What a Jerkoff...(Plus, Guinness suxxorz!)

[Evan!]

So the wife and I drove an hour and a half on Saturday to Farmville, VA, to visit this massive furniture compound. The furniture was hyper-expensive, but we did find a nice discounted persian rug (8'x10' for $550...I had no idea persians were so expensive!) Anyway, when we got to Farmville, it was lunchtime, so we went into this restaurant that was part of the "compound". It was sort of like a pub-ish "family restaurant" kind of place. Anyway, the food wasn't bad, but when the waiter comes to the table, I ask him what kind of beer they have.

He says, "name it", with this smirk that radiated pride.

Suspecting that, while this guy seemed proud of their beer selection, they probably had nothing more uncommon than Rolling Rock, I say, "Well, what do you have".

He says, again, "name it", with the same smirk. Now, I didn't want to blow a circuit in this idiot's mainframe, so I wasn't about to say "How about Maredsous or Westvleteren". So I ask him what kind of stouts they have.

"Guinness in a can". Oh. Like I suspected.

I ask him what kind of IPA's they have. As the proud smirk fades from his mug, he stumbles a bit before mumbling something about Stella.

Pissed off, but at least glad that I shot the smug ******* down a few rungs, I settled on a Guinness just so that I could end the conversation. Now, it's been years since I bothered drinking Guinness, and I had forgotten just how tasteless it was. I mean...WOW! It's like...foamy water. What the hell? There's no roastiness, no nothing. Just black, foamy water. I'd have been better off with Stella, which, while pretty devoid of taste, isn't as tasteless as Guinness.

Bah, I say, Bah! What a joke that all was. And the worst part is that the weak-ass 3.4% or whatever didn't even get me a buzz, which is precisely what I needed, going into a massive furniture store with the wife. Buncha BS. What is wrong with people?

 

[rdwj]

What is wrong with people?

That's pretty much what I was thinking after reading that.

 

[homebrewer_99]

That's pretty much what I was thinking after reading that.

ROTFLMMFAO!!!!

 

[aekdbbop]

haha... i love it... take em down a peg or two....

 

[Evan!]

haha... i love it... take em down a peg or two....

I wasn't an ******* about it or anything. I was actually quite nice, despite how uncormfortable the whole "name it" game made me. Why do that to someone? Why can't you just tell me what kind of beer you have, and I'll choose from that list? I can understand the first time, but when I ask you what kinds you have, why would you say "name it" again? I just don't appreciate being patronized by some guy who has wrongly assumed that he has whatever I'm looking for.

 

[homebrewer_99]

I wasn't an ******* about it or anything. I was actually quite nice, despite how uncormfortable the whole "name it" game made me. Why do that to someone? Why can't you just tell me what kind of beer you have, and I'll choose from that list? I can understand the first time, but when I ask you what kinds you have, why would you say "name it" again? I just don't appreciate being patronized by some guy who has wrongly assumed that he has whatever I'm looking for.

That's the main problem...they should have a list, especially if they have a lot of brews to offer.

I use another technique. I ask what kind of imports they have.

The funny thing is that's where they list other than imports, e.g., Killian's, Blue Moon, Shiner, etc.

 

[uglygoat]

you should have just asked for an arrogant bastard ale and let the server figure it out on his own.

 

[the_bird]

I would have just told the waiter "I'm not really sure what I feel like; can you at least tell me what's on tap?"

And if the 3.4% Guinness wasn't enough for you.... why didn't you have two?

 

[Melana]

I would have been frustrated too. All I ask if that you please answer the question before my husband gets mad.

 

[olllllo]

This brings back memories...
*Harp Music*
*blurry picture*

https://www.homebrewtalk.com/showthread.php?t=11727

 

[zoebisch01]

I wasn't an ******* about it or anything. I was actually quite nice, despite how uncormfortable the whole "name it" game made me. Why do that to someone? Why can't you just tell me what kind of beer you have, and I'll choose from that list? I can understand the first time, but when I ask you what kinds you have, why would you say "name it" again? I just don't appreciate being patronized by some guy who has wrongly assumed that he has whatever I'm looking for.

First thing, You didn't know Persian's were expensive..loller. $500 clams is a steal.

I think the reason for the whole game Evan, (like lots of things) was that in his world their list of stuff was probably really impressive, or at least to him it was. You should have hit him with the Maredsous line. Nothing more than worlds colliding here....move along

You were nice about it, I tip my hat. I probably would have thrown the most obscure thing out at him to watch him wiggle lol.

Funny thing, along those lines. SWMBO after tasting my Oatmeal Stout and some other things early on, opened a Guiness I had laying around. She was like "This doesn't taste like anything".

 

[Evan!]

I would have just told the waiter "I'm not really sure what I feel like; can you at least tell me what's on tap?"

And if the 3.4% Guinness wasn't enough for you.... why didn't you have two?

Because it's painful enough paying $4 or $5 for a can of tasteless pseudo-beer when I have 20-some cases of real beer at home. I couldn't bring myself to spend any more...

 

[Evan!]

This brings back memories...
*Harp Music*
*blurry picture*

https://www.homebrewtalk.com/showthread.php?t=11727

Ha...perfect! That was before my time, but...perfect.

 

[Evan!]

First thing, You didn't know Persian's were expensive..loller. $500 clams is a steal.

Well, I see that now. I'm not really a rug guy, to be honest, so I had no idea that the f'ers were so bloody expensive. I never thought I'd be spending $500 on one...but after looking at the whole selection and seeing the crazy multi-thousand-dollar tags on someof them (and this was in the "discount" building), I don't feel so bad about paying what I did.

I think the reason for the whole game Evan, (like lots of things) was that in his world their list of stuff was probably really impressive, or at least to him it was. You should have hit him with the Maredsous line. Nothing more than worlds colliding here....move along

I know, I should have...but I was just trying not to be a dick. Even though the guy was trying my patience. I hate, hate, hate those games. I mean, I could understand if it was Capitol Ale House or something...but CAH actually has a beer menu!

You were nice about it, I tip my hat. I probably would have thrown the most obscure thing out at him to watch him wiggle lol.

Hmm, how about a 1998 JW Lees Harvest Ale? No? Well, you said "name it", so I named it. Now go find me a JW Lees, *****!

Funny thing, along those lines. SWMBO after tasting my Oatmeal Stout and some other things early on, opened a Guiness I had laying around. She was like "This doesn't taste like anything".

No shyt. I was floored by how devoid of taste that stuff is. Oh, how my palate has evolved. I used to like it!

 

[zoebisch01]

No shyt. I was floored by how devoid of taste that stuff is. Oh, how my palate has evolved. I used to like it!

It reminds me of when you rewatch a film that you thought at one time was so cool and it sucks.

 

[Evan!]

It reminds me of when you rewatch a film that you thought at one time was so cool and it sucks.

Speaking of which...I used to love C.H.U.D., but I have a sneaking suspicion that if i watched it now, I'd hate it. Has anyone seen that lately? Is it really as good/campy as I remember?

 

[loopmd]

This brings back memories...
*Harp Music*
*blurry picture*

https://www.homebrewtalk.com/showthread.php?t=11727

I was reading along just fine on this ole thread, and then WHAM.....there she was.....ole copper. I think I let out a scream in my cubicle.


loop

 

[sirsloop]

ask for a "half and half"... and ***** slap them when they bring you a handful of creamers

Unless you are in place that specifically sells microbrew beer or something, what else can you expect? They stock what sells...which is name brand commercial beer.

If you dont like commercial watered down beer- just do what I do... "Water with lemon, Please." If you close your eye's just imagine drinking a really bad uncarbonated hefe

 

[Schlenkerla]

Evan,

After the 2nd "Name it" I would have been annoyed, but at that point I would have said "I'm a brewer and I'm not sure what I want to drink. My food selection may depend on what you have on hand. - OK. Why don't you tell me or give me the bar list."

If it came to a 3rd "Name it" I would have said "Water." Then left for the manager to have a word about his behavior.

I'm usually patient with SOB's like that. No Spit or A$$ crack needed on my food. -

You have to remember how most of the public are neophites when it come to beer. Even when they think they know beer. You probably take it for granted about how much you know about beer.

One question, did you ever see the can of Guiness? Maybe this scrotum-face brought you something dark, not necessarily Guiness?

I don't think its a bad to say this beer is aweful and ask for something better. I've had cabbage smelling Sammy's before and didn't think twice about sending it back.

Somethimes its best to not have high expections outside of the house or your preffered watering hole. My wife is unpleasable when it comes to pizza outside of Chicago.

Better luck next time!

PS - Did buy yourself a Persian reminant?

 

[Evan!]

Evan,

After the 2nd "Name it" I would have been annoyed, but at that point I would have said "I'm a brewer and I'm not sure what I want to drink. My food selection may depend on what you have on hand. - OK. Why don't you tell me or give me the bar list."

Hehe, yeah, that might've worked.

If it came to a 3rd "Name it" I would have said "Water." Then left for the manager to have a word about his behavior.

Yeah, I wasn't about to ask him a third time. I'd have lost it.

You have to remember how most of the public are neophites when it come to beer. Even when they think they know beer. You probably take it for granted about how much you know about beer.

Sometimes I do, but this time, I really just wanted to know what they had...and not be forced to play a guessing game with this ******. The reason I asked what kind of stouts and IPA's they had was precisely to guage their selection without being an ******* and yelling at the guy because he wouldn't stop playing games.

One question, did you ever see the can of Guiness? Maybe this scrotum-face brought you something dark, not necessarily Guiness?

No, he brought the can to the table and let me pour myself. It was definitely Guinness, and it was definitely water.

I don't think its a bad to say this beer is aweful and ask for something better. I've had cabbage smelling Sammy's before and didn't think twice about sending it back.

Except the ******* didn't come back for like 15 minutes. I contemplated sending it back, but I never had the opportunity.

Somethimes its best to not have high expections outside of the house or your preffered watering hole. My wife is unpleasable when it comes to pizza outside of Chicago.

Yeah, I didn't have terribly high expectations, as most places just have BMC and maybe Sam's if you're lucky. Even if all they had was PBR, I'd have been fine with that, so long as the waiter didn't play games with me.

PS - Did buy yourself a Persian reminant?

Nope, it's a really nice 8x10, not a remnant...and it really ties the room together, dude.

 

[Schlenkerla]

Nope, it's a really nice 8x10, not a remnant...and it really ties the room together, dude.

Good - At least it wasn't a wasted trip. - I was just kidding about the reminant!!!

BTW - I was in China last week and got a good look at some mighty fine pyle.

 

[Pumbaa]

$1,000,000 Question time . . .

Did it come in a "Pint" or a .4liter glass?

 

[sirsloop]

$1,000,000 Question time . . .

Did it come in a "Pint" or a .4liter glass?

here we go again...

 

[the_bird]

I'm going to steal Orpheus' link and say that you should have done "The Gesture" to the waiter...

 

[Torchiest]

I often tell people we probably have what they're looking for, but we legitimately have over a hundred beers at my place, fifty of which are on a tap wall right behind me. I also let people look at our beer list and taste free samples. Anyone proud of having Guinness and Stella is clueless.

 

[Evan!]

$1,000,000 Question time . . .

Did it come in a "Pint" or a .4liter glass?

solo cup. red.

nah, it came in a .4 liter glass. The can filled it just to the rim.

 

[Evan!]

I often tell people we probably have what they're looking for, but we legitimately have over a hundred beers at my place, fifty of which are on a tap wall right behind me. I also let people look at our beer list and taste free samples. Anyone proud of having Guinness and Stella is clueless.

Like I said, I can understand the "name it" comment once. Maybe. And that's a stretch given their obviously paltry selection. But when the customer says, in response, "what do you have", why would you keep trying to play the game? Just tell me! Answer my question. That's all. Whether you have 100 beers or 4.

 

[Rhoobarb]

It's been my experience that whenever a waitperson tells me "Name it." or "Oh, we have everything!", I'm in for slim pickings. If I ask for certain brands or a regional beer, they soon turn downbeat and answer, "No.... no... nope, don't have that." And I end up settling for the 'least lame' beer they offer.

 

[Schlenkerla]

Like I said, I can understand the "name it" comment once. Maybe. And that's a stretch given their obviously paltry selection. But when the customer says, in response, "what do you have", why would you keep trying to play the game? Just tell me! Answer my question. That's all. Whether you have 100 beers or 4.

"Name it!", can work once maybe twice, however for twice in my book you need to have one or two from every beer drinking nation not too look like a fool.

 

[olllllo]

Collectively, we need to make up a series of non-existent brands in the "*****begsayswhat" vein.

Dumass Porter?

 

[Torchiest]

I usually say, we have almost everything, and then offer a menu. What is depressing is when people look at the massive beer wall and say, "Do you have Miller?" Argh. Wish I could say no.

 

[Schlenkerla]

from olllllo:

Collectively, we need to make up a series of non-existent brands in the "*****begsayswhat" vein.

Dumass Porter?



Yes - Like;

"Schiezenkofpt Brau" aka: Sh!thead Brew

"Hahnesaugen Bier" aka: male chicken-sucker beer

 

[Evan!]

I usually say, we have almost everything, and then offer a menu. What is depressing is when people look at the massive beer wall and say, "Do you have Miller?" Argh. Wish I could say no.

That's why I love Capitol Ale House. They have 50 taps in the downstairs bar alone...and they don't waste a single on on BMC. Beautiful. If you want a BMC, you'll have to get a bottle. Ha!

 

[olllllo]

from olllllo:

Collectively, we need to make up a series of non-existent brands in the "*****begsayswhat" vein.

Dumass Porter?



Yes - Like;

"Schiezenkofpt Brau" aka: Sh!thead Brew

"Hahnesaugen Bier" aka: male chicken-sucker beer

I'm going with
"Schiezenkofpt Brau"

can you phonetically spell that?

Shytzenkoff? or no t?

 

[Schlenkerla]

I'm going with
"Schiezenkofpt Brau"

can you phonetically spell that?

Shytzenkoff? or no t?

I think you have it right. Shyzen-cop-pif

I miss-spelled it, should be Schiezenkopft.

How about; Arschloch Weisse Bier?

See link....

http://www.iee.et.tu-dresden.de/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/wernerr/search.sh?string=*******&nocase=on&hits=50

 

[Big Al]

Next time just ask him what their Grand Cru is.

 

[dibby33]

I would have been frustrated too. All I ask if that you please answer the question before my husband gets mad.

I agree. Just answer the question.

He just needs educated. You should have given him this forum address. Get some cards printed up for the next time, for there will be one.

 

[Ó Flannagáin]

Whyyyyyy the guinness hate?!?! Sucks about the waiter though, what an ass. I actually get up and leave when **** like that happens, can't handle ******* service.

 

[BierMuncher]

Nothing beats a homebrew guiness. Mine has a 1/4 lb (for 10 gallons) of black patent to give it some extra roast.

Hey Evan...sorry bout a **** experience.

I have a suggestion for the next time...

Beergun.
A six pack of sterilized bottles.
A cooler full of ice.

And don't forget a bottle opener.

 

[Evan!]

Whyyyyyy the guinness hate?!?!

It's not "hate". It just tastes like foamy water. If I were looking for black, foamy water, I'd order a Guinness. But in terms of a stout...it falls far short of most reasonable standards.