OK,I done it.

[Taterbug]

Hey all,I just bought my first Ale Pail kit(5 gallons), followed the instructions,but I just couldnt wait for it. I did the bottling thang,drank some of it before it was done,and while it was drinkable,it wasnt all that good as what you'd buy in the store.I bought a can and pack,or what ever its called. It was a can of malt and a pack of yeast,pretty much. I followed the instructions to the tee,and the beer came out with a "homebrew taste" It looked good,had good carbonation,even though it was not very consistant( some bottles were not as carbonated as others).I remember when I was a kid,my stepdad and his buddies would make something similar in a crock with raisins and potatoes in it,and cover it with a towel,but I dont think he realized what they were making,Just wanted a buzz in a week,but it did have a certain Homebrew taste to it,thats how my beer tasted(an American light). Could that "homebrew taste" be because I used Brewers sugar,rather than DME?Now I have a dunkelweizen ready to bottle,to which I added 1.25 lbs of Dme during the boil to try to up the alcohol a little,and didnt use any sugar at all.Ill have to use a little I know for carbonation reasons,but will it make the beer taste like "homebrew"? cidery maybe,but thats not how I would describe it. also,any old timers know why they added raisins and potatoes? thanks a bunch,Taterbug

 

[Nightbiker]

Less than optimal ingredients will make less than optimal beer. The good side is that this will give you something to compare against. A number of things probably contributed to your less than satisfactory results. Firstly you need a kit thats a bit more complex, not just a can of malt and a packet of yeast. I recommend a true-brew kit (my first came from monsterbrew.com but regardless of where you get it, get a kit that is not just a can of malt) -these kits have the malt can, some DME (dry malt extract) and generally some grains (milled) for steeping. You will have better results from this. If you can, you should really spring for a liquid yeast, but thats MY preference, and I believe they give a better result -but many will brew with the dried packets and have excellent results)
The carbonation should have been pretty consistent unless you didn't have a good enough seal on your bottle caps. Presuming that you didn't use carb tabs (I have no experience with those) -most just pour the priming sugar (after boiling it in some water to sanitize, and letting it cool to keep from killing yeast) into the bottling bucket and fill their bottles, then cap 'em. The conditioning is performed by the remaining yeast in suspension, and this should be pretty consistent across the bottles.
The only thing left that I can think of off the top of my head is fermentation temps -generally speaking, your ale kit can be fermented at room temp (though results are better if you ferment at the temp the yeast work best at) -that is, you should end up with a pretty good brew, not a 'homebrew taste'.
Now that I think about it, if you are fermenting in a glass carboy, cover it to avoid getting light-struck.
Give it another go. Good luck and welcome to the life of homebrewing!