New baby delivery- balancing privacy & hurt feelings

[broadbill]

I've got the opportunity to speak to my father-in-law last night. He was out of town on the road because he drives a truck. I laid out to him what our goals are knowing that he could keep it in confidence. He felt like our thoughts were very reasonable and should definitely be accommodated.

We also visited the hospital today for a breast-feeding class. We discuss the delivery and recovery protocol in-depth with the labor and delivery nurses that were there. It is fortunately the hospitals policy to only allow one person to be with the mother during delivery and recovery for a c-section. It is also their policy to keep mother, baby, and 1 support person together during this entire time, assuming there is not a medical need to do otherwise. If the initial support person (typically father) needs to leave for any reason, no replacement person is allowed to swap out. This should give us the needed time we are seeking. They also had signage in the labor and delivery unit to this effect and I was able to get a picture to forward along. We also received some literature from the hospital as part of the breast-feeding class that emphasizes that a lack of visitors who stay and hang out for extended periods of time is one of the most important aspects of establishing good feeding patterns. This is going to be the biggest challenge, as every other time my wife has been overnight in the hospital, she has always tried to find an excuse to stay overnight and "help". I am going to be firm that this is not an option.

Boy, do you remind me of myself going in this before my first kid: know the facts, know the process, control the situation. LOL...I how naive I was! That all goes out the door when the contractions start. You'll survive this, and I'll tell you right now it's not going play out anything like you think.

If I were to bet you won't care a lick what your MIL is doing after baby get there--you'll be spinning about 10 plates at once at this point. The baby, wife (now mom), the Drs/nurses, the baby (they are worth 3-4 plates right there), etc. etc. Did I mention you probably will have been awake and not eaten in a good 24 hours?

We also received some literature from the hospital as part of the breast-feeding class that emphasizes that a lack of visitors who stay and hang out for extended periods of time is one of the most important aspects of establishing good feeding patterns.

Again I lol'ed: Let me roll breast-feeding up for you in a nutshell: your baby having recently been severed from this nutritional supply is now slowing starving to death, and you now have to train it to breast-feed on-the-fly (bet the lactation nazis didn't inform you that babies don't inherently know how to feed, did they?). Oh yeah, and babies express their displeasure by crying and screaming which they will do rather do than clamp out on a nipple to feed. Did they tell you mom's milk doesn't really come in for 3-4 days (or maybe not at all?) Did I mention you probably haven't sleep for 24 hours and haven't eaten?

The pretty pamphlets of mom serenely feeding that newborn seems to leave out this part of the process.

Like us, you might even get to experience the pleasure of having the hospital staff tell you your baby isn't feeding well and if he/she loses 10% of their birth weight (10% of 8-9 lbs ain't much) they need to come back to the hospital for a feeding tube. Yeah, so stress is pretty much par of the course here-stress from an extended stay from visitors?....meh....

That being said, you'll all be fine....humans have been doing this for millions of years if we can get out of our own ways!

 

[hercher]

You hear a lot of horror stories about breast feeding. The hospital likely has some one to assist your wife with this. It is true that some women have a great deal of difficulty with it, while for others those serene pictures are accurate. I hope your wife gives it a legitimate shot. If it doesn't work out, so be it -- she shouldn't feel bad. But there really is no substitute for mother's milk.

Also, it is true that birth plans never really hold to form. However, since your wife is undergoing a scheduled Caesarian section, your baby's birth may be a bit calmer.

Maybe someday I'll tell the whirlwind story of my kids' births.

 

[Kwitty]

This is very important! Don't get it wrong! The day your child is born is your and your wife's day, but mainly your wife. My wife had a c-section for both our daughters. She will be good until the meds start to ware off. During this time she will need you. You can be a hinder or a hero. Be there in every way. She will love you for it and you won't regret it. You will eventually need some help from family members, but when the baby is born make it about your wife and you and your child. There are moments you won't want to share with anyone but your wife. They are yours! On this day it's OK to be selfish. People that love you will understand. People that don't can deal with it. You and your wife will know when the time is right to let them in. Don't let them bully their way in. Kick them out if need be! You don't want regrets. This will be the best day of your life!

 

[NoIguanaForZ]

Before you tell your MIL to GTFO, consider that someday that little bundle of joy is going to be a screaming 2-year old and that same MIL might just offer to babysit overnight so you and the wife can go out to dinner and have an exhausted shag at a hotel somewhere. You might just want to laugh off those comments about breast-feeding. Lose the battle, win the war!

I don't understand this argument. Supposing the central assumption was correct: Would you really want your child being watched by the kind of human being who'd refuse to help with their grandchild years later because they were still pouting over you prioritizing your needs and comfort over their wants at the time of said child's birth?

 

[Zuljin]

But we can all be there, right? At least skype us in on video.