Good grief are you freakin kidding me...

[bottlebomber]

A little about myself - I am a proud father of 3 handsome boys. They are not my wifes biological children, they are from my previous marriage. My ex-wife went super crackhead in '09 and so I had her replaced. She hasn't seen the boys in over a year, and has had several drug and domestic violence arrests since then.

In our ongoing court dates, it had come out that she was pregnant. Doesn't know who the father is. Other things that have come out - she is literally living in a hay barn, in a room that's been boxed off, and she has had 2 drug arrests during her pregnancy. In another instance she was hospitalized, and left the hospital Against Medical Advice. Because of this, my wife and I started talking months ago about the possibility that this child would come up for adoption. We decided that if he/she was healthy that we were willing to do this. Three weeks ago she had the child, a girl, and indeed it was taken from her in the hospital as she had tested positive for drugs. My ex-wife called me in tears in fact asking if there was anyway I could find it in my heart to take her child.

So the last three weeks my wife and I have been doing research, moving things around in our home, we bought some things, we did the Lifescan background check, had a home inspection, and started preparing our boys for the change. I've also spent hours on the phone with CPS workers. We were supposed to have her this week.

This morning I got a text message from my ex - "They are giving her back! I'm riding the bus down to go pick her up!". WTH??! Called the placement worker. Sure enough, the day before a decision was made that they were going to close the CPS case and return the infant.

We are pissed. My ex has a well documented history of substance abuse. Even she was suprised. Before I got custody of my boys she exposed them to abuse and neglect. She used drugs during her pregnancy. And she lives in a fackin' barn. Who's call was this? Who do they answer to? Is there some kind of a system of accountability for these people, or do they operate totally unchecked? I had to leave work early today, I was so agitated I was starting to think crazy thoughts. I had planned on drinking several pints of beer tonight, but now I'm just lost in thought so this is not technically a drunken post. Somebodies going to have to pay for this. I really hope it isn't an innocent child.

 

[passedpawn]

Crazy world. Crazy, crazy world.

 

[rycov]

what the ****? thats rediculous that a child, especially a baby would be given to a drug user who lives in a barn. its screwed up on so many different levels that.. i .... yeah i don't know. sorry to hear this. wish i could help. i hope that it all works out, and you get the baby.

 

[wailingguitar]

I just threw up a little... the system is FUBAR!

 

[Jklinden]

This is why I want to be a lawyer... Sounds corny but it's true

 

[bottlebomber]

I'm also pissed off because now she can bring this piss poor decision into the courtroom with our case, and say "Look see? CPS thinks I'm great!"
I've heard of a case before where they have released a child to go live in a car. I've also heard they will TAKE kids if you spank them as part of a course of discipline. This has got to be the worst run organization of all time.

 

[corkybstewart]

As far as the courts are concerned the mother is always the best choice regardless of the circumstances. My wife is a school nurse and sees it all the time.

 

[bottlebomber]

This is why I want to be a lawyer... Sounds corny but it's true

I want to be a lawyer too! I'm a machinist by trade and love it, but I had to go against my ex's lawyer representing myself, and the guy was a complete idiot. He suggested that my wanting to protect my kids from their abusive mother was the same as not making them eat their peas. I figure if I can roast A-holes like that and make a living, while fighting for the innocent, I will love my job even more.

 

[bottlebomber]

As far as the courts are concerned the mother is always the best choice regardless of the circumstances. My wife is a school nurse and sees it all the time.

Don't I know it... on one occasion my ex and her psychotic drug dealing BF were driving drunk with the kids in the car out some back country road. They got in a fight while driving, he sprayed beer all over everyone in the car, she drove into the roadside and he threw the keys out into the woods. That is one of at least a dozen incidences of the same kind, and I still can't get the judge to terminate her parenting rights even when she chooses to not see the kids. I am not a man for politics, but I swear the family courts are way too liberal. They act like drug addiction is just a sad disease, and that the addicts are victims. I used to be into all that crap too, I got free from it. There is a definite point where enough is enough, and I think we got there a loong time ago.

 

[rycov]

she ought to have that baby taken away from her and be sterilized. she obviously was unfit to raise the kids she had, why should she be allowed to go again? raising a kid isn't like learning to ride a bike. you don't fall off and get back up, dust the dirt off and try again. no, its more like falling in deep water. sink or swim. no redos

 

[Airborneguy]

I can go on about family court for hours. Between my experiences and my father's, I could easily fill a book. Family Court is a place to be avoided at all costs, and the people involved in its farce deserve to all die slow deaths. They do more to destroy children's lives than any drug addled crack head could ever do.

 

[corkybstewart]

I am not a man for politics, but I swear the family courts are way too liberal. .

I think the courts are too conservative-they still associate child-rearing with moms. Dads are too busy earning a living to take care of children and a mom's place is in the home with the kids, kind of an Ozzie and Harriet mentality.

 

[lumpher]

don't know what to say, except this is a stupid world on the official level. i'd put her in jail for conspiracy to commit child abuse

 

[bottlebomber]

I think the courts are too conservative-they still associate child-rearing with moms. Dads are too busy earning a living to take care of children and a mom's place is in the home with the kids, kind of an Ozzie and Harriet mentality.

This is true, but thanks to a growing number of female screw ups they are having to re-evaluate this. I actually had no trouble actually obtaining custody. And in my time in family court, which has involved almost 2 dozen appearances over the last 2 1/2 years, I can say that at least 30% of the cases in the courts the father is the petitioner. The attitude still is, however, that these people just need "help", so children are dangled as insentives to try and motivate drug addicts to get it together. I think an on again/off again parent is far more destructive in a childs life than a flat out dead beat. At least with that they know what their getting, and what they can expect.

 

[TheBrewAbides]

It seems like that's pretty much how the system is everywhere unfortunately. My mom took in my cousin's 1 year old son because he and his wife were/are on drugs. My mother made sure that they wouldn't get the kid back, the social workers said they wouldn't...but they did because they passed 2 drug tests. So I guess since they stopped doing drugs for a few weeks they will make awesome parents. Its messed up. That kid was about to go to a good family too.

Sorry about your situation...I hope things work out for the kid...and hopefully your ex will get her sh*t together.

 

[beersteiner2345]

Dang man. Sorry to hear it. At least your current wife sounds like an amazing woman, and you have three amazing boys. It was a VERY wonderful thing to volunteer to be a parent for this child.

And I agree with all your assessments. Although I don't think the court thing can be called liberal or conservative. Either way could be argued. What they are for sure though, is illogical.

Good luck.

P.S.- To the future lawyers above... well said. I am a paralegal (just graduated MBA so will be moving to a different career soon) and I see the attorneys I work for and with, and our paralegals, make tremendously difficult times in peoples' lives a little easier. I work in a Probate and Estate Planning firm, so we try to make dealing with death as easy as possible for our clients. It really makes you feel good. Study hard and good luck.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

A little about myself - I am a proud father of 3 handsome boys. They are not my wifes biological children, they are from my previous marriage. My ex-wife went super crackhead in '09 and so I had her replaced. She hasn't seen the boys in over a year, and has had several drug and domestic violence arrests since then.

In our ongoing court dates, it had come out that she was pregnant. Doesn't know who the father is. Other things that have come out - she is literally living in a hay barn, in a room that's been boxed off, and she has had 2 drug arrests during her pregnancy. In another instance she was hospitalized, and left the hospital Against Medical Advice. Because of this, my wife and I started talking months ago about the possibility that this child would come up for adoption. We decided that if he/she was healthy that we were willing to do this. Three weeks ago she had the child, a girl, and indeed it was taken from her in the hospital as she had tested positive for drugs. My ex-wife called me in tears in fact asking if there was anyway I could find it in my heart to take her child.

So the last three weeks my wife and I have been doing research, moving things around in our home, we bought some things, we did the Lifescan background check, had a home inspection, and started preparing our boys for the change. I've also spent hours on the phone with CPS workers. We were supposed to have her this week.

This morning I got a text message from my ex - "They are giving her back! I'm riding the bus down to go pick her up!". WTH??! Called the placement worker. Sure enough, the day before a decision was made that they were going to close the CPS case and return the infant.

We are pissed. My ex has a well documented history of substance abuse. Even she was suprised. Before I got custody of my boys she exposed them to abuse and neglect. She used drugs during her pregnancy. And she lives in a fackin' barn. Who's call was this? Who do they answer to? Is there some kind of a system of accountability for these people, or do they operate totally unchecked? I had to leave work early today, I was so agitated I was starting to think crazy thoughts. I had planned on drinking several pints of beer tonight, but now I'm just lost in thought so this is not technically a drunken post. Somebodies going to have to pay for this. I really hope it isn't an innocent child.

Do yourself & your family a big favour & wash your hands of the ***** & her spawn. You seem like a kindhearted guy who is trying to help someone, but it will be nothing but heartache added expenses for years on end. The crackwhore and/or her crack buddies will try to regain custody & then lose it again, she'll try to weasel $ out of you using the spawn as a leverage point...
Don't fall for it, leave them all to their own devices, as tough & cold as that may seem to you, I think you'll really be much better off by doing so.
Just my 2 cents worth. Regards, GF.

 

[bottlebomber]

Do yourself & your family a big favour & wash your hands of the ***** & her spawn. You seem like a kindhearted guy who is trying to help someone, but it will be nothing but heartache added expenses for years on end. The crackwhore and/or her crack buddies will try to regain custody & then lose it again, she'll try to weasel $ out of you using the spawn as a leverage point...
Don't fall for it, leave them all to their own devices, as tough & cold as that may seem to you, I think you'll really be much better off by doing so.
Just my 2 cents worth. Regards, GF.

I totally get where your coming from, and this is probably going to end up being my attitude on the matter. I am a nice guy who wants to help people if I can, but I've also been a lot of bad places in my life and understand the mentality completely. My wife and I were only willing to get involved in this if it was going to be a relatively cut and dry issue (as much as a California adoption could be). We're not giving anybody any money, and after a certain time frame we're not open for the adoption either, as the child is likely going to end up damaged fairly soon. At the moment though she is a healthy beautiful girl who looks just like my eldest son did at his age, and if we were able to help HER as a separate entity from her mother we were/are willing to do that.

As far as being a cold hearted bastard, I've had to make a lot of difficult choices in my life. Yeah, I know how to do that.