Funny things you've overheard about beer

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Cheesy_Goodness

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The hair in the drain does add some body to the final product...

To be fair I ferment in a shower. Plenty of room for my fermenters :mug:
 

cpl-america

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A coworker told me that a college roommate made mead in the bathtub once. I couldn't think of a single reason why this would be somebody's best option, other than volume. Sheer volume.

It's ok, college can go the 1 yr mead aging without a bath.
 

CavemanDom

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Imagine if he couldn't keep the dorm room over the summer... And, if you were the guy to get that room the next semester...

"there's this yellow stuff in the tub. Someone couldn't pee THAT much. Perhaps I'll taste it. Oh hey! It's mead"


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troy2000

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No, you are not the only one who doesn't care about ABV. I try to make my brews as accurate to a style as possible - if that's the intention. If I'm making it up as I go along with no guideline in mind, anything goes. Coworker asked why bother making a 4% beer, only thing I could think of was "to drink beer all day long and not be wrecked."
I care about ABV. The beer I want to sit down and unwind with after a twelve hour shift, before falling into bed for a few hours and starting over, isn't the same beer I want to quench my thirst with while doing yard work on a hot sunny day.

That's why I have two batches going right now instead of one; summer's on its way. :)
 

troy2000

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Imagine if he couldn't keep the dorm room over the summer... And, if you were the guy to get that room the next semester...

"there's this yellow stuff in the tub. Someone couldn't pee THAT much. Perhaps I'll taste it. Oh hey! It's mead"


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Sure... that's ALWAYS my first reaction when I find an unknown yellow substance in a bathtub: "perhaps I'll taste it." :D

Realistically, the odds are good the guy fermented mead in containers, in the bathtub. Maybe because he could use a water bath to control temperatures, or maybe because space is severely limited in dorm rooms.

Or maybe I'm full of it, and he was using the bathtub as a full-on brewing vat. Gotta admit that makes a better story...
 

Trippel-A

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Sure... that's ALWAYS my first reaction when I find an unknown yellow substance in a bathtub: "perhaps I'll taste it." :D

Realistically, the odds are good the guy fermented mead in containers, in the bathtub. Maybe because he could use a water bath to control temperatures, or maybe because space is severely limited in dorm rooms.

Or maybe I'm full of it, and he was using the bathtub as a full-on brewing vat. Gotta admit that makes a better story...

He was a she, actually, which I think also improves the story.
 

bleme

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Realistically, the odds are good the guy fermented mead in containers, in the bathtub. Maybe because he could use a water bath to control temperatures, or maybe because space is severely limited in dorm rooms.


And if a lid blows, it's always nice to have a drain nearby.
 

Zepth

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I care about ABV. The beer I want to sit down and unwind with after a twelve hour shift, before falling into bed for a few hours and starting over, isn't the same beer I want to quench my thirst with while doing yard work on a hot sunny day.

That's why I have two batches going right now instead of one; summer's on its way. :)
I should have been more clear originally. My employment has the "Start time 7AM, End time is when the job is finished" schedule leading to long days occasionally in the winter and often in the summer. I've got an IIPA kicking around for those days. Perhaps it should have been worded "ABV is not my primary goal."
 

JohnSand

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If I may suggest: You might be like many homebrewers. You are not necessarily seeking high ABV, but rather make beers to style. Good beer. I think that many beer drinkers believe that we make beer to get drunk faster, therefore it must have more alcohol. "ABV is not my primary goal" is quite right. While I have made some 8% beer, most are 4.5-6, no different from commercial craft beer, less than many IPAs.
 

NickTheGreat

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I care about ABV. The beer I want to sit down and unwind with after a twelve hour shift, before falling into bed for a few hours and starting over, isn't the same beer I want to quench my thirst with while doing yard work on a hot sunny day.

That's why I have two batches going right now instead of one; summer's on its way. :)

Maybe I shouldn't have said I don't care. But I've had people ask how you could make 20% ABV beers. And I'm not even opposed to that, either.

But I'm an engineer and value efficiency. If your goal is to get s**tfaced as fast as possible, beer isn't the best option. :cross:
 

troy2000

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Maybe I shouldn't have said I don't care. But I've had people ask how you could make 20% ABV beers. And I'm not even opposed to that, either.

But I'm an engineer and value efficiency. If your goal is to get s**tfaced as fast as possible, beer isn't the best option. :cross:

Occasionally I do have that goal, and I agree: it isn't what I make beer for. I keep a bottle of decent bourbon handy for that....

Just a decent one, though. No sense wasting the good stuff. :)
 

DLR1987

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I got a phone call at the LHBS yesterday. It sounded like the gentleman on the other line had been drinking, but I don't know for sure.

Caller: "Hey so I was given half a keg of amber bock from a friend. Is it safe to drink? My buddy said the keg is 6 YEARS old but it still smells really hoppy."

I was at a loss for words.

Me: "Does it taste or smell sour or like vinegar?"

Caller: "No it smells and tastes REALLY hoppy."

Me: "Drink away."

Keep in mind the taproom side was busy at the LHBS so I couldn't stay on the phone, but either way the caller kept repeating the same few sentences and it turned into a 10 minute conversation. I really was at a loss for words.


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speeddemon190

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Occasionally I do have that goal, and I agree: it isn't what I make beer for. I keep a bottle of decent bourbon handy for that....

Just a decent one, though. No sense wasting the good stuff. :)

When thats my goal I usually mix, I will grab a 6 pack of my favorite beer and a fifth of something and take shots inbetween the beers. best of both worlds...drunk and good tasting beer
 

DLR1987

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Sounds like me. Drink. Dribk. drunk. Yeah that's it!!


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Zepth

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Apparently it isn't magic how to open a malt bag.
Edit: Whoa, that just kinda popped right into the thread instead of being a link. I'll roll with it. Sorry if it wrecks your day.
[ame]http://vimeo.com/32957183[/ame]
 

TheCanisDirus

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I'm wondering how great their efficiency is with whole grains into the mash tun or was that the entrance to their special mill with the fancy lids on it?:cross:

Haha i was going to say something along those lines! He dumps the whole grains in as they spill everywhere and i'm thinking... "I bet there are a few out there actually doing this!" lol
 

Zepth

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^^^ Do people really have trouble opening grain sacks? I never though it was that complicated lol.

I always assumed it was like dog food bags; if you have trouble, try the other end.

The very first bag I opened gave me some grief. Ended up pulling the loops instead of the magic thread about long enough to get a 4" spout on the end of the bag and used that. Attempt 2 and beyond have been perfect.
 

troy2000

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I always assumed it was like dog food bags; if you have trouble, try the other end.


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Dog... other end... I feel a thread derailmant coming on. It reminds me of the old joke about the blind guy whose dog leads him right in front of a car. The driver jams on his brakes and comes to a screeching halt; the blind guy scrambles back onto the sidewalk; he digs out a Milkbone and says, "here boy, here boy..."

A passerby says, "that dog almost got you killed. Why are you rewarding him?" And the blind guy says, "I'm not rewarding him. I'm finding out which end his head is on, so I can stuff my foot up the other end."
 

SudsyPaul

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I open most bags the same way: pull out pocket knife, slice bag, put pocket knife back.

Magic threads work too though I guess

I don't believe in magic... I believe in my knife, too, though.

I don't have any patience to speak of, and since I dump the grain into buckets when I get them, I don't care about slicing the top off. It's all just trash afterwards, anyway.
 

SudsyPaul

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LOL - yeah, I've seen those made with other types of bags, too. Definitely a hipster item.

That being said... that "23 things homebrewers hate" list, the only thing on that list that's ever irritated me is something I've heard almost exclusively from hipsters: "I think beer is something left to the pros". WTF? The whole hipster subculture is about homemade/artisinal stuff. People can definitely make bad homebrew, but they can make bad bread, jam, jewelry, etc...

Also, I hate hipsters. Most of my friends say I'm a hipster, however, I barely qualify. I just like artisinal stuff and genuinely like nerdy/geeky things that aren't in the standard social norm.

Eff you hipsters for existing and making people think I'm one of you.
 

Hopinista

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LOL - yeah, I've seen those made with other types of bags, too. Definitely a hipster item.

That being said... that "23 things homebrewers hate" list, the only thing on that list that's ever irritated me is something I've heard almost exclusively from hipsters: "I think beer is something left to the pros". WTF? The whole hipster subculture is about homemade/artisinal stuff. People can definitely make bad homebrew, but they can make bad bread, jam, jewelry, etc...

Also, I hate hipsters. Most of my friends say I'm a hipster, however, I barely qualify. I just like artisinal stuff and genuinely like nerdy/geeky things that aren't in the standard social norm.

Eff you hipsters for existing and making people think I'm one of you.

So...

You were a Hipster, before it was cool?

;)
 

SudsyPaul

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So...

You were a Hipster, before it was cool?

;)

LOL - I get that all the time.

I was what I am before "hipster" came around, and I'll remain what I am well after "hipster" has faded.

The only qualifier I see for a hipster is to like stuff ironically and to constantly try to one-up other hipsters. That sounds like a lot of work, which I'm not ok with. I'm insanely lazy and non-competitive (outside of formal competitions), so I would make a terrible hipster at a hipster party.
 

Trippel-A

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LOL - I get that all the time.

I was what I am before "hipster" came around, and I'll remain what I am well after "hipster" has faded.

The only qualifier I see for a hipster is to like stuff ironically and to constantly try to one-up other hipsters. That sounds like a lot of work, which I'm not ok with. I'm insanely lazy and non-competitive (outside of formal competitions), so I would make a terrible hipster at a hipster party.

One of my brew buddies is a hipster, but less about the irony. He definitely likes to know more than everyone else about music, and he likes to smoke a pipe and wear the kind of hat that used to be hipster attire before Mad Men brought such things into the mainstream. Still, he really loves what he obsesses about (music, food, beer). So it's cool.
 

mmlipps

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I was informed that a stout is not a type of beer, a stout is just an unfinished draught. Guinness is a draught beer not a stout. There are lagers, ales, and draughts! Wow! He had so much confidence but was oh so wrong.


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Trippel-A

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I was informed that a stout is not a type of beer, a stout is just an unfinished draught. Guinness is a draught beer not a stout. There are lagers, ales, and draughts! Wow! He had so much confidence but was oh so wrong.


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Sounds like the kind of jank they might try to tell the tourists at the Guinness brewery.
 

BeerGrylls

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I was informed that a stout is not a type of beer, a stout is just an unfinished draught. Guinness is a draught beer not a stout. There are lagers, ales, and draughts! Wow! He had so much confidence but was oh so wrong.


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Well actually..





That guy's an idiot.
 
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