Stupid Joke Thread!

[DBerg]

No one wears a watch anymore

 

[day_trippr]

 

[homebeerbrewer]

 

[Jonakr]

“Is it for a clock?”

“Is it 4 o’clock?”

Sounds the same.

Thanks! I didn't catch that at all.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I don’t get why Marvel doesn’t use the Hulk to advertise more. He’s basically one big Banner

 

[balrog]

I don’t get why Marvel doesn’t use the Hulk to advertise more. He’s basically one big Banner

 

[agentbud]

One minute you're young and fun. The next, you're turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

 

[balrog]

I think people stop liking math in school when they feel it's no longer applicable to everyday life. Addition and subtraction? Fine. Used all the time. Like say there's 13 of you & your friends and you have a 12 pack of beer. That means that 12 of you


need to leave.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

What did the mother turkey say to her naughty son?





If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?





Drumsticks for everyone on thanksgiving.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

Where do you find a turkey with no legs?




Exactly where you left it

 

[day_trippr]

^He'll be here all week, folks. Tip your waiters!"

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I’ve been told to stop telling thanksgiving jokes, but I can’t just quit cold turkey.

 

[balrog]

Well, I guess I'm never going caroling at the psych hospital ever again.

In hindsight, I suppose it was a poor choice to sing "Do You Hear What I Hear?"

 

[balrog]

Can vegans eat pudding?

Nope. You can’t have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat.

 

[Agent]

I keep getting unflavored Cheetos in the mail. Looking for suggestions on what flavor powders to use on them.

 

[Broken Crow]

View attachment 862915
I keep getting unflavored Cheetos in the mail. Looking for suggestions on what flavor powders to use on them.

I learned this one years ago; If you're eating alone, use a bit of garlic powder. If someone might see you; A good sprinkle of paprika so it looks more like real food.
I was taught this by professional anorexics.

 

[day_trippr]

You should plant them instead...

 

[Lampy]

I keep getting unflavored Cheetos in the mail. Looking for suggestions on what flavor powders to use on them.

I wasn't the first person to think that these could be fermented...
https://www.homebrewtalk.com/threads/corn-starch-packing-peanut-beer.189384/

 

[Bramling Cross]

Here's one for the British sports car crowd.

Lucas is a four letter word.

Five letters you say? No, it's clearly a four letter word. It's just poorly designed and woefully executed.

 

[balrog]

 

[Broothru]

Here's one for the British sports car crowd.

Lucas is a four letter word.

Five letters you say? No, it's clearly a four letter word. It's just poorly designed and woefully executed.

Lucas, Prince of Darkness.

 

[ncbrewer]

View attachment 862973

He's no Bing Crosby

 

[balrog]

Lesson#10: Ask people questions that give them the opportunity to talk about themselves.

Example: "What the bloody hell is wrong with you?!"


Follow me for more tips on becoming a better conversationalist.

 

[Rish]

You: There's a law that says when driving you have to turn your lights on if it's raining in Sweden.

Me: I live in Alabama, how in the hell am I supposed to know if it's raining in Sweden?

 

[balrog]

When a woman changes her clothes in front of me she's either really interested in me, or I'm a level 99 friendzone.

Or she hasn't spotted me in the tree yet.

 

[B-Rad13]

How do you say brassiere or bra in German?

Stoppen-frum-floppen!


[ame]

Such a dad

 

[balrog]

Man asked his wife what she would do if he won the lottery.
She replied that she'd take half and leave him.

He told her that he'd won.
Six dollars.
He gave her $3 and told her to stay in touch.

 

[balrog]

Just found another good one:

Rectal Grease just went and complained to HR.

Now we can't use nicknames anymore.

 

[balrog]

What's the difference between a camera and a sock?

A camera takes photos.

A sock takes five toes.

 

[agentbud]

Dad: I'll have the rabbit stew.

Waiter: I'll only bring you that if you promise not to say "There's a hare in my soup".

Dad: ...

Waiter: ...

Dad: I'll have the chicken.

 

[balrog]

What's blue and not very heavy?
Light blue.

Germany is advising citizens to buy sausage and cheese.
It's a WURST KÄSE situation.

 

[agentbud]

You know what has never been recalled for e-coli?

Beer.

Suck it, lettuce!

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, "I want to sue the airline."

"You don't have much of a case," he replied.

 

[balrog]

Schrodinger's Dishes:

Schrodinger: "You can know the dishes location exactly but not time"

Schrodinger's Wife: "Break my dishes and you sleep on the sofa, buddy"

Confused Bystander: "Why are you mixing Physic's metaphors by using the name Schrodinger with Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle?"

 

[Broken Crow]

I'm still confused as to wether the dishes are broken or intact? This is 2024, don't we have Heisenberg Compensators yet?

 

[Broothru]

I'm still confused as to wether the dishes are broken or intact? This is 2024, don't we have Heisenberg Compensators yet?
View attachment 863777

Proof that unintelligent life still exists in Star Trek millennium generations yet to come. Apple adherents are still falling for the click bait come on ad on “how to block pop-up ads on your IPhone forever” without realizing they’re guaranteed to have their message app and email accounts ’forever filled’ with spam.
(sigh).

 

[Sailingeric]

I used to struggle with Roman numerals but when I get to 159 it just CLIX

 

[agentbud]

If you had to choose between drinking beer and staying fit, would you choose an ale or lager?

 

[balrog]

This speaks to me on so many levels.