Stupid Joke Thread!

[ncbrewer]

An old one, but for those who haven't heard it...


What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter - he won't come anyway.


What do you calla dog with no legs, in front of the door?
Matt

 

[Broken Crow]

 

[jcav]

My dog has no legs, what a drag.....

 

[agentbud]

What do you call a doe with no eyes:
No ideer.

What do you call a doe with no eyes and no legs:
Still no ideer.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

I'm pretty sure Maxwell's equations never made me laugh before...until now.

 

[balrog]

Lacy thinnnnnnnnnnnnnngs, she's been missin'
Didn't asssssssssssssssssssk her permission

 

[balrog]

 

[doug293cz]

Lacy thinnnnnnnnnnnnnngs, she's been missin'
Didn't asssssssssssssssssssk her permission

View attachment 865046

I know what you did...

Brew on

 

[pvtpublic]

What do you get when you cross a hippo, an elephant, and a rhino?

Helephino

 

[balrog]

I told my date I am 50 but I have the body of a 20 year old. They were impressed, until I walked over and opened my freezer.

 

[Closet Fermenter]

I told my date I am 50 but I have the body of a 20 year old. They were impressed, until I walked over and opened my freezer.

They who?

I’m sorry; I am just not into the new pronoun thing; makes absolutely no sense to me. I sometimes have to read news reports several times to figure out what is being said. Was there more than one injured? I thought it was a single car accident with a lone driver???

 

[Broothru]

Q: What do you call a convention of chess players bragging to each other in a hotel lobby?

A: Chess nuts boasting on an open foyer.

 

[balrog]

I love board games.
Especially the one where they put meat and cheese on a board, with some crackers.

I'm really good at that one.

 

[balrog]

My wife told me to take the spider outside instead of killing it.

So I did.
Went out.
Had a few pints.
Nice guy.
He's a web designer.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

What would bears be without bees?

Ears.

 

[doogster]

View attachment 865777
What would bears be without bees?

Ears.

We must have had the same 2024 Dad Jokes calendar!

 

[balrog]

I went to an antique auction the other day.



Four people bid on me.

 

[balrog]

I injured myself yesterday measuring radio frequencies.


It still Hertz.

 

[Closet Fermenter]

I injured myself yesterday measuring radio frequencies.


It still Hertz.

Ohm…, I don’t know watt to say about that.

 

[Steveruch]

I went to an antique auction the other day.



Four people bid on me.

Stay away from the Antiques Roadshow.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

If a drummer comes out of retirement will there be repercussions?

 

[balrog]

I want somebody to open a new restaurant and name it “I Don’t Care”, so I can finally go to the place my wife is always talking about.

 

[balrog]

Me: Wow, this escape room is really Really difficult!

Bartender: Sir, this is a brewery.

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

What’s the most depressing thing for a lover to get on Christmas morning?

A sweater, instead of a screamer or a moaner.

Reminds me of a Ron White joke... This might be a slight paraphrasing of course...

It was a little awkward the first time that she and I had had sex.
Because you know, have you heard about how some people are screamers?

Well, apparently, she'd never been with one.

 

[Sailingeric]

 

[homebeerbrewer]

What is the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the bad guys. Aluminum Man just foils the bad guys plans.

 

[Closet Fermenter]

I want somebody to open a new restaurant and name it “I Don’t Care”, so I can finally go to the place my wife is always talking about.

When I was in college, there was a bar in town called “He’s Not Here”. Wouldn’t you just love to answer the telephone there!

 

[Lampy]

What is the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the bad guys. Aluminum Man just foils the bad guys plans.

Aluminum Man just foils the bad guys pans.

 

[balrog]

When I was in college, there was a bar in town called “He’s Not Here”. Wouldn’t you just love to answer the telephone there!

There was a "He's Not Here" bar in Chapel Hill NC when I was in grad school there.

 

[Closet Fermenter]

There was a "He's Not Here" bar in Chapel Hill NC when I was in grad school there.

Yep! They had another location over in Raleigh where I was in school. Had to be the same owner.

 

[ncbrewer]

There was one named The Library in Greeley, CO.

 

[ba-brewer]

When I'm out in public and somebody phone rings close to me, I will say "If it's for me I'm not here".

Normally get funny looks from the younger people but an occasional smile from some of the older one.

edit: added a for

 

[balrog]

When I'm out in public and somebody phone rings close to me, I will say "If it's for me I'm not here".

Normally get funny looks from the younger people but an occasional smile from some of the older one.

edit: added a for

When someone is having a rude speakerphone phone conversation in public, I always want to walk up w a big smile lean in and yell “TELL ‘EM I SAY HI!” But I’ve never had the nerve.

 

[balrog]

 

[FloppyKnockers]

How do you say brassiere or bra in German?

Stoppen-frum-floppen!

 

[BongoYodeler]

Australia’s biggest EXPORT are boomerangs. Incidentally, it is their biggest IMPORT too.

 

[balrog]

Australia’s biggest EXPORT are boomerangs. Incidentally, it is their biggest IMPORT too.

That’s interesting because I heard about an Australian cooking show where the chef made a meringue and the audience cheered wildly........which was unusual because Australians usually boo meringue.

 

[balrog]

I wore a red shirt to go shopping the other day at Target.
Long story short, I'm covering for Susan this Friday shift.