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Help!!! I've Been Robbed!

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WortMonger

"What you doin' in my waters?"
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Brewpastor said:
I say refill a few Corona bottles with piss and let them steal some of you homebrew as well!
This is about to happen at my house. I tried the nice note, I tried calling them out, I tried a lock on my kegerator (but the kegs leave no room for commercially bought beer, but they would drink my bottled home brew too). So, I am finally going to bottle up some beer for the specific task of my roommates punishment. Funny that I told them this may happen, lets see if any bottles go missing from my pissing, lol. I figure a good APA should mask the smell and taste, yuck, of my vengeance. Not to mention they all love it so much out of the keg. I can't wait for the usual, "Hey I hope it is alright, I grabbed a couple of beers," the next day when I asked where my beer went. "Sure it is alright, that is why I put them in there and ask you not to touch them so nicely." "You should be asking me if it was alright to have stolen a bottle of recycled beer mixed with beer." And the fight insues...... Actually they usually blame it on someone else anyways, but I bet I have some angry roomies after I tell them "their friend drank pee."
 

WortMonger

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Bedlam said:
Serves 'em right, Wortmonger!!! Go get 'em!

(And take pics. And post them here.) :)
You want pics of me filling the bottles, lol? Dirty minded people.....;)

Brewpastor said:
Just put up a note: Some bottles contain piss and other body fluids. Drink at your own risk.
I think that warning came with the whole verbally telling them it could happen in the future thing. That was this summer...... LOL. Now, it is time to do what I said I would do, and call them dumba$$es for not believing me.
 

Bedlam

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wortmonger said:
You want pics of me filling the bottles, lol? Dirty minded people.....;)
.


THAT is entirely up to you, my friend...just let me get my scorecards out and ready...:ban:

What would be REALLY funny would be to get a video of one of 'em drinking it and/or getting the news!

"Wow! This beer tastes like asparagus..." :p
 
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J

james3

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BraeHaus said:
ahh... well this time i'd invest in some kegs the right way, build up a nice setup and make them secure and in a spot where you can easily see them from inside or just make sure to lock them up inside.
getting kegs "illegaly" is hard enough. getting them the right way would be twice as hard, but like rdwj said... what comes around goes around.
 

Joker

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Brewpastor said:
Just put up a note: Some bottles contain piss and other body fluids. Drink at your own risk.

Ahhhh I wouldn't do that. If they are anything like me they would move the bottles around so you don't know which is which and not drink any.

Of course if you just put the note and don't spike any that would be just fine, unless they think they would like to spike a few too.

I recommend a internet cam that will send the pictures to your email. Atleast you have proof of who is actually drinking the brew and who to properly get revenge against.
 

Rick_R

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Just put up a note: Some bottles contain piss and other body fluids. Drink at your own risk.
An old Jerry Clower story as a kid: Farmer knew he was stealing watermelons but couldn't catch him, so he finally put up a sign that said "one of these watermelons is poisoned." Farmer went to the field the next day to find, written at the bottom of the sign: "Now two are."

Might wanna be careful with the spiking idea. :)

Rick
 

WortMonger

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Oh, I would do them all. I usually only put a sixer or 12 at most in the main fridge every now and then. But, they are 100% for taking at least one, every time and "asking" me later. A while back I even said, "No, it isn't alright that you grabbed a beer," when one asked me. He got ticked that I wouldn't share, lol, these people I can't wait to move away from. Until then, they are going to get the message through their own doing.
 

c.n.budz

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wortmonger, I went through this problem a few months ago. I got alot of good suggestions from people here on what to do, corona bottles full of pee was brought up.... What eventually happened was the culprits eventually brought some beer over and I drank all of them before the two douchebags got a chance to finish their first beers, I was pretty drunk after this. When those beers were gone i told them that i was out of homebrew and they had no more beer for the night. They got a little pissed and i just replied with "Well how the f*ck do you like it??" Hasn't happened since.
 

WortMonger

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We are past that stage, hence the lock on the kegerator. They drink my sierra nevada I had to get at a liquor store (room temperature, State Law) on a Saturday night and I had 3 for the next day that I was actually wanting to drink them and get a little tipsy. I guess we all had one that night, I just don't remember saying they could. Liquor stores aren't open on Sundays, and they wouldn't have the cash to buy a sixer of SNPA, they would say they would pitch in on what they drunk and each give me a dollar. Lot more than just beer theft going on, and beer would be the only thing I have ever put in the fridge there. They keep such a nasty place I refuse to eat there. It is free rent for me except I pay satellite, actually I think I am the only one paying anything other than the owner. They smoke inside, so I am minus one mattress when I do move out. Anyways, I'm way off topic and am sorry to stray from the theft of brewing equipment. I suppose I would worry my roomies would hock mine given the chance, lol.
 

TexLaw

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Wortmonger, you need to consider something deeply. If you piss in those bottles (or do whatever it is you think you might) and put them in the fridge, intending for someone to drink them, and someone does drink them, you are in some deep kimchi. I don't know Oklahoma law very well, but I would bet that the act you are conssidering constitues, at least, assault. It might even be aggravated assault, but that might depend on how much harm resulted. Those are just the criminal consequences, as there is some civil liability there, too.

Yes, these guys are stealing from you. They are thieves, plain and simple. However, most likely, that would not justify what you and the other posters are talking about, at least not in the eyes of the law. And, as much smack as people can talk casually, you might be surprised how quickly they start following the law when they sit in a jury box.

Obviously, these guys don't give a flip about you, so don't think they would hesitate to call the cops. They don't sound like the sort who enjoy taking their medicine, so to speak.

And, something else to consider, you still live with these jokers. No matter how justified you believe you may be, are you prepared to sleep with one eye open and a pistol under your pillow?


TL
 

WortMonger

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I don't really have to pee in the bottles to pee in the bottles. ;) Also, they smoke pot (not a fan of this either) so I doubt they would do anything other than want to fight. Which, I am more than ready for and they won't go there. I understand that the law would be against me, and that really ticks me off, but I do understand it isn't written for narrow instances, so..... I am going with extreme propaganda on a single homebrew bottle and numbering the bottle caps just for extra effect. "A lie is not a lie, if told often enough to be believed." -not mine, but it does apply-
 

Chriso

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I know how to reason with potheads. Ask again, firmly but nicely. Remind them that your homebrew is ONLY your homebrew, and in case they forgot, you had already given them the last warning, BUT that you are giving them ONE more because they are your friends. Also I would offer to brew them their own batch in exchange for supply money (rounded up to the nearest $5 of course). Then they can have THEIR brew so they don't have to take YOUR brew.

Ask them why they won't take responsibility for the things they are taking from you, and explain that a SNPA is worth a lot more than a buck, especially in terms of opportunity cost (what it costs you to not drink that beer on Sunday afternoon).

If they still won't respect you, then perhaps it's time to invest in a storage unit off-site to keep your gear in until you can get out. And, worst case scenario, you can always wait till they leave the house (high), and then drop a tip to the dispatch about a couple of impaired drivers you just saw outside your house.

However, I think it's probably worth it to try talking to them ONE more time, in a "remember, we had this conversation, and you agreed to hold up your side of the bargain?" kind of way. Revenge will just lead to more revenge. Trust me. It's classic asshat oneuppery. I'm good at it.

By the way, re: the assault thing, instead of bottling piss, just bottle something less tasty than beer. Take a 6'er of your homebrew and put some bittering solution in it. Or worse, just spray the tap handle or the bottle with some of that pet repellant apple stuff. Bitter apple or whatever they call it.

edit: Oh and even without the piss idea and warning signs and such, simply numbering the caps is a great idea. Then they know it'll be obvious if something is missing, and will think you're counting them. Which you might be.

As a last ditch solution, I recommend buying the ****tiest beer you can, and putting that out in the open for a "free grab" beer supply. Then, just make clear that if they want beer, they can drink Free grab beer, not Your beer.

And yeah. I know. We've veered way off topic. Stealing stuff is wrong, in summation.

onemoreedit: You might also just try putting empty bottles in the fridge, capped. Sure it's a waste of 6 caps, but it'd be funny. Or just fill 'em with water. Either way, go for something funny and lighthearted, not malicious and hurtful.

Eeeeevil shenanigans!

(Remote linking disabled, or I would've embedded it.)
 
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iamjonsharp

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Sounds like some crappy roommates.

I would hide behind the fridge in a gorilla suit. When the culprit swipes a brew, jump out from behind the fridge, swipe the beer and smash the end of the bottle off on a table. Then proceed to chase him around the neighborhood with the broken glass bottle while making gorilla noises.

Or order 15 pounds of glitter and spread it on the floor of his room. He'll be covered in glitter for years, that stuff never goes away.

Or get one of these: http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/8c52/
 

rdwj

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iamjonsharp said:
Sounds like some crappy roommates.

I would hide behind the fridge in a gorilla suit. When the culprit swipes a brew, jump out from behind the fridge, swipe the beer and smash the end of the bottle off on a table. Then proceed to chase him around the neighborhood with the broken glass bottle while making gorilla noises.

Or order 15 pounds of glitter and spread it on the floor of his room. He'll be covered in glitter for years, that stuff never goes away.

Or get one of these: http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/8c52/
My, aren't we creative this morning!
 

WortMonger

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Yep, amazingly I bought all my tuns and kettles from Sabco. The mash tun had a "do not use as a pressurized beer container" sticker on it warning it wasn't pressure capable. So, the brewer at the brew pub said it was mine if I wanted it. I took her home and cut off the top with all the pointed dent marks and hammered out a big side dent. It is actually my prettiest tun now, but I had reservations when I got it. I may borrow a keg or two for a couple of months to clean and reuse, but I don't think I could "modify" one that I didn't buy because I know how bad it would suck if everyone did it and keg deposits went through the roof. I do wish they would make it easier to buy Sanke kegs like they used to. Spartanburg Stainless used to have a thing where you could order a brand new 1/2 bbl keg from them with up to (I forget but enough) letters imprinted into the top skirt, for $125. Now I can't find anywhere to buy a brand new 1/2 bbl. Sabco doesn't even sell kegs anymore. Actually, does anyone know a good place someone could legally buy kegs for conversion to kettles in case something like this happened to someone else? I know you can go through home brew stores and buy Cornie's, but does anyone do Sanke's of multiple sizes? I have tried to find sabco.com and no luck.
 

shafferpilot

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Have you ever had chili beer? I love it, myself, but if you're not expecting the powerful bite of a chili pepper, it will make you choke pretty good. How about bottling up some of a darker beer and shoving a hot pepper in each bottle. No chance for legal recourse since you're working with only food products;) If they make it through the whole thing, they'll have to wonder what the heck that soft lump in the bottom of the bottle is. "A dead mouse?" "A shriveled up poo?"
 

Chriso

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That's why I was thinking water and bittering solution of some kind. After all, if both ingredients are indeed safe for consumption, you could legitimately claim that they were bottled that way for your own use. If you liked really bitter water, that is. :D

Chilis are a good idea too, tho.
 
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