Stupid Joke Thread!

[BeerAndTele]

Someone broke into my house again last night.
This time they stole 20% of my couch.
Ouch.

 

[stamandster]

What happens when all four tires go flat at once? You have a wheel big problem
Why was the marble statue so upset? Everyone was taking it for granite
Why do squirrels swim on their backs? To protect their nuts

 

[bruce_the_loon]

Someone broke into my house again last night.
This time they stole 20% of my couch.
Ouch.

Cyril, is that you?

 

[Agent]

I went to a zoo this weekend that only had one dog.

It was definitely a Shih Tzu.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I’m writing a new book. It’s about my basement. I really hope it hits the Best Cellar list.

 

[balrog]

 

[agentbud]

I was drinking a beer at the local bar when the bartender yelled out, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled back, "I know the whole alphabet." We all had a good laugh... well, except for this one guy.

 

[balrog]

The past tense of William Shakespeare would be Wouldiwas Shookspeared.

 

[balrog]

 

[lumpher]

 

[Rish]

My schnoz was in the Guinness Book of World Records but the librarian told me to take it out.

 

[balrog]

"Coordinated attacks"

Too funny.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?

Mmmm, HDMI.

 

[balrog]

I started carrying around a stone, so I can throw it at anyone who tries to play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.


It’s my jingle bell rock.

 

[agentbud]

A farmer buys a new rooster when his old one can't perform anymore.
As soon as he gets it home, the new rooster has his way with all the hens.
The farmer is pretty impressed.
After lunch the rooster has his way with all the hens again.
The next day, the new rooster has his way with all the ducks and geese.
Later that day, the farmer finds the rooster lying on the ground with vultures circling overhead.
The farmer shakes his head and says, "You deserve it after what you've done."
The rooster opens one eye and says, "Shhhh, they're about to land."

 

[homebeerbrewer]

Fishing licenses are dumb. Who drives a fish?

 

[ehall]

 

[jschein]

View attachment 861671

Sam Calagione?

 

[balrog]

I hear they are going to market a fragrance for introverts.

It's called Leavemethefuh
Cologne.

 

[balrog]

Name one reason why you don't like making plans for the day.


Because then the word premeditated gets thrown around in the courtroom.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

How do you stop a bull from charging?

Take away his credit cards.

 

[balrog]

 

[day_trippr]

To all the people that always said I'd never amount to anything because of my procrastination: Just you wait!

 

[balrog]

Once I got addicted to Tetris.

Once I got it under control, everything fell into place.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

 

[BeerAndTele]

Yesterday I went to McDonalds and ate a kid’s Happy Meal.
His mom was really p*ssed.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

What do you call a moose with no name?

Anonymous.

 

[agentbud]

I got so drunk last night. I walked across the dance floor on the way to the bar for another drink and won the dance contest.

 

[balrog]

 

[balrog]

What do you call it when one banana eats another banana?

Canabananabalism.

 

[Broothru]

What do you call it when one banana eats another banana?

Canabananabalism.

Try sayin’ that three times quickly.

(“That, that, that…”)

 

[homebeerbrewer]

 

[homebeerbrewer]

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Philippe Flop.

 

[balrog]

 

[Jonakr]

View attachment 862382

Yeah, I don't understand this at all. Can anyone tell me why this is funny and makes sense?

 

[balrog]

Yeah, I don't understand this at all. Can anyone tell me why this is funny and makes sense?

“Is it for a clock?”

“Is it 4 o’clock?”

Sounds the same.

 

[Sailingeric]

Yeah, I don't understand this at all. Can anyone tell me why this is funny and makes sense?

I was in the same boat

 

[BongoYodeler]

I was in the same boat

Same.