How do I be a bad neighbor, without actually being a bad neighbor??

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Garfield43

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You watch they will "rescue" (buy at a shelter) some giant, angry dog they can't handle.

If I read this right he came on your property and threw your log in the ally becase he didn't like it on your fence.
Without making a threat (that is illegal) he needs to know in no uncertain terms he is to never do that again.
Just the level of entitlement in "he came on your property and threw your log in the ally becase he didn't like it on your fence" is insane.
Anyone with that little self awareness is dangerous.
 

Chain

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This is an interesting and tricky question to which it is not easy for me to give an accurate answer. You got me thinking. Perhaps if you let your dog go about his business on the lawn of your neighbors, you will be a bad neighbor, but you should have a great relationship with the neighbors. Hmm... Or if I set up my ajax surveillance cameras so that they cover other people's houses and the windows of my neighbors. Then I probably wouldn't be considered a very good neighbor either. That would be an invasion of privacy, wouldn't it?
 

Steveruch

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if I set up my ajax surveillance cameras so that they cover other people's houses and the windows of my neighbors. Then I probably wouldn't be considered a very good neighbor either. That would be an invasion of privacy, wouldn't it?
Until it helps identify the burglar that stole the fancy urn holding grandma's ashes.
 

davidabcd

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Going to crack this expired egg. I'm bored, the title was interesting but I did read the whole thing. I felt empathy for the OP as I have a couple non-optimum neighbors.
By the by, hope the situation was resolved for the OP.

What stood out for (568444999999999999999999999999--Hogarth, my cat, giving his two cents) me was the neighbor that moved in had no business moving into a neighborhood so utterly incompatible with his own personal views. That was just stupid on his and/or her part. Plus that guy seemed pretty self-righteous.
 
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(TL;DR)

Hey all, I pride myself on being a good homeowner, a good neighbor and a good friend to those around me. My lawn and landscaping is manicured (I own a lawncare business, so, it kinda has to be), we're welcoming to our neighbors, never loud and always (in fact, too often) willing to lend a helping hand. This is all fine and well, but the new hipster couple that just moved in next door are really trying my patience and getting on my last nerve!

It started almost literally as soon as they moved in. As I mentioned before, I own a lawncare business in town so I made the same offer to them I do all of my new neighbors: to mow their lawn once, for free, while they're getting settled in, or pick back up on the contract I lost when the house sold. They stared daggers through me and said that they 'don't want emissions in their yard', as if we don't share an atmosphere and they don't have two cars parked in the driveway leaking oil. Fine, whatever. I maintain close to 100 lawns a week and about 95% of my block. I'm busy, just trying to be nice!

My backyard is fenced in and in the corner next to their corner I have a nice firewood rack and I rested a small pecan log on my fence (across the corner) to keep it off the ground so it can dry since it didn't fit on my rack. I noticed when I was fertilizing and spraying that the log was gone, and Mr. Hipster sitting in his back yard across the fence from me. It turns out that he didn't like it sitting on MY fence so he threw it into the alley. He then also criticizes the fact that I'm spraying chemicals, applying non organic fertilizers (of course the hipsters are organic) and that my mowers are too loud. Whatever, man. My lawn(s) are pristine, my customers are happy and I hate to break it to ya, but, I've done all my chemical schedules to your lawn for 3 years now so your lawn ain't organic either. But why not say something to me about my log, or at the very least throw it in my yard, not the alley?? I let the log issue roll off my back and gave him the usual 'these chemicals are safe, I'll be done in a minute'.

I was out spraying a couple Wasp nests around my house because I'm terrified of them, they harass my dog and my wife is allergic. They gotta go! Of course Hipster 1 and 2 start berating me again because of chemicals, but also that everything has a place on earth and that they pollinate. Now I'm getting a little thin on patience, so I maintain eye contact with them and continue to spray without saying a word. It's my property and I have very justifiable reasons for killing those winged bastards.

A couple weeks later I'm out trimming and edging my lawn when my weed whacker finds a pile of dog s**t by my sidewalk and splatters it on my shins, my shirt and my FACE!! I angrily shut off the machine, go inside to wash up and change clothes. Come out, finish trimming and jump on my mower. As I'm mowing Mr. Hipster comes over to say 'sorry, man I got distracted' and 'I always forget to bring bags with me' (HIS HOUSE IS 15 STEPS AWAY) and explains his little Chihuahua will only s**t on concrete. I tell him I already chopped it up with my trimmer, he looks at the pieces on my sidewalk and says 'oh yeah, gross, I'm not going to pick that up it has flies all over it already' then picks up his dog and leaves before I can say anything.

At this point I'm about to boil over like an unwatched BK.

The next week, he finds out I used to be a licensed Arborist and he now wants me to trim my tree that hangs over his property line. As much as I hate him, I agree to it even though its HIS responsibility simply because I don't want someone to come hack up my tree. He thanks me and follows up with how I shouldn't use wood chips in my planter beds so close to his house so he doesn't get termites. The next day, he wants me to call one of my friends who still is in the tree business to come drop a load of chips for HIM. I need a beer...

Last week as I'm mowing, I notice about 8 piles of Chihuahua sized s**t in the grass by my sidewalk and since the little dog doesn't walk in grass I know that Hipster f**k is just kicking it into my grass for either me to chop up, step in or have smashed into my mower tires.


I'm about to lose my mind! So, I'm asking you (anyone who has made it this far), how can I get back at this a**hole neighbor of mine and be a 'bad neighbor' without being a bad neighbor. I'm beyond a resolution, now I'm seeking petty revenge! I'm one more pile of crap or backhanded comment about how I do business from jumping the fence and smashing him or chasing him down with a mower (I wouldn't ever actually take it that far)...
Put his house on the market. For Sale by Owner, etc. !!
Including his phone number if you have it!
 

MaxStout

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Good fences make good neighbors. Build the tallest one allowed in your community and ignore the neighbors as much as you can. Hopefully, it ends there, or at least the hostilities are reduced.

However, if the hippie neighbors continue to antagonize you, or they escalate things, document it and pay an attorney to send them a nastygram--probably wouldn't cost much.

Something to the tune of:
"I am [ATTORNEY], retained as counsel for [NAMES, ADDRESS]. It has been brought to my attention that person(s) residing at [YOUR ADDRESS] have been observed engaging in the actions of [______], on or about the dates of [______]. These actions have been documented by my clients and said documents have been forwarded to me. I have attached copies of relevant documents of these actions collected so far. Please review these documents at your convenience and forward them to your legal counsel. It is my hope, and the hopes of my clients, that this situation will not continue, or escalate, to the point of my clients needing to pursue legal relief. Ideally, this situation can be resolved without further action. Nevertheless, we are prepared to move forward with legal action if the need requires us to do so. As [CLIENT NAMES] have now retained my firm as legal counsel, any and all communications from this point forward should be directed to me, through your legal counsel. If you have any further questions or concerns, please instruct your legal counsel to contact me."

Have it sent via certified mail with return receipt. Then they are on notice and you have proof of that.

I've written a few of these on behalf of friends/family members. Never heard from any of the neighbors' attorneys; nothing ever escalated.
 

El Whedo

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I've never had a nightmare neighbor.

I've always lived in very small towns, or smaller villages.

Had a new lady move in down the street four years back, I think it was. I thought I was gonna have to flat out tell her to leave me the hell alone, but she ended up one of my favorite neighbors.

She is 2/3's crazy, but educated and smart. She has a wicked (dark) sense of humor, and once she caught on to the unwritten village rules most of us like her.

The biggest problem she had with me was cultural. I, like most everyone here, fish and hunt. She really let into me one Saturday afternoon when I was plucking the primary flight feathers from a turkey I bagged during the Spring hunt. She said I making a spectacle out in public ( I was in my garage with the door open In my fenced yard). She said it was violent and I was doing it to threaten her and the other neighbors.

I told her I was collecting the flight feathers to make quills to sell. A turkey quill is just about the best ever... way better than a steel nibbed dip-pen. She was a fountain pen nut, so I trimmed two quills to show her how, and sent her home with a third for her to trim at home. She was alot nicer after that. Even nicer yet once I introduced her to other folks in our village. She found out that about half of the village is as liberal as her, just a few local views added in like hunting and fishing are normal, and locals are real friendly if ya don't tell us what to do.
 

Albany brew guy

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Legal code as mentioned before. Remember though - save that one unless there are more code violations you can pick on. Save the trump card for all-out war

Get motion sensor lights set as sensitive as possible (pointed more at their property than yours)

Practice bird calls in the yard at 6:00am - or better yet, yodeling

Hire tru-green lawn service or similar to apply a crap ton of chemicals on your lawn and have the sign up advertising their service

Get a composter between your house and his. put some raw fish and chicken in it. If the smell doesn't get them, the flies will. Also get a bug zapper to put next to the composter.

Fly an American flag.

Get a diesel truck and warm up the engine for 15 minutes before driving anywhere.

I could keep going, but I need to go to work in the morning.....
 
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