Surprise, honey... the kitchen's flooded.

[jpsloan]

Almost, anyway.

So, the SWMBO and child went down south to visit relatives, leaving me here on my own. First mistake.

I then decide to surprise her by replacing the kitchen sink and faucet, since the old one had developed a slow leak and was so bowed down that you couldn't set a glass in it without it falling over. Second mistake.

I look up on the OMG INTARWEBZ to see how to do it myself. The videos... they made it look so easy. So simple. A retarded monkey tripping balls on acid could do it. Consulting the internet... third mistake.

I buy the sink, the faucet, the pvc pipes, various odds and ends. I bring it home. I get to work. The theory was sound until I started trying to undo what was there. It wasn't budging. Not even a little. I crack out the hacksaw, and start cutting pipe out. So far so good. I manage to spend a half-hour cramming a new pipe into the hole in the wall. I manage to get everything set in the countertop. Screwed together. One finger's bleeding, I have this godless ichor that dripped out of the old plumbing up my jeans leg, my other hand is covered in silicone, there's water on the floor, and my blood pressure is somewhere in the mid 200's. But it was hooked up.

Then I try to run water through it.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

I try to fix it.

drip drip drip drip drip

I drain the water, and sleep on it. Next morning, I buy more parts and try to fix it.

dripdripdripdripdripdripdrip

Forty-eight hours later, I've just hired a plumber to come out on Friday to fix my mess. It'll cost at least again what I've already put into it, but I'm chalking that up as tuition for this semester in the school of life.

I may never graduate.

 

[nakros]

*laughing* This really made my night. My first tap replacement was remarkably similar!

hahahaha -- Sorry... just read it again. Thanks for posting, and I honestly can feel your pain, having been through it!

Hopefully the plumber won't be too expensive -- I was lucky in that my neighbor at the time was a plumber, and a good friend, who laughed and fixed it for me in about 2.3 seconds.

 

[jpsloan]

I'm just bracing for the crushing humiliation of having a master plumber come in and actually dissect what I've done. I'm sure I'll be the talk of the water cooler next week. I think I'll just crawl into a fetal position and squeeze my eyes shut until they leave, to go discuss what a complete screaming f#ckwhistle I am over drinks.

I think I just found the definition of Manhell.

 

[chefmike]

Consider it paying for education. Watch what he does, the tools he uses and ask reasonable questions.

I had to pay a plumber $150 to patch a water line a few years ago. I could not figure out how to patch it to get it to hold at pressure. I watched, I learned, I fixed the next three leaks on water lines the same way. Two of those were for a friend, with beer provided...

They are professionals for a reason, and frankly worth the money (often). No reason you can't learn from a professional.

I give you thumbs up for trying. For me, every project takes 4 times as long and costs twice as much as it should. But that is the price of experience.

 

[nakros]

I think I just found the definition of Manhell.

Offer him (and insist that he try) some of your brews. At least then you can say, "I can do little with running water... But look what I can do with this <insert wine/beer/mead here>". That quickly gains back manpoints.

Once again, I lucked out in that I had previously fixed this neighbors car several times, after he had tried and gotten angry enough to kick in his passenger-side door (the dents were picture-worthy).

PS: RDWH12HB

 

[nakros]

I give you thumbs up for trying. For me, every project takes 4 times as long and costs twice as much as it should. But that is the price of experience.

And a great excuse to buy/accumulate more tools!

 

[Aleforge]

I have to agree, not one project I have ever attempted turned out as easy as it sounded. There has always been some kind of roadblock that no one ever mentions that somehow ONLY happens to you.

 

[BierMuncher]

For every single project planned...

There lie a host of sub projects unforeseen.

I've plumbed several full-baths, kitchen sinks and shops sinks and you should not feel inadequate. I bet your plumber can't brew his own beer.

 

[DeathBrewer]

I bet your plumber can't brew his own beer.

indeed

 

[StunnedMonkey]

For what it's worth, I never have any failed home improvement projects. Here' my foolproof method:

1. Get out the Yellow Pages
2. Call a Professional and instruct him to come out straight away.
3. Write a check and leave it on the counter
4. Let Professional in the house
5. Go to the nearest bar that serves decent beer.
6. Drink decent beer.
7. Repeat step 6.
8. Repeat step 7, etc.
16. After an appropriate amount of time, return home to discover the check gone, and the work completed.
17. Take a nap.

YMMV, but it has always worked for me.

 

[david_42]

Plumbing is one of the more difficult home repair skills, simply because each repair will have unique problems: 'frozen' valves, breaking pipes, mismatched pipes, etc. And most pipe is inside a wall, under a floor, or in the ceiling; which turns a plumbing project into plumbing + carpentry + sheetrock + painting.

My worst experience was trying to remove a faucet under the kitchen sink because it was rusted open. Snapped the nipple off in the wall. The pipe was galvanized iron and packed almost solid with mineral deposits (70 year old house). That explained the low water flow, in every faucet in the house. After some thought, I calling in the pros and had the house completely re-plumbed out to the street.

 

[IrregularPulse]

plumbing, when not hidden in a wall, is generally not difficult, but that being said, I hate plumbing. It's not that it's difficult, usually, it's just annoying. No other improvement type, except maybe working with gas, will ruin your house if a small imperfection is not noticed. In the last 3 months I've replaced2 water valves, patched one line and have 2 more valves sitting downstairs waiting for me to get to. On the other hand I did get to buy a torch and found +100000 other uses for it thus far. When in doubt, just grab the torch!

 

[michaelm]

I spent 7 years on a jobsite as a plumber.... to be a good plumber you have to be able to do every other trade too....

concrete
carpentry
drywall
and even electrical
etc etc

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

So, basically, you are saying your are less adept at plumbing than, what was it, "A retarded monkey tripping balls on acid..."

I find the drips are usually the direct result of overtightening. Kinda like on a weldless bulkhead, ya know.

I have to re-place every stop valve in a house that has 4 sinks, and 3 toilets due to them being fused open and in a worthless state. Sure, it's not a difficult task but it is a PITA.

All the supply lines are hard pliumbed (rigid supply lines) so, inevitably I'll have to replace all those too and since they are connected to the faucets and toilet innards...... Well, it's a steep downhill slope on a mountain called "Positive Thinking" where the only open ski slope is called "certain death".

 

[caver95]

Plumbing is easy... All you need to know is **** rolls down hill, pay day is on friday, and dont chew your finger nails.

 

[michaelm]

Plumbing is easy... All you need to know is **** rolls down hill, pay day is on friday, and dont chew your finger nails.

LOL actually its **** rolls down hill, stink rolls up, payday is on friday and dont chew your fingernails

 

[Ceedubya]

I feel you pain, I had a similar experience putting in a garbage disposal and putting in a new drain a few months ago. I had to keep a bucket under the sink for 3 weeks until I finally got the thing to completely stop leaking.

And now, the disposal has died, and it looks like I need to replace it already

 

[jpsloan]

So, basically, you are saying your are less adept at plumbing than, what was it, "A retarded monkey tripping balls on acid..."

Ding Ding Ding... we have a winner! Thanks for playing, we have some lovely parting gifts...

The biggest freaking part of it is thinking about the damned thing all the time. Since I called a plumber (he's coming out tomorrow), I've had a lot more peace of mind.

And pursuant to that, bottled my Irish Red, and managed to brew a completely spontaneous brew on top of that. Peace of mind pays dividends, my friends.

 

[Bedlam]

I've got a story to share, Jpsloan, that will make you feel a little better.

El Hubbo is an engineer, a highly trained engineer at that. He's worked in nukes, explosives, lots of stuff. He knows lots and lots about various things.

He does not know plumbing.

I learned this not long after we purchased our first home together. He had finally, after a long hard fight and much justification, gotten permission to perform "telework" two days a week. He, envisioning sipping coffee in his underwear while responding to emails, proudly waved the official telework notification slip in the air, proclaiming "I've got the golden ticket!" in a sing-song voice, over and over. It was a bit annoying.

The first day of telework arrives and I shuffle off to my daily grind, leaving him, yes, in his underwear, cup of coffee in hand, beaming at me from the door. Humph.

I arrived home about 10 hours later to find not a sign of El Hubbo, except a hastily scrawled note on the kitchen counter that said, "No water. Gone to town."

I feared the worst.

I (stupidly) went out to the well house and poked my head inside. It looked like a small bomb using pvc shreds as schrapnel had gone off. Water was dripping from the ceiling. Even the dog looked guilty.

About the time I looked up from the destruction, I heard his truck in the drive. He pulled to a stop, puffed his cigar, but wouldn't leave the safety of the cab until he had ascertained my state of mind. He may be stupid at plumbing, but he's not THAT stupid.

The upshot was that I, already post-call and sleep deprived, became a plumber's assistant until around 10pm while we fixed the mess. It was not the best start to his telework career.

 

[jpsloan]

Thanks, Bedlam. A little schadenfreud always brightens my day.

Well, the plumber came yesterday, spent two hours working on it. Replaced everything with thick piping, and was very gracious about the whole thing. Our first conversation went like this.

Me: "blah blah I screwed it up I hate my lift"

Him: "Well hell, dude, it's not like you do this for a living."

So, $270 later, it was all plumbed up and working. No leaks. Not one.

Wifey came in town this morning, noticed my nervousness as we had lunch before coming home, got from me that I was preparing for her to geld me. Well, when she saw it, I got serious hugs and kisses. So, all's well that ends well.

 

[DeathBrewer]

disaster averted

 

[Homercidal]

I wish I could find the article, but somewhere I read a article that listed steps this guys did to replace a faucet in his sink, and it was hilarious, and even more hilarious because just about a week before, I went through nearly the exact same procedure. Man, that was funny.

I don't mind plumbing, because I know that:

a. I will not get it done as fast and easily as I expect.
b. Multiple trips to hardware store will ensue.
c. RDWHAHB.
d. I WILL get it done.

Some experience is handy, but sometimes when you are dealing with old plumbing, or hidden plumbing, it's going to get ugly!

 

[Domminigan]

I feel your pain.
I was getting ready to take a quick shower about a month after I had bought my wonderful, lovely, spectacular old house.

What the ****? The hot water had decided to start adjusting itself with no relation to the direction or motion of the tap.
I turned it off.
The tap disagreed with me, merrily increasing flow.
I turned it on, hoping that it would get tired and lumber off for a nap.
It toyed with me, shutting off for a second as if to close an eye, then erupting with superheated water as I reached through the spray for the cold tap to turn it off as well.
I'm not quite sure what I called it but I do remember that tap, spigot, and valve were terms that did not reach the peak of usage at the time.
Interesting note; Were you aware that striking a hot water tap that is drunk with it's own obscene evil power could cause the wonderful, innocent, saintly cold water tap to rocket from the assembly spewing it's various components so far that you might yet be unable to find them all a few years later?
I can only surmise that in the instant that I struck the devilish hot water tap, I averted sure death, as the hot water tap must have been building up a massive psychic attack to rend my body in twain and make me realize my own mortality. My blistering hand lashed out in a pre-cognitive defense against the pure evil psychic energy buildup in the tap, which threw the deadly rays of evilness against the defenseless cold tap.
At any rate, I was forced to run downstairs and shut off the house supply to avoid getting the hallway wet from the geyser spewing forth from the severed neck of my faithful cold tap.
I snagged some tools on the way up stairs, and set forth removing the two headed monster. When I had completed my exercise in beheading the foul thing, I discovered the root cause of the beast's thrashings. A chunk of deposit had broken from the thickly clogged inlet pipes and had worn away the metal seal. Moving the seal had simply maneuvered the chunk around, acting as the seal.
I gave it a few minutes thought and popped over to my folk's house for a quick shower, and then it was off to the glories of the fantasmagorical home supply store.
A little more than $400 from my coin purse later, and I was on my way into the magical world of plumbing repair!

...

 

[Cape Brewing]

I tend to fix everything myself. I have a lot of respect for professional pumbers, electricians, etc but at the same time... I've seen too many quotes to friends of a lot of money for something that is a freakin' 12 minute job.

Buddy was quoted $100 to install a new dishwasher. Are you kidding??? They're f'in HOSE CONNECTIONS now. You connect three wires, screw on two hoses and push it into the slot. Done.

I had a pressure-flushed toilet (supposedly uses a lot less water but soudns like a f'in jet engine when it flushes) that came with the house we bought and the diaphram in the thing went so I had to replace the whole toilet. I was pysched thought becuase I hated the jet engine.

Trip to HD for new toilet...

Get back, take the old toilet off (takes about 3 minutes)... Yeaaaaaay!!! The closet flange is cracked (of course it is). No, problem, I'll just get another closet flange.

Trip tp HD for new closet flange...

Get back... "ok, now I'll just pop this cracked one off"... ANNNNNT... cemented to the drain!! Greeeeeat...

Trip to HD to get two sided toilet mounting bolts so I can just screw them directly into floor and then blot the toilet to them. Awesome... here we go.

"now, I'll just screw these into the floor"... ANNNNNT... closet flange was mounted OVER my f'in marble tile in bathroom..... so now I gotta DRILL A HOLE WITH A MASONRY BIT, THROUGH the tile.

I drill the hole.

I screw in the screw...

Mount the toilet...

Reconnect everything...

YEAAAAAY!!!! New toilet that doesn't sound like a jet engine!!! Whooo hooo!!!

Total costs:

New toilet = $130
New closet flange = $0 since I returned it
Two sided screw/bolts = $4

I did have two annoying trips to Home Depot and it was aggrevating but... Can you imagine what it would have cost me to have a plumber!?!?!

"Ohhh... yeah... well... I had to replace this flange and then drill through the floor... yeah.... there's major work here... this is gonna run you about a grand"

It cost me $4. And if I want to relax and have a homebrew... I can sit on my new toilet and have one with $996 still in my pocket... which makes me a helluva lot more relaxed.