Stupid Joke Thread!

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BongoYodeler

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I saw a microbiologist today. He was much bigger than I expected.

Bill: What should we name this new outdoor sign?
Phil: How about "philboard"?
Bill: I've got a better idea.

Grandpa was responsible for 42 downed German planes during the war. To this day, he still holds the record as worst mechanic in the Luftwaffe.

If you suck while playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
 

bracconiere

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Mine usually goes like this:

Brain: Beer.
Me: Ok.
Brain: Drink it.
Me: But I've had enough.
Brain: I know, but drink it.
Me: Ok.

mine usually just counts the beers the next day and says...DAMN IT! i can't afford to pay vitamin E, or depending on wither i'm drinking cider or beer the folate or thiamin bills! tell myself god damn it!
 

Mr. Vern

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What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator!
1651257619682.png
 

Mr. Vern

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I tried to resist... but this looked fun

Brain: hey there is 10 minutes left in the boil
Me: OK
Brain: Lets add something fun
Me: No! we did that last time.
Brain: But you have extra hops, lactose, coca, nibs, vanilla, coriander, fruit....
Me: ....
Brain: ....
Me: I'm pretty sure a kolsch could use some knock-out hops and lemon peel
 

balrog

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Brain: Heat's on for boil, it always takes 12-17 minutes to boil. That means you only have <= 12 minutes until boil.
Brain: And then it will boil
Brain: And boil over it you're not there
Brain: Like it has done before
Me:
I have time to measure hops now. Down in the basement. At the other end of the house. And find a fermenter to use. Oh, and removed the existing batch from the ferm chamber. Oh yeah, and start up the new batch logging on BrewPiRemix

Brain: Why do I even try?

Me: I don't remember why, but I'll bring up some extra towels from the basement with the hops....
 

Sailingeric

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Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo
 

balrog

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Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo
Oh the buildup was intense.
 

bracconiere

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I bought a chicken to make sandwiches.



It doesn't make sandwiches. It just craps all over the kitchen floor.

a lot of people make that spelling mistake when buying, 'chic' "elegant and wealthy" not chick.... i think anyway, and it sounds like you got a shabby chicken instead?
 

davidabcd

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wasn't helen keller born before the 60's?
I'd have to look. I get her and Anne Frank mixed up.
Keller was a fascinating person though--blind and deaf--and learned to communicate. Didn't stop me from poking fun though, did it?
Edit: I'm pretty sure the jokes started posthumously.
 

davidabcd

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i don't have a sense of taste though
maybe you've had COVID for a really, really, really, really long time and had it even before it was common. Maybe you're patient zero????
They've been looking still, trying to figure it out.
Are you friends with some monkeys with questionable behavior?

I'm just joking around.
As far as beer, my relatives initiate requests that I bring it to gatherings. That still doesn't technically mean it's good, just that it's free and has a decent ABV.
 
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