puckered sphincter.

PTN

 

[Saccharomyces]

I think your efficiency is really 90% but PTN is siphoning off 15% of your wort through a hidden valve and topping it off with water while you aren't looking.

 

[paulthenurse]

What is wrong with ME? Nothing! I didn't have to apply for a Barney Frank Bailout Loan so I could finish building my Brewstrocity. That thing is the brewing equivilant of General Motors and that makes YOU Rick Wagoner.

Do everyone a favor, get that Bad Larry up and running and just fall in. Follow the Code of Bushido, go out with some dignity.

Don't worry, I'll take care of your wife and my grandchildren.

PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

I think your efficiency is really 90% but PTN is siphoning off 15% of your wort through a hidden valve and topping it off with water while you aren't looking.

That wasn't water.

If you had ever tasted CB's beer you would have known that without having to be told.

That comment he made about unhealthy beer??? Enough said.


PTN

 

[Cape Brewing]

Keep going with the father jokes... seriously... after version 4,975,232 they just keep getting funnier and funnier. It shows tremendous imagination.

 

[paulthenurse]

Plus I have a high-torque, low-RPM motor that I want to mount for a motorized grain rake.

That's how your Mom used to refer to me, I was her " High-Torque, Low-RPM motor Love Machine." Damn, she was a total freak!

Does that make 4, 975, 233 or did I put one in another thread somewhere?

PTN

 

[Cape Brewing]

zzz.... zzzz... zzzz....

Jeeeeeeesus... Give it up PTDB.

Hooooooooly crap! Talk about beating a joke into the ground... Holy mother of God.

I think it's officially time to come up with some new material.

 

[paulthenurse]

I think it's officially time to come up with some new material.

Now you've gone and hurt my feelings!

I think I've come up with new material on a pretty regular basis. I started with giving you grief over that backwater hick town you live in; moved on to busting you as being un-American and against the free market system;~~(edit) made an ass of myself busting on your dog,(/edit) castrated you for using Grannie Panties as hop socks to give your Belgians that 'special' flavor; hammered your brew rig project for having just slightly fewer delays and cost over-runs than the Big Dig; lets not forget how you admitted to having the monthly meeting of the Norton, Mass chapter of the North American Man Boy Love Association in your basement; killed you on your Magical Mystery Brewstrocity once you started to use it; and somewhere in there I let it slip that I used to bang your Mom like a drum.

Pardon me, I guess I've shown a complete lack of commitment to this sport of mutual ball-busting we have going on here. I'll work harder.

PTN

 

[Cape Brewing]

We lost Ben two weeks ago to cancer. We finally had to put him down. The tripod line was funny though. You just keep getting better and better at this while bustin-chops thing. Maybe you should do stand-up.

 

[paulthenurse]

Ok, it's 8:13 am, I can start drinking now so I don't feel like such a ********* for that line.


Only that line, mind you.

PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

OK, the remains of a bottle of gin, 90 minutes and a few PM's have made me feel better.

You are SUCH a ******!!!! I mean, it was bad enough to set me up with that line about the dog having cancer and all the rest of the bullsheet you spouted.

"Oh ya, poor Ben has osteosarcoma (sniff sniff) I'm not sure how much longer we're (gulp) going to have him with us... (Deep breath) Hey can you give me a minute here, the wind blew a piece of dust in my eye.)


And then the truth comes out!!! You are running a dog sitting service out of your home and the freakin dog wasn't even YOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Nah, he belongs to some rich ***** on the other side of town. That ******* bimbo pays me $65 dollars a week to dogsit! And the ******* thinks she's getting a bargain cause I charge her $75/week apiece for her other 2 dogs! I told her I felt bad charging her full freight, that I sort of felt like Ben was part of the family. She left here bawling her eyes out. I'll be fleecing her to the tune of $150 a week for the rest of her natural life, probably more when she gets the nesting urge in a while and gets a puppy."


You have 32 mangey, syphalitic hounds out back in pens at $75/week and pretend that you really care? How do you live with yourself? Oh I get it, you gross $2400/week sitting on your ass watching English Premier League Soccer while the puppys pick their way around petrified turds in their cages. I guess that makes it a lot easier for you.

"Hello, is this Norton Town Hall? I'd like to talk to the Animal Control Officer please."

 

[paulthenurse]

BTW, my avatar is SO much better than yours.

 

[ClutchDude]

Wow. This thread gets awesomer/weirder by the day.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Ignore him. He's old. My hope is that if I just ignore him long enough... he'll just die.

And he KEEPS going with the dog jokes... For those who don't know, our family dog developed bone cancer in his right hind. Given his age, we didn't feel it would be right to put him through an amputation and chemo so we made him comfortable and, unfortunately, just waited. He lasted about two months and then we finally just lost him about two weeks ago.

Apparently Paul finds this hilarious.

Nice huh?

Anyway we can get Paul to join Copperhed???

 

[pompeiisneaks]

Yeha its now a PTN hijack ;P

 

[paulthenurse]

Just talked to Brian on the phone. He was laughing so hard I could barely understand him. As best I got he was sitting on the bench in the kennel laughing as he fed all the dogs scraps from a pig farm.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"Yup, I sure made you look like an ass, didn't I? You know what the absolutely BEST part is? I hated that freaking dog! He was my wifes dog and from the first time I showed up at her sorority he hated me. He used to **** in my shoes whenever he got the chance. I've been bit by that ****er more times than I care to recount. Ya know when I realised that I wouldn't ever be completely happy until that ****ing dog was dead? Hold on a second and let me tell you...

We were up skiing in NH at Attitash. We were both in college and I paid a lot more money than I could afford to take SWMBO away skiing for the weekend. She promised me that her mother would watch the dog for the weekend. So I show up on Friday afternoon outside of BU and she is standing there on Comm Ave with her suitcase, her skis and ****face!

"I thought your Mother was going to watch him?"

"Well I asked her but then she wanted to know where I was going and I didn't want to tell her about you yet, so it was just easier this way..."

So later on that night when she has a half bottle of Jose in her and I'm getting her going, I've got my A game working and she's getting all worked up. I mean she is steaming hot! And just as I'm about to plow thru the curtains onto center stage, the ****ing dog starts licking my sack. I mean, WTF!! What do I do? I've spent $250 to get her here and I'm finally plowing her fields. I'll be DAMNED if I let that ****ing dog ruin it! So I kept on bashing away for a minute or so and then and the magic moment comes. I'm just about to cast my seed when she senses that it's coming and pulls away quickly. Well as luck would have it, *****bag ended up catching my load on his snout. And you would think I had just taken a AK47 to a kindergarten.

"Oh, sweetness, did you get any of that nasty stuff in your eyes? Lets go get cleaned up...''

So I'm sitting there in the rapidly cooling bed, all alone while she cleans my smack of that feaking dogs nose."

(You need to know that by now Cape Brewing was shouting like Adolf Hitler in a biergarten.)

"That was when I knew, I just ****ing KNEW, that I would never rest easy untill that ****ing dog was dead. AND I OUTLIVED THE ****ER!!!!!!!!!!! Muhhhaaaaaaaaaaa"'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I thought it best to just hang up at that point!

PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

What you got now, Biatch?

Maybe an old joke? I love it when you make the old jokes, they are a riot.


PTN

 

[Cape Brewing]

You have freakin' issues you sick bastard

 

[babalu87]

What you got now, Biatch?

Maybe an old joke? I love it when you make the old jokes, they are a riot.


PTN

Just dont recommend that he set up a group buy of grains because its a good learning experience.............. he's already learning, he made me the money handler

 

[paulthenurse]

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

 

[paulthenurse]

You have freakin' issues you sick bastard

As previously mentioned, you got major weaknesses in your interpersonal responces. If you had paid a little more attention to that you might have actually learned to like the little puppy and been there for him in his hour of need.

PTN

Your sex life would probably be a whole lot better, too.

Opps, SWMBO asked me to not mention that.

 

[paulthenurse]

Of course you ARE still president of the Norton Chapter of NAMBLA. Your sex life is probaly just fine, in your wierd, twisted mind.

 

[paulthenurse]

Wow. This thread gets awesomer/weirder by the day.

Put your seatbelt on, son. It's only going to go downhill from this admittedly low point.

 

[Cape Brewing]

This was actually a real thread at one point.

Shouldn't you be in "drunken ramblings"??

 

[McSwiggin']

And just as I'm about to plow thru the curtains onto center stage, the ****ing dog starts licking my sack. PTN

SIG WORTHY

 

[McKBrew]

Damn, don't you Northeastern brewers have enough of your own threads. Every damn thread at HBT has been ruined by your mindless, girl like chitter chatter.

Give the rest of us a break and find another way to communicate with your BFF.

 

[paulthenurse]

Lighten up, Francis!

 

[babalu87]

Damn, don't you Northeastern brewers have enough of your own threads. Every damn thread at HBT has been ruined by your mindless, girl like chitter chatter.

Give the rest of us a break and find another way to communicate with your BFF.

Go have another cup of your overated coffee

Mind the straight razors too you depressed rain soaked SOB

 

[paulthenurse]

Oh ya, that's right!! It started out as a thread where you wanted the rest of us to explain the Rockwell-like weirdness surrounding your $6K Brewstrocity. Let me see if I can recall how it went...


"Dear Internet Friends,

I just dropped 6 K building a Brewstrocity that is more complicated than a Los Angeles Class nuclear submarine. On it's inaugeral brew I stood there with 10 other members of my" club" NAMBLA, and had a VERY strange effieciency. I added a total of 83.25 gallons of water to the Brewstocity and after 48 hours of brewing I got back a quart and half of wort. Anyone got any I ideas WTF I'm doing, cause I clearly don't?

Your Internet friend,
NowhereneartheCapeBrewing"

And it degenerated from there???? Go figure!

PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

Go have another cup of your overated coffee

Mind the straight razors too you depressed rain soaked SOB

Hey Babalu,
Don't let it degenerate into personal attacks and cheap shots. Rise above the fray, brother. Remember... You make a damned fine Baltic Porter and someone who lives just off 495 has yet to make a BMC clone. Besides, I have enough personal attacks in this thread for 6 people.

Quwahn. Hmmmmmmmmm. Hmmmmmmmm. Hmmmmmm


'Don't let it bring you down. it's only Brians house burning,
Just grab a beer and stand in the driveway,
And watch the house burn down."

PTN

 

[dsdrake219]

best thread ever.
this is hilarious
im loving it

 

[paulthenurse]

This thread is amature hour. Try this one one for size to experience New England trash talking as it was meant to be.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Damn, don't you Northeastern brewers have enough of your own threads. Every damn thread at HBT has been ruined by your mindless, girl like chitter chatter.

Give the rest of us a break and find another way to communicate with your BFF.

Just for the record... I'm not communicating with anyone. I've actually tried to stick to THE TOPIC of this thread since I started it and actually had some great thoughts put up by folks and have tried to circle back to those folks.

Then, some druck jackass stumbled in and started spewing all sorts of crap (not naming any names).

I'm perfectly happy losing all of that crap and sticking to the TOPIC!!

 

[paulthenurse]

BTW, there AIN't no freakin glaciers in Sweden! I checked!