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Stealth Brew!

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What should I brew?

  • Irish Red

  • Ordinary Bitter

  • Mild

  • ESB

  • Something completely different

  • You are a despicable, horrible person for even thinking about this.


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MrNate

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Ok, here's the deal. My wife and I contracted to allow me one brew day per month. But this weekend, she's going to a spa with her girlfriends while I stay home with the kinds. Now I'm thinking, hmm... I could brew after she leaves on Saturday. If I tell her this is my plan, she will count this as my brew day for November. But if I don't... :D

Now I know some of you have good relationships with your spouses, and good for you. I admire and applaud your integrity. May you all have long, happy, mutually honest marriages.

Anyway, the question is what should I brew? It needs to be something relatively simple, no big beers, specialty mashes, decoctions, etc. I have the kids, so it has to be a lightweight session. Here are some thoughts:

1. Irish Red. I have to brew this for St. Pat's anyway, might as well get a head start.

2. Ordinary Bitter. Thinking maybe my Maris Otter/Fuggle SMaSH.

3. Mild. Never brewed one, never tasted one. Could be nice, but is it too similar to the upcoming Irish Red to stock in the pipeline? Hmm.

4. ESB. To get me throught the cold months.

I have a 5-grain brown ale and a rye pale ale on tap, porter on deck, and a light lager in primary. Thoughts?
 

Fingers

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I like the ESB. If she finds out you're deceiving her, you're going to need the 'extra special' part to get you through it.

So the obvious question is, 'How often does she go to the spa?' You said this weekend. That's not TWO days, is it? She won't be going again for another month, right? :D
 

Orangevango

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I would do it out of spite, why does she care... Its none of her bussiness... do you put limits on how often she does her hobbies?

This is void if she is the primary earner and is supporting you.
 
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MrNate

MrNate

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This weekend, as in leaving Saturday morning coming back Sunday afternoon. If she finds out, I'll just say, "Oh, I decided to brew" and that'll be my day. No biggie.

But yeah, it's a bit of a lopsided arrangement we have. Nobody's leavin' nobody though, so...
 

rasherb

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Just tell her what you are going to do. It's only fair if she's out at the spa, that you get to do something you enjoy with the kiddies. Especially if your kids are 'little helpers.' If they're not involved in the fun at all, I think it would be bad form to ignore them while you play garage hermit.

Oh. I vote Irish Red.
 
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MrNate

MrNate

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ESB seems to be the frontrunner. Can't say I'm disappointed.

I'm negotiating for more overall brewdays with a denser pack in the cold months, but that's a discussion for another day.
 

TXCrash

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In the words of a friend - first said to a school security guard..

"Grab your balls, feel em, remind yourself that you ARE A MAN!" (if you reach down and don't feel anything - grow some!)

Seriously, unless she's the one bringing home the dough... I have a crappy relationship but I can brew more than once a damn month...
 
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MrNate

MrNate

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I tried growing some stones once. ONCE.

Seriously, she puts up with a lot of my crap, so I usually don't feel too emasculated by this arrangement. Cowardice, schmowardice. It's an extra brew day with no time invested in a fight.
 

uglygoat

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mrnate, how trustworthy are the kids? point being they'll rat you out in a heartbeat, so if you brew be ready with your plan b, this was the monthly brew session.

other option is to do an evening brew after the kids are in bed, then they won't know and can't really rat you out...
 
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MrNate

MrNate

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I give the older one a 50/50. The little one can't talk yet. I thought about the evening brew, but nah... Not worth staying up that late when I have to wake up with the girls.
 

-TH-

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I would be up front and ask her "Hey is it all right if I brew an extra batch this weekend while you're at the spa?" I think she'll appreciate the honesty, not to mention you've got a little guilt factor working for you. I highly doubt she'll say no (as if I know her or something).

If you hide it from her and she finds out later, your homebrewing will have such a negative stigma attached to it that you'll be royally screwed. IMHO.
 

MX1

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Ok, here's the deal. My wife and I contracted to allow me one brew day per month. But this weekend, she's going to a spa with her girlfriends while I stay home with the kinds. Now I'm thinking, hmm... I could brew after she leaves on Saturday. If I tell her this is my plan, she will count this as my brew day for November. But if I don't...
This is where I was thrown off the scent....

And does he swallow damn-it...

Tim
 
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MrNate

MrNate

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Point made.

Thanks for the votes everyone, I'm going to leave the poll open and back away from the thread now before I turn into an argumentative a-hole again.

Hope everyone enjoys the new year and any upcoming brew days you might have!
 
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I don't think brewing once a month is a big deal. I'd love to brew every month! Our weekends are always packed. What you need to do is step up to 10 gallon batches! That way you still only brew once a month, but get twice as much beer.
I would just brew it and hope the daughter doesn't rat you out. if she does, say it was your day. Then try again that month and say you forgot you'd brewed already since it was spurt of the moment and not planned out like usual.

And i vote SMaSH
 

Alewyfe

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Does she like beer? If so, make something for her taste once in awhile. Whether or not she does, you are at home (not in a bar) you are saving pots of money (excluding the equipment that keeps luring you - then when she points to that stainless or copper thingie and asks, "what's that", just give her the..."Oh that old thing, I've had it for years, just haven't worn,er, used it in a while" like she would do with new clothes.
Cook a diner to demonstrate food and beer pairings - you're into an ecclectic gourmet craft here - this is not your grandads can of Blue Ribbon malt in a bathtub.
And be sure to clean up after yourself, especially if you brew in the house.
Good luck, I hope she grows to appreciate the beers you make.

I vote the bitter or the ESB.
 

BrewDey

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My SWMBO would totally smell the mash-even afterwards. She's pretty cool, and doesn't put too many limits on me...she's so utilitarian that she'd be just as mad if I had all that junk in the basement but wasn't using it.

This weeks' exchange went like this:
Me: How about we do that insulation for the attic Sunday AM before football starts?
Her: Yes, that would be good
(next day)
Me: I was going to brew Saturday if that's alright
Her: So we're not going to do the insulation?
Me: No, that was Sunday...the games on Saturday start at 4:00, so I should be done brewing by then

Football, brewing, and home improvement-just need to put her on her toes with the opening salvo of chore volunteering.
 

wildwest450

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Sometimes it's better to beg forgiveness than ask permission.
A-freakin-men. I brew when I want and what I want. Of course wifey loves all kinds of beer. She does what she wants, I do what I want. Throw some hot monkey sex in the middle, and it's the perfect marriage. Good luck on your sneak attack beer!
 
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A-freakin-men. I brew when I want and what I want. Of course wifey loves all kinds of beer. She does what she wants, I do what I want. Throw some hot monkey sex in the middle, and it's the perfect marriage. Good luck on your sneak attack beer!
I'm assuming you don't have children. Not a bad thing or anything, just not the way it goes when little ones are involved.
 

mev

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Good luck with the stealth brew. Make something she likes, if you get caught, you can say at least you made her favorite. Saturday's shaping up to be a beautiful day so you can do it outside and eliminate the smell. If she doesn't pay attention to your hobby, she probably won't know you brewed a batch, unless you don't have any carboys going and she realizes one appeared.

Maybe brew two batches? Saturday and Sunday? That would take care of the smell issue.

Now for New Years, you have a potential resolution...


EDIT: I meant brew two batches, don't tell her about Saturdays' brew. Of course, that would still mean you don't get to brew for another month but at least you got two batches in.
 

Bobby_M

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I won't be smug and say grow a pair because I do feel bad about spending 6 hours in the garage on a whim while SWMBO runs around with the kids. I try to brew when she has a planned visit to the inlaws who live an hour away. That can typically be any one of four days a month though and even the occassional weekday where I'll burn a vacation day.
 

chemist308

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I voted something completely different. Brew her a wine cooler. Then maybe she'll get into this with you, or at least loosen the reigns slightly if she's getting something out of it...

Maybe renegotiate the contract--how about brewing two days a month with better time management and I'll do home chore X...
 

wildwest450

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I'm assuming you don't have children. Not a bad thing or anything, just not the way it goes when little ones are involved.
No kids and no apologies for it either. I'm a selfish bastard that isn't done being a kid yet. And to top it off swmbo doesn't have a maternal clock! She loves kids and her nieces, but the thought of having her own makes her ill.:D
 

jamesrm

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I would take some brew to a counselor, I know your "happy", but being limited like this, man, your on one hell of a leash. What if its on how much you can drink, or you can spend money? I just think its a bad road to be going down, but, its your life!

I'd brew a mild to try it out, as I want to brew one myself
 
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A contract for brewing? On top of the one you entered for marriage? Jeepers, man.

I would love to be able to brew once a month, but work often prevents it. I don't like to brew when my wife and kids are around because I don't like to take time from them. However, my wife is often on me to get brewing when they're around.

I think you're getting screwed on this deal.

That said, I go ESB. Nice, all-purpose brew.:D

EDIT: What the hell does she care what you're doing when she's away? So long as you're taking care of the kids, too, she shouldn't really give a crap. Or maybe I've just got a cool wife.
 

Coastarine

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I'll chime in here with all of my 5 months of marriage experience...

I don't believe in the general "grow a pair and brew whenever you want" solution. It's important to come to an understanding when it comes to personal hobbies, particularly when they are time and money consuming. Obviously it's not fair to use every free afternoon to brew and leave a wife with a house full of kids and housework. Even if you came up with a brew schedule entirely on your own that you felt was fair for her, that still might not keep a spouse supportive of the brewing hobby. That's why I say it is important to come to an understanding, with both parties' inputs. If you both agree that once a month seems to be reasonable, that's fine, but it should be a decision that both people make. If we were talking about a girlfriend it would be different. Also, exceptions shouldn't be out of the question IMO. My wife encourages brewing. It helps that I plan my brewdays for when she's gone if possible, but if not I let her know when I'll be doing it ahead of time so she can make plans, get a book, or whatever.
 

TeufelBrew

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Nate, Brother, DUDE!

If you don't like the once a month, come up with the reasoning to show her what you want and how it will work for everyone involved. With the young'ens around, it may only be feasible to brew once a month. But you need to both figure out what works and makes the most sense for your family.

You got a pair, you have two kids. Use the noodle and make a happy family.

Oh, and if she likes beer, brew what she likes. If not, brew what makes your taste buds jumpy and your heart sing.
 
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MrNate

MrNate

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Hey, anyone else wanna chime in here before I call ESB the winner?

Thanks!
 
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