What does your "commercial" beer say about you

[OhCrap]

Just came across this...a bit long but funny

Tasmai Uppin / ThinkStock
“If you’re a big fan of Abita Purple Haze, you’ve probably exposed yourself at Mardi Gras, but you own it. Good for you.”
“You’re a raspberry and cheese lover… you know a lot about beer and cheeses. You believe that fruits and beer should be a thing that everyone loves.”

“Nobody picks Amstel Light by choice. It’s always the last thing sitting depressingly alone at the bottom of the ice bucket.”
“You’re the ultimate guy/girl next door.”

“Blue Moon is craft beer for people who have never had a craft beer.”
“You’re a proud member of the citrus-in-beer club and your friends are forced to make an extra trip on your behalf, regularly.”
“You are a free spirit and probably think Burning Man is the coolest festival out there.”
“These people believe, mistakenly, that they have refined tastes.”

“Brooklyn Lager drinkers are new to hipsterdom.”
“You’re good-natured and reliable. You may not be the best at everything, but you’re always there and ready to pitch in.”
“You do not care what people think. Drink on, brotha!”

James Grebey / Anheuser-Busch / Via blogger.com
“If you bought Budweiser instead of another beer just because of the American flag cans, I respect that decision.”
“U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!”
“No nonsense.”
“You own a truck! You are proud of that truck and why wouldn’t you be?”
“Budweiser may be a really basic beer, but people who drink it have hidden depths. They have feelings. They cried during that Clydesdale commercial.”

“Bud Light is for people who just. don’t. care.”
“People who order Bud Light Lime enjoy salted soap water, but also want to watch their figure.”

“Bud Light Lime is used to cleanse the wounds you get from being made fun of for drinking it.”
“This is a garbage beer for garbage people.”

“Chimay is the last drink a person has before filing for bankruptcy.”
“Coors drinkers ran out of Budweiser.”

“Drinking to drink.”
“You reach for a Coors as your safety net at a party full of people you don’t know.”

“Coors Light is a good before-noon beer.”
“Coors Light is what people of the ‘beer before liquor’ genre drink.”
“You speak almost exclusively in emoticons.”

“When a lot of people say Corona, they usually precede it with the words ‘I don’t like beer, except for…’”
“They’re friendly and warm as a people. If they were a song they’d be Noah and the Whale’s ‘5 Years Time.’”
“People drink Corona everywhere, but all of them would rather be at the beach.”
“They’re the kind of people who wish for endless summers.”
“Corona drinkers have vocal fry.”
“They ‘like to party-y-y-y-y-y-y-y’ Bey style.”

“People who like Dogfish Head’s 60 Minute IPA either know a good thing when they’ve got it, or are about to go down a rabbit hole.”
“You are organic in nature!”
“Anyone who likes Dogfish Head’s 90 Minute IPA, meanwhile, clearly goes the extra mile for quality. They don’t like to settle for less, and enjoy the finer things.”
“But people who require the 120 Minute IPA take things way too far. They stare down at everyone else from their high horse.”

“People who drink Dos Equis are especially susceptible to advertising.”

“There are two types of people who like Guinness: people who know the history of the beer and will be quick to tell you that it’s actually really low in calories and good for you, and people who pass out in the street on Saint Patrick’s Day.”
“You like coffee — no, you LOVE coffee and all things heavy.”

James Grebey / Heineken International / Via brewsnews.com.au
“Someone told you IPAs are awesome. You decided to try one. You got Harpoon.”
“You consider yourself a seasoned beer drinker, and are off to a good start, but have a ways to go.”

“Heineken is for people who are classy, but not really that interesting.”
“You are the kind of person who probably owns a sports car or wishes you owned one.”
“If you drink Heineken, you’re probably just a dad.”
“You are trying to be fancy.”
“It’s what you drink when you decide to go back to school and get another degree.”

“Hitachino drinkers are quiet, but brilliant.”
“Shine on you crazy diamond.”

“Keystone Ice drinkers usually have a hard time deciding between Keystone Ice and Natty Ice.”
“Keystone Light-ers are high school juniors.”
“If water got you drunk, you’d probably just drink that.”
“Ninety-nine percent of road sodas are Keystone Ice.”
“People who drink normal Keystone must’ve gone out of their way to find and purchase Keystone Heavy. That terrifies me.”
“Kingfisher drinkers go by the ‘Ooh la la la la ley ooo’ mantra.”
“You’re a king who fishes. Not really, but like the bird you consider yourself unique.”
“You say Machcha…aka Indian equivalent of bro and dude.”

“Folks who drink Lagunitas are usually pretty fun and carefree, but they take certain things really seriously — like ordering a good beer.”
“You care not just about beer but everything. You care so much that you even know what Lagunitas means.”

“Dark, mysterious, sexy…like Left Hand Milk Stout Nitro.”

“A Lime-A-Rita is fine to have once ironically. Anybody who makes a repeat purchase should be exiled.”
“For people who just like juice.”
“Copacabana is your jam.”
“You can be a little kooky.”
“Some people just want to watch the world burn.”

James Grebey / Miller Brewing Company / Via img.docstoccdn.com
“You’re fancy and you know it, you Magic Hat #9-ers.”
“It’s your homie drink. ”
“You’re the kind of person who takes pride in your beer choice, and while Magic Hat may be your default mode, you are open to trying other beers.”
“You’re quirky, but not as unique as you think, and that’s OK!”

“MGD 64 peeps are health-conscious, but are going about it in all the wrong ways.”
“Just as Miller High Life isn’t really the ‘champagne of beers,’ the people who drink it aren’t ‘the champagne of people.’ But they know that, and are also in on the joke, so it’s OK.”
“Miller drinkers are prideful. They know they’re enjoying a low-tier beverage, but it’s the best of the worst.”
“Miller Light = lightweight.”
“You love Wade Boggs.”
“Miller Light drinkers have no pretensions. Their beer choice is as timeless as the can it comes in.”

“Modelo is for people who just want Budweiser, but want to be wordly.”
“They’re cute and international.”
“Especial.”

“Molson drinkers are repping for Canada! They will make all of their non-Canadian friends drink it so they can show them that Canada is indeed pretty frickin’ cool.”
“They love hockey, have hockey hair and a few missing teeth, and wear an inordinate amount of denim.”
“Monk in the Trunk is for those who are made up of sugar, spice, and all things nice.”

“Narragansett people have gotten drunk on a boat many times. But, like, not a yacht. A fishing trawler or something.”

James Grebey / Anheuser-Busch / Via dutchessbeer.com
“I feel like Natty Ice is the go-to beer for butt-chugging.”
“Natty drinkers ask, ‘Do you even lift, bro?’ before telling people to pass them ‘a frat soda.’”
“You probably wear backward trucker hats and cut the sleeves off of sweatshirts.”
“People who drink a ton of Natty Light are really, really good at beer pong, but not great at life.”
“They’re prone to making mistakes, starting with buying Natty Light.”
“You still listen to Asher Roth.”

“People who order a Newcastle Brown Ale at a bar really want everyone around them to know that they studied abroad in London.”
“They think they know something that no one else does.”
“When you start drinking Newcastle, your vocab gets peppered with bollocks! Cheerio! Matey! ****!”

“If you are drinking a Pabst Blue Ribbon you are either a hipster or a grandpa.”
“You are in a cool garage band. You drink PBR like you drink water. Because you are in a band.”
“You find PBR goes well with the artisanal pickles you’re making.”
“Poor adult.”
“Not always a hipster. Sometimes just practical…or a grandpa…”

“You want to be seen with a Red Stripe in your hand.”
“You’ve even convinced yourself that the shape of the bottle isn’t why you chose Red Stripe.”
“If you’re drinking Red Stripe, it’s because you needed something to drink while you’re smoking weed.”
“Red’s Apple Ale drinkers don’t really like beer. They like alcoholic apples.”
“You recently graduated from Mike’s Hard.”

“People who like Rogue’s beers have good taste and are adventurous. Don’t lie: Did you pick this beer because you thought it would impress your friends who drink boring beer?”
“You are rogue-esque but in a totally casual way.”
“Let me paint you a picture. You had a long weekend, lots of work, lots of stress. You decided to unwind with your friends at this chillaxy dive bar and when the bartender asked you what you want you pointed at whatever was closest. You took the first sip and life was suddenly fun and delicious again. This drink is your blankie.”

James Grebey / Miller Brewing Co. / Via ohio.com
“You tell people that Sam Adams is actually a really good beer and that everyone should be drinking it because it is made in ‘Merica!”
“You’re a pretty relaxed guy. You want a good beer, but don’t want to make a big fuss about it.”
“You enjoy the sidelines, in a good way…hanging back and watching a fight rather than joining in. Chill time!”

“Saranac drinkers like hiking, and probably have an awesome granola recipe.”

“If you drink a Sea Dog IPA you are charming, cheerful, lovable, adorable, fun, and playful. Wait, I just described a dog. You’re the human version of it! And that’s a compliment.”
“Alpha dog of your friends pack. You’re in control while not being in control.”
“Suave but subtle.”

“Shiner Bock drinkers have been to a rodeo or two.”

James Grebey / Sea Dog Brewing Company / Via media.beermonthclub.com
“Shipyard Pumpkinhead is just fun. fun. fun. You also get super excited when they bring back Pumpkin Spice Lattes at Starbucks every fall.”
“Pumpkins are, like, in season, bro.”
“You are the kind of person who yearns for fall. Screw all other seasons. Fall is the best.”

“People who like Shock Top like Blue Moon, but think they’re better than Blue Moon.”
“This beer is Blue Moon’s boyfriend. You’d rather be caught cheating on a Blue Moon with a Shock Top than any other beer.”
“You have a sunny disposition but more on the ‘Woo’ side of things.”
“You are a free spirit with some edge.”

“People who like Sierra Nevada maintain a good balance between quality and convenience.”

“Singha drinkers are into trying new things and new flavors and you picked this because you consider yourself bold and wanderlust-y.”
“You’ve never been to Thailand. This is your way of experiencing Thailand remotely.”

“Personally I drank Stella Artois because Stella commercials were genius. Not anymore. Also Artois is a fun word to say.”
“You appreciate the finer but cheaper things in life.”
“You like the idea of being classy, but you don’t want to alienate people.”

“If you drink Yuengling you are a fancy light beer drinker.”
“People who like Yuengling tend to be extremely passionate and defensive about pretty mediocre things.”
“Good, cold-blooded East Coaster.”

“Oh, and people who drink Steel Reserve just don’t give a ****

 

[masskrug]

I have never had Blue Moon. Is it really crafty?

Lagunitas usually kicks ass.

 

[Fedora]

I have never had Blue Moon. Is it really crafty?

Lagunitas usually kicks ass.

The marketing is crafty. The beer is mediocre at best.

 

[madscientist451]

I generally don't like generalizations.

 

[dkevinb]

The sad part is that I have drunk every beer on that list, and find it mostly accurate. Except the stuff with limes in it. Not my thing.