HBT Literary Night Open Mic

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3 Dawg Night

Life is too short to drink crappy beer.
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**tap-tap** Is this thing on?

A recent exchange between @danimal92sport and @TwistedGray over on the "What are you drinking now?" got me to thinking: the denizens of HBT are a classy, sophisticated bunch. I bet they could come up with some fantastic beer poetry! So, here is the place to post your finest beer-related literary works. As they say in Fellowship of the Drink and Fellowship of the Home Brew: Rules! There must be rules!

1) All literary works must be original to the poster. No plagarism!
2) All postings must be in the form of either a haiku or a limerick (definitions below).
3) Keep it clean. I don't want to hear about any men from Nantucket.
4) All posts must be about beer. No wine, no kombucha, no seltzer. Go start your own thread.

Haiku: a Japanese poem of 17 syllables, in three lines of 5, 7, and 5.

Limerick: a verse of 3 long and 2 short lines rhyming A-A-B-B-A.

Examples:

A Haiku:
I love to brew beer.
My wife thinks I save money.
Hope I'm not found out.

A Limerick:
There once was a brewer named Jay.
Who tried to brew a pilsner one day.
After all of his toil,
He dozed off during the boil.
And all his precious beer boiled away.

I am CERTAIN that the group here can come up with better submissions than mine, so let's hear them!
 

seatazzz

Well-Known Bloviator & Pontificator
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It was a few years ago,
To a homebrew shop I did go,
With the intention of money to spend.
Little did I know, that 5 years by would go,
And the spending never would end!!

But when I look around my brewery and see,
My equipment waiting for me,
To create something tasty and MINE;
All the cash, that seemed to go so fast,
Was spent with this in mind.

To make a beer so tasty,
With help from friends at HBT,
Is something I never dreamed;
To see a full fermenter, with yeast just going a-pelter,
And know the end result will be supreme.

*yah it doesn't quite flow but this was done in about 5 minutes after drinking all day*
 

bracconiere

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When the Stranger offered me SS candy,

i said that'd be dandy, but i'm not that handy

my beer is rank, and i'll take it all the way to the bank!
 

grampamark

Icons clast. Inquire within.
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Limericks aren’t really hard, though it helps to have at least a little sense of rhythm. Enough to tap your foot in time to music should be sufficient.

The style has five lines. One, two, and five each have eight syllables and must all rhyme. Lines three and four have five syllables and must rhyme. That’s all there is to it. I made this one up as I was typing this. It’s not a great limerick but it’s technically correct:

There once was a brewer named Clark
Who made all his beer in a park
But it slipped his mind
That birds were not kind
Their droppings made Clark’s beer quite dark
 

cmac62

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Here we are to start a brewing
I have no clue what I'm doing
Hope it doesn't show
Its easy, just go
Drink too much and you'll be spewing.
:mug:
 
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I brewed for my favorite uncle.
I said I was making a dunkel.
He said, "But I like them light - you think that's shite.
But for me, beer should be like cold pee."
 

Mr. Vern

Sacred Crow Brewing
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A tradition it is, brewing elixir
Unlike that snake-oil medical trickster
The Solstice draws nigh
you can tell by the sky
One quart per pound make it thick, sir
 

MaxStout

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There once was a man from Wales
Who brewed the strongest of ales
He wasn't thinking
And couldn't stop drinking
Now he doesn't know heads from tails

There once was a girl from Peru
Who was vainly attempting to brew
Her guy said "oy vey!"
If you keep on this way
Our pipeline'll be empty, it's true

There once was a man from Wheeling
With bottle-bombs unappealing
So like a trout
He stuck his mouth out
And waited for drops from the ceiling
 
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When the hot break looks just like Vesuvius

I think back to the antedeluvius

When Noah was a pup of two hundred

And in search of strong grog we all wandered

No power nor water but nothing to fear

We were torn we were tattered

But we had beer

That was clear

It was all that mattered
 
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i'm legend in my own mind,
going to go on a bender,
hopefully with something that includes lemon rind!
I was trying to be ironic.

irony is a funny thing. Not always apparent when someone is using irony. When you’re not sure, place a magnet close to it. If it sticks - yep, it’s irony.
 

bracconiere

Jolly Alcoholic
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I was trying to be ironic.

irony is a funny thing. Not always apparent when someone is using irony. When you’re not sure, place a magnet close to it. If it sticks - yep, it’s irony.

it's only irony, if you rub it a bunch
then have to clean up and such......................? sorry if that's off topic?


but tropical gators legs brined in gator-aid, never to get laid....

hopefully the bag was weighed
 
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