originalben
Well-Known Member
As it seems the latest, to me, thing is to make one's CL listings funny and/or oddly tangentially disconnected to the item- and as that type of BS is my long lost love- here's my latest listing-
http://norfolk.craigslist.org/for/3978417923.html
You may want so sit down before proceeding to read this listing. If you are under 21, make sure your parents aren't around. If you are of age, make sure your heart is strong and your mind is clear, because, damn, these keggles are about to blow your mind- and I truly don't want to damage your heart.
If you're reading this, you probably know what a keggle is.There's an even greater probability you've never seen the likes of these keggles and observing such awesomeness and uniqueness of form can scare some people. If you've ever passed out while gazing at a sunset or listened to Michael Buble, kindly close up your browser now, you've not the intestinal fortitude nor the brewing potential to appreciate that which follows.
A normal, everyday keggle is, granted, a useful thing. These keggles are as much beyond normal as Pliny the Elder is beyond the realm of Bud Lite Limoncello Margarita Fudgesicle, inasmuch as the second exists only on a level of perceived Hell so below our human range of cognition that...damn, Bud Lite bad, man, you know what I'm sayin'.
The keggles are the embodiement of the possibility of the extended YOLO mindset, if that wasn't so trite and shopworn a way of saying Carpe Diem as could be uttered. The fact is, with these keggles, you DO NOT ONLY LIVE ONCE. You will live every day as a brewing hero, possibly reincarnated as an even greater hero, maybe with better hair or a car that runs.
The pictures above were taken during one of the brief periods that the keggles remained motionless on our plane of reality. They are usually to be found wandering the various and sundry realms of Cthulhu, chillin' and brewin' with Azathoth and Shoggoth alike, or sunning and struttin' in Majorca. They allowed themselves to be captured photographically, in a playful, non hostile mood, on just this one instance.
They are, in a word, glorious. Shiny and smooth, snarky and wise, two were previously orphans found in the wild in Williamsburg, Virginia, they probably abandoned their birth parents once they acquired sentience and saw the horrible markings their family had placed on them. The third, the one called Miller, is an enigma.
Wrapped in blingy stainless steel conceit. Miller ate Honey Badger...and he doesn't care.
The beer that can be made from this particular trio of luscious stainless mutant hybrid former cosmic kegs is of the type that changes human perspectives and political outlooks forever...and for the better. Was there a hole for the usual ball valve in each at one time? It is believed so, although there is no evidence of one having ever been there on any of the three. Did the each determine they wanted to remain whole? You decide.
As can be seen in the first picture, the trio can often be found attempting Cirque du Soleil type acrobatics, playful and daring.Often, as was the case in the second picture, the can appear stoic and reserved, seemingly contemplating the meaning of stainless steel life or more likely pondering the inner workings and motivations of Saccharomyces cerevisiae.
There is very little to be said concerning the orifices displayed in photo three. They are smooth and inviting, somewhat otherworldly in a fermentational sense.
The lovely, if lupine, blonde boy in the fourth picture is our trusted keggle watchman Keegan- as always, awaiting the return of his cosmic keggle masters. We are considering officially adopting him as our son. In the penultimate photo, Miller is cheekily showing us his backside after telling a very off color joke. As with most keggle royalty, he has limited knowledge of boundaries.
The small child in the last photo wandered into the keggle's immediate area of control and, after being subdued, was sent into the fermentation chamber for all time. It is said his plaintive whimpering and maniacal laughter can be heard to this day, although most feel that's merely the wind in the birch tree behind the house.
The amazing history of these remarkable keggles aside, damn, you really gotta have 'em.
They will make your beer scream from it's own splendor and downright crazy goodness.
If you feel you have what it takes, make their day and take 'em home. Your life will never be the same.
http://norfolk.craigslist.org/for/3978417923.html
You may want so sit down before proceeding to read this listing. If you are under 21, make sure your parents aren't around. If you are of age, make sure your heart is strong and your mind is clear, because, damn, these keggles are about to blow your mind- and I truly don't want to damage your heart.
If you're reading this, you probably know what a keggle is.There's an even greater probability you've never seen the likes of these keggles and observing such awesomeness and uniqueness of form can scare some people. If you've ever passed out while gazing at a sunset or listened to Michael Buble, kindly close up your browser now, you've not the intestinal fortitude nor the brewing potential to appreciate that which follows.
A normal, everyday keggle is, granted, a useful thing. These keggles are as much beyond normal as Pliny the Elder is beyond the realm of Bud Lite Limoncello Margarita Fudgesicle, inasmuch as the second exists only on a level of perceived Hell so below our human range of cognition that...damn, Bud Lite bad, man, you know what I'm sayin'.
The keggles are the embodiement of the possibility of the extended YOLO mindset, if that wasn't so trite and shopworn a way of saying Carpe Diem as could be uttered. The fact is, with these keggles, you DO NOT ONLY LIVE ONCE. You will live every day as a brewing hero, possibly reincarnated as an even greater hero, maybe with better hair or a car that runs.
The pictures above were taken during one of the brief periods that the keggles remained motionless on our plane of reality. They are usually to be found wandering the various and sundry realms of Cthulhu, chillin' and brewin' with Azathoth and Shoggoth alike, or sunning and struttin' in Majorca. They allowed themselves to be captured photographically, in a playful, non hostile mood, on just this one instance.
They are, in a word, glorious. Shiny and smooth, snarky and wise, two were previously orphans found in the wild in Williamsburg, Virginia, they probably abandoned their birth parents once they acquired sentience and saw the horrible markings their family had placed on them. The third, the one called Miller, is an enigma.
Wrapped in blingy stainless steel conceit. Miller ate Honey Badger...and he doesn't care.
The beer that can be made from this particular trio of luscious stainless mutant hybrid former cosmic kegs is of the type that changes human perspectives and political outlooks forever...and for the better. Was there a hole for the usual ball valve in each at one time? It is believed so, although there is no evidence of one having ever been there on any of the three. Did the each determine they wanted to remain whole? You decide.
As can be seen in the first picture, the trio can often be found attempting Cirque du Soleil type acrobatics, playful and daring.Often, as was the case in the second picture, the can appear stoic and reserved, seemingly contemplating the meaning of stainless steel life or more likely pondering the inner workings and motivations of Saccharomyces cerevisiae.
There is very little to be said concerning the orifices displayed in photo three. They are smooth and inviting, somewhat otherworldly in a fermentational sense.
The lovely, if lupine, blonde boy in the fourth picture is our trusted keggle watchman Keegan- as always, awaiting the return of his cosmic keggle masters. We are considering officially adopting him as our son. In the penultimate photo, Miller is cheekily showing us his backside after telling a very off color joke. As with most keggle royalty, he has limited knowledge of boundaries.
The small child in the last photo wandered into the keggle's immediate area of control and, after being subdued, was sent into the fermentation chamber for all time. It is said his plaintive whimpering and maniacal laughter can be heard to this day, although most feel that's merely the wind in the birch tree behind the house.
The amazing history of these remarkable keggles aside, damn, you really gotta have 'em.
They will make your beer scream from it's own splendor and downright crazy goodness.
If you feel you have what it takes, make their day and take 'em home. Your life will never be the same.
