This felt wrong to me

[Steveruch]

In the Sunday paper was an article about a guy who's baby died, but he felt better after golfing a hole in one FIVE days later. Maybe it's just me, but I can not imagine participating in any game less than a week after my kid died.

 

[day_trippr]

I could never judge anyone who went through the loss of a child.
Otoh, your phraseology needs work: the first sentence left me thinking the guy shot a child to feel better

Cheers!

 

[Steveruch]

I could never judge anyone who went through the loss of a child.
Otoh, your phraseology needs work: the first sentence left me thinking the guy shot a child to feel better
Cheers!

Me neither and I would never say a harsh word to anyone in that situation, I was commenting on the fact that I couldn't imagine myself doing something as frivolous as golf that soon after my child's death.

Indeed it does; I did a quick edit on it.

 

[triethylborane]

less than a week after my kid died.

So 7 days plus is your metric?

frivolous as golf that soon after my child's death.

Maybe it isn't frivolous to him and helps him cope.

 

[MeatyPortion]

If either of my kids died I'd probably be near suicidal for about a month (give or take). If a hole in one made that feeling go away for a bit I'd take it.

 

[Steveruch]

So 7 days plus is your metric?



Maybe it isn't frivolous to him and helps him cope.

Massively plus.

Maybe not, but as I said I was commenting on the fact that I couldn't personally fathom doing so. Grief hits everyone differently and if that helped him I would never scold him for doing so.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

I've lost a child through natural causes. I took solace that we did everything we could possibly do and spared no expense in an attempt to prevent what we knew was inevitable. I grieved the day I laid her tiny body into the ground but was at peace as early as the next day and was contemplating going back to work. My wife grieved for a solid week and I stayed by her side in case she needed me for anything.

Everyone grieves differently.

 

[Revvy]

One thing I've learned in my 14 years as a minister, AND having lost my big brother 20 years ago, as well as my Dad 7 years, ago, my best friend, my mom, 2 neighbors, my work partner, the drummer from my last church all in a 2 year period, is that we all grieve differently, and we all find comfort differently.

 

[Zuljin]

I could never judge anyone who went through the loss of a child.
Otoh, your phraseology needs work: the first sentence left me thinking the guy shot a child to feel better

Cheers!

Hey. Everybody grieves differently. Don't judge.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

hey. Everybody phrases differently. Don't judge.

ftfy.

 

[billl]

If you think it would be cruel and offensive to say it to the guys face, maybe you should reconsider posting about it on a public forum.

 

[kh54s10]

When my dad died, I went to work the next day. They asked if I wanted time off. I said no, if I was at home I would be only thinking of his passing. At work I was distracted by having to deal with that. So, for me that was better than sitting at home stewing.

 

[SlitheryDee]

Who knows how the golf outing was arrived at anyway. He could have been moping about the house, staring at pictures of his dead child for four days before some concerned friends finally cajoled him out of the house to take his mind off the tragedy. I've seen people do crazier things to have a few moments of peace.

 

[Kee]

Sports have always been therapeutic to me, so I understand his playing golf (not that he needs my approval).

I have a harder time understanding why making a hole-in-one is on so many bucket lists.

 

[applescrap]

I have read countless stories about how people feel golf has saved their lives, figuratively anyways. Stories of tragedies, over coming addiction, etc. where the only solace people had was on a golf course. One guys wife and 2 kids were hit and killed in an accident and he dealt with it by golfing in every state or something. Golf courses can be and often are in beautiful places. They are open spaces, and make a nice back drop for contemplative thought. If walking, depending on the course, a mountain colorado course for example, would essentially be like hiking with hitting a ball attached. It wouldnt seem weird if someone was hiking to deal with loss, its similar believe it or not. To a golfer like me who might play as much as 3 to 5 times a week year in and year out, its probably a little deeper intwined in my life than would be obvious. Would it help you to understand if you knew he probably dedicated that shot to his kid, felt it going in was his kid responding from above, and that he probably spent five minutes there on his hands and knees crying. When a ball goes in a little hole from 150 yards or so, divine intervention is definitely in play. I'm not being critical of you if anything I'm trying to help you understand that this game is deeply tied to those of us who play it. Stories about the death of children always hit me very hard and I appreciate you posting this as a reminder to realize how blessed we all are.

 

[Steveruch]

If you think it would be cruel and offensive to say it to the guys face, maybe you should reconsider posting about it on a public forum.

It was on the front page of the local paper so the keeping it out of a public forum ship has sailed.
My intention was never to be cruel or offensive to the guy. I was merely commenting on an article in the paper that detailed something I would deal with differently than the subject of the article.

 

[Steveruch]

Stories about the death of children always hit me very hard and I appreciate you posting this as a reminder to realize how blessed we all are.

Me too.
I always relax when any of my grandkids who are out of the house return safely.

 

[bleme]

When my dad died, I went to work the next day. They asked if I wanted time off. I said no, if I was at home I would be only thinking of his passing. At work I was distracted by having to deal with that. So, for me that was better than sitting at home stewing.

My sister was 21 when she was killed in a car wreck. Work tried to get me to take a week off but I knew I'd go crazy at home. I took the day of the funeral off but otherwise I worked as much as possible. It's been 21 years and I still feel awful that I didn't tell her how to deal with blind corners when I was teaching her how to drive. I can't see a hole-in-one changing that.

 

[AZCoolerBrewer]

I haven’t had a lot of loss. My wife lost a very late term baby and still suffers from it pretty heavily even after a decade or so. Looking at it from the outside, I think there are limits to what is appropriate when mourning a loss. Even my wife holds resentment for her ex and how he handled losing that baby. The man who killed all those Amish children in that school said he did it because he couldn’t get over the loss of his child. So surely acting out negatively is often an inappropriate way to mourn, because it hurts others. So not having lived in the man’s shoes I can’t really say, but to me, having had a hole in one, and judging by what my wife has gone through, it seems shallow to have that be so therapeutic. On the other hand, he may have just been fooling himself and been on a short term high. Flip this on it’s head and ask, “would I sacrifice my child to get a hole in one”. I think a person would have to be a psychopath to even consider that trade. Now I’m not saying he is a psychopath, but I do question how much he honored his child’s life and conversely how much he values golf, if he really felt that much better long term. Not trying to start anything here, it just doesn’t make much emotional sense to me.

 

[day_trippr]

Under the circumstances what most might consider "abnormal" might actually be "normal".
I can't imagine the mental mush I'd turn into if I lost one of my sons - or one of my grandkids.
Heck - losing a dog has crushed me every time...

Cheers!