my mom died Christmas Eve

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cheezydemon3

cheezydemon3

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Thanks everyone! don't know why it really hit me last night. Guess I started to think that the holidays are approaching and wondered if I would be in a black hole of depression on Christmas eve. The holiday was already a little depressing as I realize that it will never be so magical as I once believed.

No one here hurt my feelings. Hell, I encouraged people to post whatever.

Thank you all!

And thanks for those who defended me from the insensetive posts, but I know BB well enough not to take any offense.:mug:
 

HawksBrewer

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I'm late to the party as usual, but I have confidence in you Cheezy. Just keep your head up and keep doing what you do. Time is the only thing that can heal losses like that, and you have that on your side. Although making it through that first holiday can be difficult, I'm sure an EPIC IPA brewed to perfection will help you through. Keep mashing my friend.
 

TyTanium

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We're with you cheezy. Vent as needed. Especially as the holidays approach.

In the meantime, I raise a pint with you.
 

Revvy

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My brother, who was 16 years older than me, and was everything from my Best friend to a mentor, to in some ways even a father figure, died on Christmas Eve 17 years ago. It's still hard.

I'm the first one to admit that I pretty much hate Christmas....which for a Christian Minister, is not "normal."

It's not a day I get through easily. I really don't get "into" the Christmas Spirit until I get past that day. Some years I break down on that day, but most of them now I try to be so busy that, although it's there, a looming presence, and something I acknowledge, just get past. In a lot of ways, even though it's painful, it's poignant too.

It's going to suck. There's no if and or buts about it.

And it's going to suck nearly every year, because as opposed to other people's death dates, which we don't tend to remember over time, you're going to get smacked in the face with it every year. In fact you're going to be smacked in the face with it from July on when the first "Christmas in July" sales begins, and again at the end of summer when those ****ers start decorating all the stores for Christmas. It's a good thing they no longer sell weapons at most big box stores or there's been times I've been tempted grab a shotgun from sporting goods and take out a few blowup snowmen and aluminum Christmas Trees, when it's not even Halloween yet.

But it sucks because we love. That's one of the curses of being human, we love, and we lose, and we hurt. But I think it's more important to have folks we love in our lives than to go through our lives like robots, unfeeling.

The suckage won't go away, but it will ease with time. It will be rough for the next few years, but it will suck less as the pain of the loss lessens.

The thing for this year is to find things to distract you. If you have kids and family, then you have joy at the holidays, that's a good distraction, especially if you have to put on a "happy face" for kids.

But if you don't have that, like I don't then find other things. Make a brew day with friends. Volunteer at a soup kitchen....Be Santa at a Christmas party....or get so bleeding stumbling drunk that you pass out through the whole thing.....I've done it all.....

Basically do what you need to do....Feel what you need to feel. If you need to be angry, do so. Any response any feeling you have, except for harming yourself or others is the right response....Don't let anyone tell you different.

If I can help in any way as the day gets closer, let me know. I've spent many a Christmas Eve drunk in front of the computer, on chat with folks, since I'm single again, I'll probably be doing it this year.

:mug:
 

fujieagle

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Losing a loved one is never easy. I had to put my young mother,(55 years old at the time) into a mental hospital on Christmas day back in 2006 for dementia. My dad was just ignoring the problem and hiding in his work and work shop. She never got better but did get out after a short stay. Sadly she passed the next October. Two years later my father died unexpectly. I am a firm believer that time does not heal such wounds. It only makes you numb to the pain. Take comfort in your family and friends. Live for what you want and try to move forward. Keep the memories alive. Both the good and bad. And never forget that we ALL are here for you.
 

LabRatBrewer

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I am sorry for your loss. I haven't had to deal with losing a parent yet. I can't imagine the grief. Its in no way the same. but I lost my dog on Christmas Eve last year, the last thing she did was bit me when I shook her to see if she was still alive. I hope you didn't get bit. (I hope that small joke is okay). I really am sorry for your loss.
 

Subsailor

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Condolences Cheezy, my mother passed 2 years ago to brain cancer, 73yr. I wasn't allowed to go see her due to my own health but I still have memories of when she was strong before the cancer ate her up.
My spirit is with you.
 

Bigcorona

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My condolences. I find this comforting.



Does not seem to work directly.
 
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Revvy

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Popped in to say I was thinking about you. I'm home all day.....PM me if you need something.

I'm actually doing ok today. Had a little bit of a freakout this morning in bed- had a flashback of getting the call Christmas Eve Morning at about 7:45 from my Sister In Law, that my brother was dying, and to get there as fast as I could. It was like I was reliving the moment...I had to pull myself out of it. Of course I haven't really left the couch all day.
 

BobbiLynn

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I lost someone I loved dearly this time of year too, you are allowed to grieve... do it however you want, it'll be okay. All my love... I, for one, will not judge you.
 
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jcam91

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My thoughts And prayers are with you today cheezy!
 

BobbiLynn

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I lost someone I loved dearly this time of year too, you are allowed to grieve... do it however you want, it'll be okay. All my love... I, for one, will not judge you.
Or if you accidentally take it that way, just tell me to "smurf" off. All my love...
 
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cheezydemon3

cheezydemon3

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Popped in to say I was thinking about you. I'm home all day.....PM me if you need something.

I'm actually doing ok today. Had a little bit of a freakout this morning in bed- had a flashback of getting the call Christmas Eve Morning at about 7:45 from my Sister In Law, that my brother was dying, and to get there as fast as I could. It was like I was reliving the moment...I had to pull myself out of it. Of course I haven't really left the couch all day.
Just PM'd you! Sorry, didn't see the post yet. I am OK. Had a moment where I almost lost it, which would have been OK, but I didn't

Or if you accidentally take it that way, just tell me to "smurf" off. All my love...
Nah, you are smurfing great. Thanks for the thoughts.
 

Dan

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I remembered this thread from a while back and was thinking about you today CD. Not suprised this thread resurfaced today.

I know life has kicked you in the nutsack these last few years. It will get better even if it doesn't feel that way right now.

You know you always have us to talk to. If your ever want to, PM me.

With great respect,

Dan
 

Revvy

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:mug:

Caring about your fellow humans is key to personal happiness.
So we just got a call at my Sister and Brother in Law's....His best friend for over 30 years, the last of a group of guys that used to go hunting (in reality drinking heavily and shooting beercans) once a year, past away today.

Holidays and death suck.....
 

Varmintman

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I cannot add any wisdom to what has been said here. I hope that knowing that others care will help ease your pain.

I have been to entirely to many funerals the last 3 years. For me I just hug my wife and kid and tell them I love them and hope mine is not anytime soon.

My heart goes out and I hope that things get better
 

opus345

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Cheezy,

I have not lost either of the parents yet, but I truly believe you keep lost loved ones alive by revisiting your best memories of them. I have lost close friends and I look back at the happy times and smile. Some people may call it crazy, but I still talk to a number of them on a regular basis. They just don't always respond verbally. :)
 

Lushife

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Yeah that sucks man. My mom's still alive but I lost my big brother almost 8 yrs ago and it really sucked. I don't know how old you or your mom are/was but it can still be hard if your mom was 90. Best of luck getting through and just venting about it can help a lot, it helped me through some big losses.
 

Airborneguy

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Hey bro, once again I'm sorry that today has to be a bad memory for you. Cheers to your mom. I'm actually drinking one of my favorite beers to toast her right now, but I won't say what it is. ;)
 

bottlebomber

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Airborneguy said:
Hey bro, once again I'm sorry that today has to be a bad memory for you. Cheers to your mom. I'm actually drinking one of my favorite beers to toast her right now, but I won't say what it is. ;)
Let me guess.. Bitches Brew?
 

45_70sharps

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This is the first I saw this thread.
Very sorry to hear about it.
Always remember the good and just keep her alive in your heart.
 

boscobeans

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You can go two ways with this,

1.Spend every Christmas Eve for the rest of your life feeling the loss of your Mom.
2.Celebrate her life and all the great memories and enjoy the Holidays..
Choose option #2.

I'm sure your mother would give you the same advice.:mug:

bosco
 
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cheezydemon3

cheezydemon3

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She was 63. Breast cancer not detected due to dense breast tissue. Stage 4 when discovered.

She was very artistic and opinionated.

I still see or hear things and immediately think "I'll tell mom about this".
 

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