Dealing with Telemarketers

[Orpheus]

If this is indeed real, I've got to try this one day:

http://www.funnynewswire.com/wordpress/?p=51

 

[Yuri_Rage]

I'm not allowed to answer the phone anymore when it says "Unknown Caller." Here's why:

Regardless of what the telemarketer says, I repeat one word or phrase incessantly, like, "No," or, "Thank you," or, "My dog's nuts are HUGE!"

OR

"Sure, I'm VERY interested. If you'll just give me your name, address, and home phone number, I'd be happy to call you back during dinner at YOUR house to discuss this matter further."

OR

"Actually, I've got a deal for you! I've got four used snow tires in my garage just begging for an owner. I'm asking four easy payments of $25 plus shipping, or you can pick them up at your discretion. You already have my name and number."

OR

"I'm with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I'm willing to give you the offer of your lifetime: SALVATION! Have you read the Book of Mormon? Do you know there's a newer testament to the Bible? Well, if you'll just give me a few moments of your time..."

Apologies to the Mormons...it's just too easy to pick on you guys sometimes...

 

[rdwj]

That's a pretty good one. Sometimes I just say random things that don't make any sense. One of the funnier things you can do it repeat everything they say in the form of a question.

Usually, I just say take me off you list and hang up. I've noticed that I don't get too many calls now that my number is unlisted

 

[dibby33]

I let my 2 year old daughter speak to them.
...maybe that is why she has an indian accent. I was wondering how she got that. My Scottish accent throws them a beauty - I ham it up and they don't have a clue and just repeat the same sentence over and over again. F 'em.

 

[Cheesefood]

I tell them to e-mail or phone-mail me a picture of their naughty parts before I'll proceed. The way I figure it, if they send the picture they deserve to make their pitch.

 

[Ize]

I am a fan of the ones that call for my wife with her maiden name. We've been married almost 4 years but we still get em'. I never tell them wrong number, I just sit on the line and keep answering "nope, she's not here, no-one here by that name, etc". They don't think to just ask for her by her first name, they just keep going for first and last, and as soon as I hear that, (or however they've butchered the pronunciation of her maiden name) it's just "nope, no-one here by that name." They eventually give up.

Courtesy of Caller ID, the ones that call repeatedly I usually let her have. She tears them a new orifice for calling 6 times in one day, I laff hysterically and then tell the 2 year old not to use language like mommy.

Ize

 

[Hopfan]

"My dog's nuts are HUGE!"

Laughed out loud on that one!! I used to let my son (2 at the time) speak to them. That was before the national "DO Not Call Registry". Thank "Brew Assassins moldy wort" for that piece of legislation.

 

[Cheesefood]

Actually, SWMBO and I don't have a landline. We use only out cell phones and telemarketers aren't allowed to call cell phones, so we never get them any more.

 

[Desert_Sky]

I love talking to them. Especially after Ive been drinking. Ill just talk to hear myself talk, while they are trying to talk over me with their little spiel. Its funny, no matter what you say, they keep on trucking through their speech

 

[david_42]

My only score on a telemarketer was:

"Does your mother know what you do for a living?"

"No" ... click

 

[todd_k]

I miss the Bob and Tom show...

 

[mmm beer]

Just keep asking them to repeat themselves over and over,"pardon me,can you repeat that, I didnt quite hear you." Its to fun to hear them get more pissed at me than I am at them for disturbing me. And sometimes I dont even have to fake it , who woulld give a person a telemarketing job who speaks about as much english as I speak swahili.

 

[Yuri_Rage]

who woulld give a person a telemarketing job who speaks about as much english as I speak swahili.

The straw that broke the camel's back over me not being allowed to talk to telemarketers anymore was when I was overheard saying, "If you want to sell me something, please learn to speak English first."

I swear the guy kept asking me if I was a "meat keeper." I suppose I am, in a manner of speaking, but that's not something I'm going to discuss with some random idiot on the telephone...

 

[todd_k]

why don't you just sign up for the national do not call registry? You still get charities and cops calling for money but it's not as bad.

 

[Yuri_Rage]

why don't you just sign up for the national do not call registry? You still get charities and cops calling for money but it's not as bad.

I did. I still get the occasional call.

 

[Desert_Sky]

next time they call pull this up and hold the phone up to the computer

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/2006/07/homer.html

 

[the_bird]

I did. I still get the occasional call.

Do your damndest to collect their information, then remind them that it's an $11,000 per call fine. The DNC list is *not* something for telemarketers to mess around with. My wife put us on the list a while ago, now the only calls we get are from the MA Police Federation (yelled that THEM last time, because they didn't believe my wife when she told them that I had *just* given them money a few weeks prior).

 

[alemonkey]

A lot of those cop charities are scams, too. My wife used to work at the newspaper selling help wanted ads, and one of her customers was a telemarketing company that specialized in police fundraisers. Trouble was, they weren't actually affiliated with any police organization. They kept the vast majority of the money and donated a very small percentage to charities just to stay somewhat legal.

The ironic thing was that they hired a lot of guys on work release from prison.

 

[Orpheus]

A lot of those cop charities are scams, too. My wife used to work at the newspaper selling help wanted ads, and one of her customers was a telemarketing company that specialized in police fundraisers. Trouble was, they weren't actually affiliated with any police organization. They kept the vast majority of the money and donated a very small percentage to charities just to stay somewhat legal.

The ironic thing was that they hired a lot of guys on work release from prison.

I've found these guys to be dodgy too. Once they called with their police spiel. I told them that I never conduct business over the phone, unless it is initiated by me. Then I said, if they wanted to mail me something so that I could look it over and verify it as a legitimate charity, I might consider it. Two weeks later I got a bill from them in the mail. I promptly tore it up and now refuse to even speak to them when they call.

 

[dantodd]

I always just say I'm not interested. We are on the do not call list but there are loopholes. If they don't get it at first I just set the phone down on the table and wait until I hear the loud honking sound of a disconnected phone line. It's amazing how long they'll talk to themselves sometimes. I figure wasting their time and their company's money is the best treatment.

 

[Klainmeister]

This has and probably will happen to me many times more. I always answer and speak German or Bavarian depending on if i was drinking and each time they always respond with something like: "I don't speak no Goddamn Chinese!" and hang up.

Chinese!?!

 

[dancingbarefoot]

I just say I'm not interested, but if they get really persistent, I start speaking Swedish to them. Confuses the hell out of them and they eventually get exasperated and hang up.

 

[david_42]

Two of the most annoying loopholes: politicians, wanna-bes & their committees are not only exempt from the do-not-call list, they are also exempt from using robocallers.

 

[dantodd]

Naturally, do you really think that politicians would make rules that also apply to themselves?