Homebrewers Sound Like Drug Dealers

[Talgrath]

(This is entirely tongue in cheek)

Some things I've noticed that make homebrewers seem like drug dealers or drug manufacturers:

1. We have large amounts of white powder and a scale for measuring it
Corn sugar, of course.

2. We're often talking about Oxy
Oxyclean, that is.

3. We use green, dank leaves for our own enjoyment
Hops of course, hops, right guys?

4. We spend a lot of time cooking
...our wort.

5. We have bottles of strange pills in our closets
Whirlfloc.

Anyone have any other ones?

 

[MaxStout]

We often have flasks and beakers with strange liquids inside.

Standing around a propane-fired kettle in your garage can attract the attention of neighbors. Even more so when they see you hook up a big coil of copper tubing. Yes, I've had someone ask if I had a still in my garage.

 

[jmward21]

6. We make deals using cash.

My LHBS uses brown paper bags. Sometimes I will run there at lunch and my coworker will ask me to pick him something up. So...I am trading brown bags with undisclosed items in them for cash at my work place.

 

[coolharry]

Cant forget those nice compact scales we use to weigh out those white powders and green flowers. I always feel like someone's gonna wonder by while I'm weighing out water additions and freak out.

 

[unionrdr]

When another home meth lab gets busted & people see your brewery & think it's a meth lab or something. Then the cops see your bottles, bottle tree, etc & smile.

 

[GuldTuborg]

We're frequently breaking out devices made of large, copper coils.


To chill wort, of course.

 

[madscientist451]

Well alcohol is a drug, I'm making it but not doing any dealing at the moment....

 

[unionrdr]

When you cop a lid from your buddy, but it's hops rather than hop...

 

[MaxStout]

6. We make deals using cash.

My LHBS uses brown paper bags. Sometimes I will run there at lunch and my coworker will ask me to pick him something up. So...I am trading brown bags with undisclosed items in them for cash at my work place.

My LHBS also sells hydroponic growing supplies. The owner once remarked that the beer and wine makers often pay for their stuff with credit cards. The "grow" people almost always pay with cash.

 

[Psylocide]

My LHBS also sells hydroponic growing supplies. The owner once remarked that the beer and wine makers often pay for their stuff with credit cards. The "grow" people almost always pay with cash.

Yeah... even when I bought that kind of stuff at Menards/Home Depot (and would have taken some serious knowledge to know the intended use of said items) I would pay cash. Not worth leaving a paper trail.

 

[d3track]

My LHBS also sells hydroponic growing supplies. The owner once remarked that the beer and wine makers often pay for their stuff with credit cards. The "grow" people almost always pay with cash.

That section at Midwest seems to keep getting bigger

 

[Brettomomyces]

We often have somewhat inflated electric bills from running a bunch of refrigerators/kegerators/fermenters and then us electric brew folks with the actual brewing. I'm sure my bill is a lot higher than most of my neighbors

 

[MaxStout]

Water bill, too. Though I try to re-use the spent chiller water on trees and shrubs.

 

[aeviaanah]

Hahah! This thread is hilarious!

 

[jtratcliff]

umm... coming soon?

https://www.homebrewtalk.com/showthread.php?t=527711

 

[Vandulus]

We often have flasks and beakers with strange liquids inside.

My son asked me the other day after making a starter and a few tinctures with the lab ware, "Dad, are you going all Walter White on me? Are you really running a meth lab in the basement?"

Ah, youth is wasted on the young!

 

[sandyeggoxj]

I have been trying to get my buddy to put this in his garage right next to the rest of the labware and brew setup just to see what the neighbors will think.

Here is the article about this contraption: http://www.dudeiwantthat.com/gear/food-drink/mad-scientist-iced-coffee-maker.asp

 

[unionrdr]

Ha, that's funny right there!

 

[vincentAlpha]

Don't forget what plant hops are closely related to

 

[unionrdr]

That's why I mentioned hops & hop in another reply. You brew with hops, but you smoke/eat hop...

 

[MindenMan]

What is even more funny (not) is when your nosey a$$ neighbor sees your scales and burners in your garage and reports you as a meth lab.

 

[brew_ny]

I had a sheriff with an investigator out at my place not long ago because a concerned neighbor called because they thought I had a drug lab

 

[brewcat]

You carry large tanks of different types of gas back and forth.

 

[SupervisingChildren]

I had a sheriff with an investigator out at my place not long ago because a concerned neighbor called because they thought I had a drug lab

So you're not our local supplier? darn!

When you spend a good half hour weighing out a pound into small packages.... I almost feel paranoid doing it too, but gotta save cash on the bulk hops for personal consumption haha

 

[unionrdr]

It just got me that the nosey neighbors that moved out used to blab & cause trouble for me. Not my fault I don't have 20K to spend on my yard. His wife stood outside the front of my house once, while I had the front door open doing something. she looked into my brewery/man cave, saying on the phone, " Yeah, it looks like a meth lab or something?". How in the hell would a yuppie know what a meth lab looks like that likely has never seen one???

 

[JonM]

I imagine one of these days I'll do the full blown caustic cleaning of the plate chiller. That'll require apron, gloves, goggles (maybe face shield). Basically I'll look like Walter White.

 

[unionrdr]

...or TSA...!!

 

[Hello]

Man, my neighbors have no imagination, they just think I'm cooking a turkey all of the time.

 

[DrunkleJon]

When friends and family are always stopping by begging you for a hookup and leave with large oddly shaped bags.

 

[bobeer]

How in the hell would a yuppie know what a meth lab looks like that likely has never seen one???

Because of shows like Breaking Bad... Now everyone thinks everything is a meth lab.

The carboys, pulling first runnings and the immersion chiller always get me strange looks when I brew in the garage.

 

[unionrdr]

I guess they missed seeing the bottle tree, bench capper & boxes of bottles???

 

[PlexVector]

I recommend we all get a Jacobs ladder running in the background, a random strobe flash, and dry ice fog blanketing the garage floor to add to the affect.

 

[Venari]

Just don't let the neighbours hear you tell your friends that you need to "buy two pounds of crystal" for the next batch.

That's what goes through my mind when I see the grain bill for some recipes

 

[JonM]

I recommend we all get a Jacobs ladder running in the background, a random strobe flash, and dry ice fog blanketing the garage floor to add to the affect.

And a laboratory assistant who looks like Marty Feldman.
View attachment ImageUploadedByHome Brew1433516831.453610.jpg

 

[biochemedic]

Just don't let the neighbours hear you tell your friends that you need to "buy two pounds of crystal" for the next batch.

That's what goes through my mind when I see the grain bill for some recipes

Damn boy, 2 pounds! I hope that's at least a 10 gal batch!

 

[Psylocide]

My neighbors hardly bat an eye.

I think it helps that they see me carrying swords around and wearing my Kumdo uniform every Monday/Wednesday night.

That and the fact that I've killed more than a few Rabbits/Squirrels in my yard with my recurve bow.

Never even ask what I'm doing and avoid direct eye contact.

 

[m00ps]

My neighbors hardly bat an eye.

I think it helps that they see me carrying swords around and wearing my Kumdo uniform every Monday/Wednesday night.

That and the fact that I've killed more than a few Rabbits/Squirrels in my yard with my recurve bow.

Never even ask what I'm doing and avoid direct eye contact.

Im jealous I've only got one sword...
My neighbors can always tell when I'm brewing. The whole building smells like oatmeal

Plus the names of a lot of the new hops sound like weed strains

 

[ArcLight]

My neighbors hardly bat an eye.

That and the fact that I've killed more than a few Rabbits/Squirrels in my yard with my recurve bow.

By any chance do you live near New Jersey?
I'd be happy to have you over while brewing and you could kill all the Rabbits/Squirrels in sight.
And ground hogs too if they show up.

 

[brew_ny]

Plus the names of a lot of the new hops sound like weed strains

I was just reading about a new hop I think it is something like.............OG Kush

 

[ckresge]

Two years ago we had a boy scout knock on our door to sell us popcorn. I invited him in and he had the oddest look on his face when he saw the erlenmeyer flask filled with whirlpooling yeast on the dining room table, sitting next to an immersion chiller that I was converting to a HERMS coil, next to a control panel. I can only imagine what he told his parents when he got back in their car. But, being the good boy scout that he is, he returned several weeks later to deliver our popcorn... only to witness MORE odd equipment sitting around! He hasn't come around since.