Is it wrong of me to protest on the simple fact of not being invited?

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dismantle360

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So I have a coworker who wants me to brew some beer for his wedding.

However I am not invited to it.

Is it wrong of me to protest and not brew beer for him on the simple fact of not being invited?
 

the_bird

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That's a douche move. Before this, did you consider the guy a friend, or just a co-worker?

Think of it this way; if you didn't brew, and he didn't invite you to his wedding, would you feel obligated to buy him a present? **** no.
 
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dismantle360

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He’s a co-worker that is on the same engineer team as me. I thought we were building a friendship however I am seriously doubtful of that now.

You’re correct I wouldn’t buy him a gift in that situation.

I guess I just wanted the courtesy of an invite.
 

conpewter

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I think he is being very rude asking that of you. I'd tell him that you don't have time to do it and just drop it. I prefer not to have a lot of conflict in the workplace. If on the other hand you feel like it, I'd tell him that he's being a rude dickwad and needs to think about what he is asking.
 

yermej

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He's expecting the beer for free? Is he getting a free wedding cake/catering/DJ? Come up with a price that makes it worth your while. If he's willing to pay for it, it might be worth doing. If not, then you know he's just a douche.
 

AnOldUR

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The only excuse would be if it's a real small, family only wedding. In which case a couple of cases might be a nice way to build the relationship.
 
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dismantle360

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150+ invited.

He was talking a few kegs and he offered to pay for supplies.

******Supplies being speciffically grain, extract, hops, and yeast.

******He expected to use my kegs, and jockey box.
 

Natas

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A bit of a strange situation, I must say. Quite frankly, I don't jive with weddings, so I wouldn't care to go to a wedding anyway, but I do see the mixed message that this has caused.
I think I'd go with the "don't have time to brew extra beers" excuse and let it drop off from there.
 

david_42

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I'd say no beer. Since he's an engineer, point out the getting something for nothing violates the first law of thermodynamics.
 

zoebisch01

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I'd just say that I don't brew for other people. End of discussion. You can't legally do it for money.
I'd would say that's your out, but with more info now, he's offering ingredients. Hmm, well here's what I *might* do. Tell the guy, you buy me the ingredients PLUS tack on like 2 sacks of malt. However, if you are not confident in your brewing skills then don't do it, if something gets screwed up in the process then you are on the hook. If you are sure the brew will turn out fine, then you could go for it.

However, that all being said, he's either trying to cut corners or really appreciates your beer. That's the question I would have to answer if I were making this decision. In the former, then screw him. The latter, it may be an honor...however the non invite seems to me to be a little bit of a dick move.
 

srm775

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150+ invited.

He was talking a few kegs and he offered to pay for supplies.

******Supplies being speciffically grain, extract, hops, and yeast.

******He expected to use my kegs, and jockey box.
Are other workplace people invited? I think it's fairly common for alot of people not to invite anybody from the workplace otherwise they'll have to invited everyone.

However, the fact that he's essentially asking for a gift, but not giving you the courtesy of an invite is a fairly odd thing in itself.

I wouldn't do it. Or, I'd do it but dip my nuts in each of the kegs first. ;)
 
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dismantle360

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Nutty Ale I like it. Most of my co-workers are invited.
 

Bobby_M

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There really is no additional information that would make me change my opinion. That was a dick move, and I'd pour beer down the drain before I gave the guy any.
 

Evan!

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I'd just say that I don't brew for other people. End of discussion. You can't legally do it for money.
Yeah, even without money changing hands, that's honestly a real concern. Normally, if I'm having a party or going to a party, I don't have a problem taking a case or a keg or whatever. Now, I don't know where you live, but in Virginia, according to state statutes, it is against the law for me to give more than 72 ounce (a sixer) to any one person in any calendar year. Of course, they can't really enforce this most of the time, but if something happened at the wedding (drunk driving accident where someone was hurt or killed, perhaps?), it's a good possibility that the cops would come back on the people who provided the booze (which is f*cked up in its own rite, but that's another discussion), and if they find out that you brewed the beer that contributed to a bad injury or death...well...they'd be able to use that statute or whatever statutes your state has against you.

Just sayin. If it's a party where I wasn't present...I wouldn't feel comfortable giving out my beer.

And this is to say nothing of the douchenoggin factor in asking you in the first place...
 

Yooper

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Well, my thought is this- he wants to use your equipment. Who will be setting it up, serving and taking care of it, and tearing it down? YOU aren't invited, so it won't be you.

Equipment (regulator, jockey box, etc) is expensive, and it only takes one drunk to mess it up. My equipment is never loaned out, it goes where I go. I'm very generous, and have no problem with sharing my brew or equipment. But I wouldn't just take it and drop it off at the reception. If you don't want to do it, then this can be your out.
 
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dismantle360

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Thanks Bobby that was my first reaction I just wasnt sure if I was stepping down to his level. Although I do like the dipping my nuts in the kegs idea.
 

cubbies

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Personally, I think it is douchey to get pissy about not getting invited. I recently got married and there was a pretty large group of people, including some co-workers, that I was simply unable to invite. Weddings are expensive, and church's and reception halls only hold so many people.

If you dont want to do it because you dont want to loan your equipment/lose the money/don't feel like it/whatever, that is fine; but to not do it because you weren't invited I think is a douche move.
 

Yooper

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Personally, I think it is douchey to get pissy about not getting invited. I recently got married and there was a pretty large group of people, including some co-workers, that I was simply unable to invite. Weddings are expensive, and church's and reception halls only hold so many people.

If you dont want to do it because you dont want to loan your equipment/lose the money/don't feel like it/whatever, that is fine; but to not do it because you weren't invited I think is a douche move.
Oh, I think most of us understand limiting the guest list because you have to. Not being invited to a wedding because you can't invite every single person you work with shouldn't offend anybody.

But asking for a gift (using someone's stuff at the wedding, as well as their time would constitute a gift to me) and not inviting them is douchie.
 

zoebisch01

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There really is no additional information that would make me change my opinion. That was a dick move, and I'd pour beer down the drain before I gave the guy any.
I wasn't trying to change your opinion, Bobby. :D
 

Coastarine

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If the guy just likes your beer and is willing to compensate you for it (which would be a pretty damn good deal for him anyway) then I see no problem. You wouldn't invite the guy from the beer distributor to your party just because you bought his beer.

If he just wants it for free, I wouldn't give away that much homebrew even if I WAS invited.
 
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dismantle360

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I understand the costs assosiated with the party I shelled out the costs once before also.

I also made it a point that if I asked for help or something from someone they got an invite when I threw the wedding.

If it was a small family only thing I would understand. (I also wouldnt have to provide a few kegs.)

When its growing past 150+ people and new people are being invited as we speak thats where I have an issue of being asked to provide but not be included.

I am providing my time, equipment, and TLC to brew the beer after all.

The grain, hops, and yeast are the cheap parts.
 

srm775

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Personally, I think it is douchey to get pissy about not getting invited. I recently got married and there was a pretty large group of people, including some co-workers, that I was simply unable to invite. Weddings are expensive, and church's and reception halls only hold so many people.

If you dont want to do it because you dont want to loan your equipment/lose the money/don't feel like it/whatever, that is fine; but to not do it because you weren't invited I think is a douche move.
Not doing it because you weren't invited, yet other coworkers were, isn't even close to being a douche move.

Asking someone to spend a 8-10 hrs brewing beer and then lend you the dispensing equipment but not extending them the simple courtesy of an invitation to the event is a total dick move. You wouldn't ask someone to spend 8 hrs compiling a playlist and the tracks, borrow their equipment and then not even invite them to the event, would you?

Three kegs of A$$-Wash Ale comin' up. Tell them to make sure they drink it all, cause you don't want it back.
 

zoebisch01

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*shrug*

Most non-brewers have zero clue on the effort and care that goes into homebrew. Before I brewed I knew nothing of the process.
 

EdWort

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The guy definitely is a DB. I'd offer to give him 15 gallons of craft beer for free, but the rental on the kegs and dispensing equipment is $300. If he does not like that, then tell him to pickup a couple 1/2 barrels of BMC and save a couple bucks.
 

STAD

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Personally, I think it is douchey to get pissy about not getting invited. I recently got married and there was a pretty large group of people, including some co-workers, that I was simply unable to invite. Weddings are expensive, and church's and reception halls only hold so many people.

If you dont want to do it because you dont want to loan your equipment/lose the money/don't feel like it/whatever, that is fine; but to not do it because you weren't invited I think is a douche move.
Yeah.. It's one thing to not invite someone, but it's another to ask them to do something for you in the process.

Honestly, I would NOT brew for him. I would say something along the lines of, "Sorry, I can't. I don't normally lend out my equipment because it's kind of expensive." However, I can see this statement resulting in a desperate, pity invite, which is something you don't want. In that case, I would just politely decline and let him figure it out on his own.

By the way, this guy sounds like a total douche. I know that the phrase has been said already by damn near everyone, but I can't think of a better description. F*CK HIM!
 

JMD87

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I'd say no beer. Since he's an engineer, point out the getting something for nothing violates the first law of thermodynamics.
Excellent! Except that doesn't only apply to thermodynamics, but engineering itself.


To the OP: +?
It's not nice of him to ask you to go through all that trouble and not even be invited to the wedding. Is he aware the amount of time & energy that goes into making beer? Maybe he just thought it wouldn't be a big deal for you to make up a couple of batches.
 

the_bird

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Whether he's aware of the effort that goes into homebrewing or not, he's asking you to give him beer that's worth (if he had to buy it) a couple hundred bucks in exchange for spending maybe fifty or sixty bucks on ingredients. He's asking you for that, but he can't extend an invitation to you and a guest? He's still going to make money on the deal!

I stand by my first post, total douche, and even if an invite were to be subsequently forthcoming, he'll still be a douche and always be a douche.
 

zoebisch01

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Whether he's aware of the effort that goes into homebrewing or not, he's asking you to give him beer that's worth (if he had to buy it) a couple hundred bucks in exchange for spending maybe fifty or sixty bucks on ingredients. He's asking you for that, but he can't extend an invitation to you and a guest? He's still going to make money on the deal!

That's a good point, but what I was getting at is that this guy needs to understand that there is tremendous effort involved regardless of if the OP brews or not for him.
 

GilaMinumBeer

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Unless it was my own, a family member, or my mates wedding I personally wouldn't care to go to a wedding. So unless you thought you'd be a brides maid MAN UP! :cross:

Seriously, I'd be okay with him buying the materials and giving enough cash to "ensure there's enough funds for the raw materials" but to hand over kegs and a jockey box to a acquaintance co-worker smells of disaster on a scale like Edworts trailer mounted keezer. If the guy want to make a "refundable deposit" for the gear, then I might re-consider.

Otherwise, No thanks.
 

TexLaw

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Yeah, three kegs of beer represents a lot of work. Even among friends and brewers, unless there is something very special going on, buying ingredients for the brewer only entitles you to half the batch brewed with another guy's gear. A douchebag wedding is not something very special.


TL
 

jfrizzell

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Just a thought...are you sure you're not invited? Maybe by asking you to brew the beer, he was also extending an off hand invitation. If everyone else in your department got a written invitation, then the guy's still a DB, but maybe he thought he was implying that you were invited?

Who knows. Definitely a weird situation. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
 

cd2448

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Well, my thought is this- he wants to use your equipment. Who will be setting it up, serving and taking care of it, and tearing it down? YOU aren't invited, so it won't be you.

Equipment (regulator, jockey box, etc) is expensive, and it only takes one drunk to mess it up. My equipment is never loaned out, it goes where I go. I'm very generous, and have no problem with sharing my brew or equipment. But I wouldn't just take it and drop it off at the reception. If you don't want to do it, then this can be your out.
Now I have an image of Yoop dragging her kegging set up around the post office, the supermarket, the dry clearners.
 
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