From a porch, comes a barrel?

[ismellweird]

Hi everyone, I'm done replacing the boards on my porch, and I have 3 things left over from the project: Wood, bourbon and a recipe for my cupcake stout. Exactly, a bourbon barrel aged stout, so why invent the wheel when I've already got what I need to just make it. Can someone please outline or point me to the steps for building a barrel? Not a huge rush as I won't do it until Friday afternoon after work.

mell

 

[fourfarthing]

YES, He is back!

OK. The first thing you do is sharpen a plank. Then you need to sit on it, with the pointy end up. That part is extremely important.

 

[thekraken]

My spider sense is telling me this project might be a little ambitious...

 

[Lefou]

Barrels can be purchased.

That being said, I'm going dark now.

 

[lump42]

Wouldn't use pressure treated wood,stained, varnished, or any dimensional construction lumber. White oak is traditionally used in the US. Red oak is too porous and the liquid will continue to leak through the wood.

It actually is coopering is a difficult skilled trade and won't be mastered or learned in a weekend. Take the excess lumber and build a brew shed or raised garden beds for hops instead.

 

[ismellweird]

Wouldn't use pressure treated wood,stained, varnished, or any dimensional construction lumber. White oak is traditionally used in the US. Red oak is too porous and the liquid will continue to leak through the wood.

It actually is coopering is a difficult skilled trade and won't be mastered or learned in a weekend. Take the excess lumber and build a brew shed or raised garden beds for hops instead.

I've tried gardening and growing hops and it's quite complicated to do it correctly. All I'm looking to do is to create a simple wooden vessel that can hold beer with no air inside, maybe it's wrong to call it a "barrel". The video you sent me makes me think a barrel isn't what I want.

 

[Lefou]

Pressure-treated wood for outdoor is sometimes preserved with arsenic compounds. I wouldn't chance it, but that's me.
Don't say you weren't warned.

Now I'm really outta here.

 

[lump42]

I've tried gardening and growing hops and it's quite complicated to do it correctly. All I'm looking to do is to create a simple wooden vessel that can hold beer with no air inside, maybe it's wrong to call it a "barrel". The video you sent me makes me think a barrel isn't what I want.

Complicated all depends on your viewpoint. I find gardening simpler and less complicated than brewing. Stick the plant in the ground, water when the soil is dry, plants do the rest. You could also give vegetable gardening a shot. Most are annuals so any mistakrs are wipe vlean the next year.

All wooden vessels are going to allow air inside. Wood is poorous and will allow water vapor (angel's share) out, and oxygen in. If you want complete oxygen barrier container, it will need to be glass or steel.

You still wouldn't want to use old deck wood. It is likely preserved with chemicals. Also, likely pine, which is not typical wood to make a water tight barrel.

 

[Jayjay1976]

Just build yerself a coffin with that pressure-treated lumber, drain the beer straight from your swirly twirly toilet kettle into it, and then jam yer cupcake in there. Bingo-bango, you gotchyerself a flagship beer and a ticket to easy-street.

 

[fourfarthing]

Guys. Please stop wasting your brain power. This guy is a ****ing troll.

 

[Yooper]

I've tried gardening and growing hops and it's quite complicated to do it correctly. All I'm looking to do is to create a simple wooden vessel that can hold beer with no air inside, maybe it's wrong to call it a "barrel". The video you sent me makes me think a barrel isn't what I want.

Growing hops is simple- even my four year old grandson does it. Gardening is a bit harder- my 7 year old grandson does that.

making a barrel, or wooden vessel that allows little air inside, is a job for a cooper.

 

[madscientist451]

Take the boards from your porch, build a bonfire and drink a few beers as it burns. You can roast some weenies/marshmallows if desired. Don't drink all your bourbon, you'll need it.

The next day, go to your local store and get some Jack Daniels brand barrel chips, they are made from chopped up whiskey barrels and are for smoking meat. If you have a scale, weigh out about 1.5 oz and see how much space in a measuring cup they take up for future reference. Then, put some of the chips in a mason jar with some bourbon and let it sit while you brew a stout and let it ferment. Transfer the beer to secondary and add 1.5 oz of chips for about 5 gallons. Taste it every few days to see how its coming along. Doing it this way, you can get the bourbon barrel effect without a barrel.
When you go to keg it or bottle, you can add some more bourbon from the jar w/chips to bump up the taste if it needs it.

 

[Jayjay1976]

This new thread has me so excited that my jubblies are tingling.

 

[Lefou]

This new thread has me so excited that my jubblies are tingling.

Masturbating with a stun gun isn't my idea of fun but I won't mind watching.

 

[Jayjay1976]

Masturbating with a stun gun isn't my idea of fun but I won't mind watching.

Oh yesssss....

 

[fourfarthing]

Growing hops is simple- even my four year old grandson does it. Gardening is a bit harder- my 7 year old grandson does that.

making a barrel, or wooden vessel that allows little air inside, is a job for a cooper.

A cooper. Not a yooper.

 

[ismellweird]

Hi guys, just looking for instructions on how to make a water tight box or vessel for the beer, ideally by friday at 3. No trolling just a question. Thanks!

 

[shoengine]

Boxes are for juice and wine. Philistine.

 

[November]

Too bad you aren't building it from a torn down outhouse. That would really just bring this whole thing full circle.

 

[lump42]

Hi guys, just looking for instructions on how to make a water tight box or vessel for the beer, ideally by friday at 3. No trolling just a question. Thanks!

Making a water tight wooden vessel suitable for storing beer should probably not be your first foray into fine woodworking. Like I mentioned before coopers spend years in a apprenticeship to master the craft. Thinking you can follow some directions and master it by Friday is not only unrealistic but also disrespectful to coopers. Your better off buying a fee kegs or glass carboys.

** Helpful unsolicited advice*** If your not trolling, don't engage in the **** and take the advice given. (i.e., see my previous posts)

 

[V-Fib]

If you can cut the boards to make tongue and groove joints, maybe add some food safe wax to the seams to help seal them. Assemble in a box to the size you need. Hope you have the right wood and didn't either have all your beer leak out or make a beer that is more toxic then our already nectar of the gods.

 

[ancientmariner52]

Just build a boat. Then turn it inside out. There ya go.

 

[Calaeb]

Was just wondering if he was going to make a return, he didn't disappoint.

 

[Jayjay1976]

WTF makes you think that random deck boards from Gomer's lumber emporium will do anything to improve your stout? WTF makes you think you can knock up a beer-tight vessel on your first try, on a Friday afternoon? All of this; the brewing, the cooperage, the successful marketing of beer, etc., are professions unto themselves, and not likely to be mastered on the first try by a butt-dialing troglodyte and his mentally-deficient assistant. Buy some oak barrel staves, toast them over a flame, and add them to your "big-time" inherited fermenters.

I thought your beer would give me the $hits, turns out your posts do.

Edit: Oh sweet glory, it's great to be back!

 

[homebrewer_99]

A cooper. Not a yooper.

Cooper Yooper must be a newer brewer...(see what I did there? Twice?)...

 

[treacheroustexan]

Step #1 to running your own brewery is knowing how to build a barrel. Ask all the greats.

 

[fizzix]

I came here for the beer, but stayed for the floor show.

 

[Boomer]

Ask Kato Kaelin - dude is a mad cooper.

 

[applescrap]

[QUOTE=" The video you sent me, makes me think there is no way I can do this.[/QUOTE]


Ftfy


Just to be clear we are talking about the used floor boards, right?

 

[divrack]

Hi everyone, I'm done replacing the boards on my porch, and I have 3 things left over from the project: Wood, bourbon and a recipe for my cupcake stout. Exactly, a bourbon barrel aged stout, so why invent the wheel when I've already got what I need to just make it. Can someone please outline or point me to the steps for building a barrel? Not a huge rush as I won't do it until Friday afternoon after work.

mell

It's actually dead easy. Just get a bucket and stick the boards in it using your head as a mould to hold them in place around the edges and then get someone to put in melted wax or tar until it sets. There you have your barrel and you can also use it as a helmet for historical reenactments and the like as it will be ergonomic as ****.

 

[ismellweird]

Making a water tight wooden vessel suitable for storing beer should probably not be your first foray into fine woodworking. Like I mentioned before coopers spend years in a apprenticeship to master the craft. Thinking you can follow some directions and master it by Friday is not only unrealistic but also disrespectful to coopers. Your better off buying a fee kegs or glass carboys.

** Helpful unsolicited advice*** If your not trolling, don't engage in the poopy and take the advice given. (i.e., see my previous posts)

I think I've seen coopers post on here and I've really meant no disrespect to him and I'm not foraying into fine woodworking, just trying to make a barrel. It doesn't have to look nice and I won't pretend I know anything about the trade, but maybe if I try once and make mistakes that's how someone learns a new skill for the future. I guess that's really all I was trying to ask, sorry to cause the distress, I'm not the best communicator on here.

 

[ismellweird]

[QUOTE=" The video you sent me, makes me think there is no way I can do this.

Ftfy


Just to be clear we are talking about the used floor boards, right?[/QUOTE]

No, I'm talking about the fire and conveyor belts and I don't have that sort of operation to make barrels like that. If I knew a guy like coopers in real life I'd just use his equipment but I'm on my own with simple materials so I was saying there was no way I could do what's being done in that video!! I'm glad I saw it.

 

[Br3w4u]

You better not be talking trash on Cooper! He is a bad mother lover!

 

[Br3w4u]

If you can’t make fire and conveyor belts then you might as well give up now. That’s basic knowledge for most people.

 

[lump42]

It's actually dead easy. Just get a bucket and stick the boards in it using your head as a mould to hold them in place around the edges and then get someone to put in melted wax or tar until it sets. There you have your barrel and you can also use it as a helmet for historical reenactments and the like as it will be ergonomic as poopy.

If you coat the inside with wax, why not skip the hassle and put it directly in the bucket? You just trading one group of hydrocarbons for another.

 

[lump42]

I think I've seen coopers post on here and I've really meant no disrespect to him and I'm not foraying into fine woodworking, just trying to make a barrel. It doesn't have to look nice and I won't pretend I know anything about the trade, but maybe if I try once and make mistakes that's how someone learns a new skill for the future. I guess that's really all I was trying to ask, sorry to cause the distress, I'm not the best communicator on here.

The fact that you want to make a barrel is not disrespectful. The haste at which you are wanting to learn and make a water tight barrel of quality to store beer is what comes off as disrespect to craft. If you are going to use the scrap lumber from the deck and begin teaching yourself how to build a barrel, I think that is a great and resourceful use of materials. Just know it will look awful and won't be water tight, like everyone's first batch of beer may have been drinkable but wasn't spectacular.

You might want to want to take these and other mistakes and try to learn from them. If you have a history of being a poor communicator through written language and have made no attempts to improve, you can only expect to get the same unuseful comments from others on here.

Here's a more in depth video:

 

[Manufacturedevolution]

You better not be talking trash on Cooper! He is a bad mother lover!

 

[Br3w4u]

Hi guys, just looking for instructions on how to make a water tight box or vessel for the beer, ideally by friday at 3. No trolling just a question. Thanks!

Why Friday at 3? Is that the screening for the new Kato lookalike movie?

 

[baldm79]

Hi everyone, I'm done replacing the boards on my porch, and I have 3 things left over from the project: Wood, bourbon and a recipe for my cupcake stout. Exactly, a bourbon barrel aged stout, so why invent the wheel when I've already got what I need to just make it. Can someone please outline or point me to the steps for building a barrel? Not a huge rush as I won't do it until Friday afternoon after work.

mell

If you’re serious, buy a barrel. It can be used multiple times if handled properly.
If you just feel like playing with wood, there’s plenty of easier ways to do that...

 

[ismellweird]

The fact that you want to make a barrel is not disrespectful. The haste at which you are wanting to learn and make a water tight barrel of quality to store beer is what comes off as disrespect to craft. If you are going to use the scrap lumber from the deck and begin teaching yourself how to build a barrel, I think that is a great and resourceful use of materials. Just know it will look awful and won't be water tight, like everyone's first batch of beer may have been drinkable but wasn't spectacular.

You might want to want to take these and other mistakes and try to learn from them. If you have a history of being a poor communicator through written language and have made no attempts to improve, you can only expect to get the same unuseful comments from others on here.

Again I am sorry, I don't mean to be disrespectful. I was thinking more, it's not disrepectful to brewers when we try to brew at home for the first time and have boil overs on the sink or suck back and ruin perfectly good wort or equipment. If I tried to build a table with this wood I would hope it's not disrespectful to carpenters, I don't mean it to be. Maybe it would fall the first time I sat on it. We have to learn and encourage each other through the mistakes that hold many of us back from even trying. If there are step-by-step instructions I'd be willing to give it a shot. Maybe 90% leaks out, well I have 10% good beer and then I learn where it went wrong and I try again. Again I'm not looking for perfection just want a simple barrel that can hold beer. Or if I was in the middle of doing black Smith and someone laughed at me, no I would keep banging away. Maybe I can't get it to work, but I want to try even if others say it should be hard. Sort of my personality but I understand nobody knows my personality here, I am still new.

Anyway, sorry for all the typing! Wow that took a while. Just wanted to be clear and let everyone know respecfully that I'm looking to start very simple with just a very amateur barrel, I will porobably be bad at it, I know. Or maybe!