Stupid Joke Thread!

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Drewch

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Two atoms ran into reach other walking around a corner. The first atom helps the second back to his feet, apologizing and asking, "Are you ok?"

The second atom replies, "I think so, but I've lost an electron!"

Says the first atom, "Are you sure?"

To which the second answers, "I'm positive!"

Badumbum.
 
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Potential client to lawyer: "What is your least expensive fee for service?"
Lawyer: "Three questions for $50."
Client: "Wow! 3 questions for $50. Isn't that kind of steep?"
Lawyer: "Yes. What is your final question?"
 

Abrayton

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My annual classroom psychology unit joke:

According to biological psychologists, what do personality and diarrhea have in common?

They both run in your genes!

I always expect way more laughs than I get.😐
 

3 Dawg Night

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This post over on the "What I Did for Beer Today" thread reminded me of a joke:

An Englishman, a Scot, and an Irishman walk into a bar, and each orders a pint. The bartender sets the three pints on the bar, and by some weird coincidence, three flies land, one in each drink.

The Englishman pushes his glass away and orders another pint.

The Scot fishes the fly out, shakes off his wet fingers, and takes a drink.

The Irishman fishes the fly out, begins shaking it over the glass, and shouts: "SPIT IT OUT YOU BLOODY &@$^@&#!"
 

balrog

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This post over on the "What I Did for Beer Today" thread reminded me of a joke:

An Englishman, a Scot, and an Irishman walk into a bar, and each orders a pint. The bartender sets the three pints on the bar, and by some weird coincidence, three flies land, one in each drink.

The Englishman pushes his glass away and orders another pint.

The Scot fishes the fly out, shakes off his wet fingers, and takes a drink.

The Irishman fishes the fly out, begins shaking it over the glass, and shouts: "SPIT IT OUT YOU BLOODY &@$^@&#!"
my Scotch ancestral brother in law tells it switching the Irish w the stereotypically cheap Scotsman saying “spit it ooot ya wee bastard!”
 

McMullan

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3 Dawg Night, it's the 'Stupid Joke Thread!'. I have the upmost respect for all stringed instruments, including the banjo 😉 Nor will I be cutting a leg off a donkey 😂
 

Sailingeric

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The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walk along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
 

ba-brewer

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What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?


People don't cry when you cut up a banjo 🤔
3 Dawg Night, it's the 'Stupid Joke Thread!'. I have the upmost respect for all stringed instruments, including the banjo 😉 Nor will I be cutting a leg off a donkey 😂

I heard that joke in the video you posted. I think the guy told the punchline wrong, might make more sense if he had said "People don't cry when someone is cuttin' up on a banjo".

edit: cuttin' up as fooling around or having fun
 
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