*DISLAIMER!! I AM NOT NOT NOT SAYING THAT SINGLE MOTHERS, KIDS OR THOSE WITH SERIOUS PHYSICAL INJURIES ARE NOT PEOPLE*No. When I moved out at 18, my sister followed shortly after with her infant. Then about the time they moved out a friend of mine got his by a car and it scrambled him up real bad and they put him in a nursing home. I got him out and he lived with me for 4 years or so til he relearned how to cope with life and about that time my wife moved in. I might of lived alone for 6 months out of my life. Maybe I should I tried living alone more lol. That being said, I have always been a pretty reserved person.
It wasn't about drinking, it was about being controlled. If it had been about collecting guns, I would of been the same way about it. Why would you let someone arbitrarily tell you what to do without reason?
I don't get my feelings hurt. I posted it here because I wanted to bounce my thoughts off other people. I sincerely thank all of you for your input.
Now you're really sounding like me. I'm fiercely independent and don't like being told what to do either. I've caught myself getting really wound up and defensive when this sort of thing happens, whether or not I'm "right" about it.I just know it bothered me because it sounded like she was telling me what to do. That was the whole point in posting here about it, it just helps to work through it in my head and decide what I am going to do. I know I am not going to yell at her or fight with her, but if there is a problem it needs to be addressed one way or another. Ignoring it would just kick the can further down the road.
Maybe she wants a new purse, who knows. Ill find out in a couple hours.
Interesting perspective. I consider it a privilege to serve and honor my wife. When I said "I do", I committed to putting her needs above my own. Nothing more manly than that, IMO....women today want everything except equality. they gotta have 51% of the shares on everything. you gotta open the door for them, pay the tab and clean the house when you get home. Little by little men have given up what it meant to be the man in a relationship and now we have this new age woman who wants a man to kiss their ass while they tell us how to enjoy the things we've always done. ...
Maybe you're just interacting with the wrong women? My wife is nothing like that, but it's unreasonable to insist that everything is 100% equal at all times.A lot of guys on here are very smart and responsible, but I am a little old school in my approach, so i totally see where you're coming from. women today want everything except equality. they gotta have 51% of the shares on everything. you gotta open the door for them, pay the tab and clean the house when you get home. Little by little men have given up what it meant to be the man in a relationship and now we have this new age woman who wants a man to kiss their ass while they tell us how to enjoy the things we've always done.
So in your mind, what does it means to be a man in a relationship?I just ditched the bitch myself. Fortunately we were only engaged and not married. I still took a major financial hit ($10's of thousands), but she was on everything i did with the "you do (insert any damn thing i do) too much". turns out she dates other men too much...(i know most of you whipped dudes are going to say thats my fault) A lot of guys on here are very smart and responsible, but I am a little old school in my approach, so i totally see where you're coming from. women today want everything except equality. they gotta have 51% of the shares on everything. you gotta open the door for them, pay the tab and clean the house when you get home. Little by little men have given up what it meant to be the man in a relationship and now we have this new age woman who wants a man to kiss their ass while they tell us how to enjoy the things we've always done. The whole 'swmbo' thing here is funny, but it also shows where most of these guys are coming from. kissing their wifes ass so they can spend $30 of their own money on a farking carboy? are you serious?! my grandfather would be spinning in his grave if he saw the whole "swmbo" movement. I guess things are always changing. Sorry for the seriousness in my post, I suppose I interjected too much of my personal life in this one. :cross:
"Give them an inch they take a yard. Give them a yard they take a mile.
Once a man and twice a child, but everything is just for a while."
I hear what you're saying. A lot of guys are passive and do just enough to merit their wife's permission to go golfing or something. It's totally backwards."i love her so i will do whatever it takes to appease her" or are there times when its ok to say "NO! I have sacrificed enough in the last (insert time frame) and i refuse to budge on this issue".
it seems like men, in general, have stopped saying NO to women's ever-changing wishes and have begun giving up all the actual things that made men great in the first place.
its not so much what it means to be a man in the relationship, but what it means to be a person who's opinions are valued.
Because in the words of Tyler Durden: We're a generation of men raised by women.not pissed. just stating obvious facts here.
damn i'm ranting, sorry folks. again, i'm being a little too personal and a little insulting, just rolling with the conversation. sorry for the offense.
If she doesn't like it, you're not going to talk her into liking it. All your debate points are wasted here.
If you want to keep the peace, and stay together, consider a compromise. That's how relationships work. Maybe you stop drinking during the week or something. Or promise to limit it. Even a little comprimise is better than none.
Or, stand your ground, be a big guy, and watch your marriage crumble like the other 50%. Marriage vs. Beer: you decide.
I don't agree here at all. My experiences are the exact opposite. There are things you should certainly compromise on perhaps but she came into the situation knowing the things you enjoy. That said, you're not really suggesting he compromise the way I read that but rather concede. I can give you more than a few examples of people who conceded to appease and their marriages ended quickly as a result. As was stated in Ferris Bueller's Day Off decades ago, "You can't respect someone who kisses your ass all the time." I would, however, caution you against pointing out you may have done that partially because she was blowing chunks in the other room. While it might very well be true, you have no ground to gain there. And unless you're pounding back 6+ beers a day I can't imagine you have much in the way of health risks (especially considering the woman on the radio who just celebrated her 102nd birthday attributing it to whiskey every day).
is that directed at me? could you be a little more specific? or perhaps you think men should behave as muppets? oh, i get it. you're married, you have it all figured out from your moral high ground. people that aren't married aren't as capable of being dictated by someone else. small man syndrome, riiiight....permission from your wife. LOL..........
Is clear some people on this thread shouldnt be married. A marriage can either be the most valuable arrangement of your life or the most life sucking terror. Of all the people who bitch about how unfair things were, I ask how much blame did they accept and how much little man syndrome did they get over.
sorry to hit close to home for you and anyone.is that directed at me? could you be a little more specific? or perhaps you think men should behave as muppets? oh, i get it. you're married, you have it all figured out from your moral high ground. people that aren't married aren't as capable of being dictated by someone else. small man syndrome, riiiight....
you going to vote for hillary clinton in 2016? :fro:
Hahaha, THIS MAN FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!mikescooling said:O come on man, drinking is an easy target to get yelled at about. Some times people just need to bitch someone else out. She could have had a bad day at work or you could have said she looks fat in those shorts or you may have missed an anniversary and her feeling are hurt, so you got yelled at for drinking. Don't let her bate you into getting in a fight. If you drink as little as you say, you need to have me over to put things into perspective. On a good night I won't pee on the table.
Or maybe he kilned her. Watch that next brew from floppyguy, it's a b!%#! Wait, did I just say that! Damn, there goes my chance at hosting the Oscars.He hasn't replied in quite a few hours....anyone else think she might have just kilt him
(I know I misspelled killed to any grammar nazi about to chime in)
What's wrong with having a gun room?Please, read these words of yours aloud.
Was it harder to hear those things aloud than I was to type them?
You seem like a great guy. Please don't take me the wrong way, but it needs to be said. Every one of those is a sign pointing towards alcohol dependence.
For what its worth, I think you made an awesome choice marrying this woman. It sounds like she thinks the world of you, whether you think she shows it or not. It takes a huge amount of courage to stand up and say what she said, and I don't think she meant to hurt you.
I hope you can find the patience and resolve to sit down and calmly talk this out with her.
A compromise is when both parties give up a little coming to a mutually agreed upon midpoint. This is why it's a compromise.Passedpawn was suggesting a compromise, it wasn't a concession from what I saw. Just because she came into the marriage knowing he brewed and liked to have some drinks doesn't mean the situation can't have changed does it?
Here's a real world example for you. My wife and I have been together for almost 12 years. She knew I played computer and video games when we got together. About three years into the relationship I was playing WoW and doing so rather compulsively. I would raid or pvp 3-6hrs a night 5+ nights a week. She brought forth her concerns and I had to admit they were valid. I didn't immediately stop playing WoW, but did limit the amount that I played in a solid 3-6hr block to 1-2 nights a week. Eventually I lost interest in WoW and quit like she knew I would, but in the meantime we reached a compromise that worked for both of us.
Or, don't tell me what to do, don't change the channel on the TV, get me a fresh beer when I want one, and you get to stay married to me. COMPROMISE.Geez, i just read the first couple pages of this thread then wrote my note and then checked the last couple. Wow. Asking for marriage advice on a beer forum, is probably not the way to go judging from some of these responses.
Some folks think men need to sack up and show the woman who's boss. I like the quip about George Washington...maybe once, but not twice. If that's your thinking, then please don't get married. You can't handle the responsibility. Men are supposed to lead their families, but not with an iron fist and fear. Floppy, if you side with those guys, then I would say get to therapy ASAP. Please don't glean any advice from folks like this on how you should handle your woman. Get professional help or leave her before thinking like this.
My wife askes me to stop something, i find out why, we talk, and find a solution. I ask her to stop something, she askes why, we talk, and find a solution. COMPROMISE.