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Dextersmom

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Ever wake up in the morning already tense because you didn't sleep well due to the stress of the previous work day and anxiety over the coming work day? Ever wake up fearing the commute and how much later you'll have to stay at work depending on how late you get to work? Ever get to work already stressed and then have to deal with an uneducated supervisor that simply spews out the corporate hogwash that her supervisor spews to her without much if any sincerity or respect for who you are and what you can bring to the department? Constantly having your ideas shot down because they're not the ones your supervisor came up with, having to deal with fellow employees that take 22 explanations to understand something and still don't fully get it, while it only takes you 1 and yet when you mess up 1 in probably 50 you get the hammer brought down on you. 1 in 50 when your fellow employees are only doing a fraction of the work you're doing...oh but they don't mess up "quality over quantity." well mine is quality ******* i just made a small mistake most likely a typo.

Ever wake up feeling like there is no control? Can't go back to school for more education because you really don't know what will make you happy to be doing. Can't interview for new employment because you're either drastically under or over quallified for the positions. Don't want to revert to the food service way of life. Been jealous of everyone else who seems to easily slip into such great opportunities, or enjoy being a grey corporate drone for the machine.

I just don't get it. People tell me..." go into business for yourself...you'll love it." well to do that you need money....i don't care what they say about loans...you still need a good chunk before you can even think about doing that....how do you get that money...well you waste away the best portion of your healthy years trying to come up with it...then when you finally do you're too tired of it all and decide to retire or worse.

I wish i knew what to do here....i've been sick of my employment for a little over a year now, interviewing on and off. getting jobs that are below my skill level and not getting ones that are slightly above or right in my "wheelhouse." at this pace i'm going to have a nervous break-down before i reach 30....be committed to a psych ward and only allowed to play with finger paints for the rest of my years.....I need a break, a window, an opportunity...something damnit!


ugh sorry for the rant, thanks for listening, i'm sure i'm not the only one to go through this...any suggestion or advice if anyone has gone through this before?
 

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Dextersmom said:
Ever wake up feeling like there is no control? Can't go back to school for more education because you really don't know what will make you happy to be doing. Can't interview for new employment because you're either drastically under or over quallified for the positions. Don't want to revert to the food service way of life. Been jealous of everyone else who seems to easily slip into such great opportunities, or enjoy being a grey corporate drone for the machine.
You. Have. No. Idea, my friend. I started this week of with the worst case of the Mondays ever.

The thing that helps me through my day is simply not caring. It sounds stupid and juvenille, but I find that if you don't put alot of yourself into a job you hate, it won't follow you home. I used to worry about things I would have to do tomorrow, but it really isn't worth it. I was giving myself the Mr. Fantastic hairdo (read grey at the temples) at the age of 25. It really isn't worth it to harbor such greif and anxiety.

The best advice i ever got about this sort of thing was, "Sometimes you just have to say F*CK!" (I guess it only made sense to me at the time, but try it out.)

or

Get druck and watch Office Space
 
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Dextersmom

Dextersmom

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thats what i forgot to mention...i basically live office space....i spend most of my day on this forum...I can tell you that i've learned more about beer in the past two months than i have about anything ever in my life.....

i tried not caring and to an extent it helps....but i think the huge kicker is i chose a poor career path in college and in order to rectify it i'd need to go back.. but i'd need to know what i'd want to do which i do not.

blech
 

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You're not alone man. Do not let it lead you to break down. Stress kills and life's too short to let work drive you crazy!
 

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My last 2 years of Active duty Air Force.

I was not allowed to work, I had to watch the Airmen do the work. WTH? They were working 12 hr shifts for no reason. I was working 9s for no reason. I deployed several times only to come back to the same crap, working next to civillians making 5 times what I am. All the while unable to trust my boss wont completely screw me over every chance he gets.
 
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Dextersmom

Dextersmom

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ugh i try not to....thats why i picked up this awesome hobby....

and why the hell do they show that movie on sunday nights? wtf?
 

z987k

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I am fairly optimistic that my field of work won't lead me to that. If it does, I will go another route. If I don't enjoy what I am doing I can't do it for any extended period of time. The way I see it is if everything sucks so bad, and since I don't think money is everything, I can always quit and become a ski bum at my favorite resort :rolleyes: (nice to have a backup plan eh?)
 
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Dextersmom

Dextersmom

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z987k said:
I am fairly optimistic that my field of work won't lead me to that. If it does, I will go another route. If I don't enjoy what I am doing I can't do it for any extended period of time. The way I see it is if everything sucks so bad, and since I don't think money is everything, I can always quit and become a ski bum at my favorite resort :rolleyes: (nice to have a backup plan eh?)

money isn't everything but i'd like to own a house with a yard rather than thrown my money way by renting....i mean there are things i can do instead..but they won't pay my bills, and they will run my life, not that my life isn't being run by fear and anxiety right now....god i need a beer lol. maybe thats my problem...i stopped drinking during the week a year ago...perhaps i should pick it up again.
 

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Dextersmom said:
... but i'd need to know what i'd want to do which i do not.
No, you don't need to know what you want to do with the rest of your life in order to make a change now.

Waiting until you "feel ready" or have an extra college degree or whatever is procrastination thinking.

Inertia is hard to overcome, but if you want change in your life you have to be the one to make it happen.

This idea we Americans have, that we should all have a grand plan for our lives and know what we want to be is just bullsh!t, IMO. It leads to a lot of stress and unhappiness.

The important thing is just to find something better than what you have now. It doesn't have to be perfect, just better. Simply making a change can open up opportunities you never knew existed before.
 

cubbies

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That is some very insightful and good advice Beerthoven. I agree completely.

You certainly don't have to know what you want to do to go back to college. More than likely, you are going to have to take some elective classes anyway. Start taking those now, talk to people in your class, see what they do, see what they are majoring in and maybe something will pique your interest.

Good luck man, I hope it all works out for you.
 

Beerthoven

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Dextersmom said:
+1 yeah good call Beerthoven
I understand what you are saying about your current job. I've been having a rough time at my work for a while now, and I've seriously contemplated looking for something else, so I empathise with your situation.

Change is hard. We never have complete information. The best we can do is make an educated guess and hope for the best. Best of luck to you. And no matter what happens, don't stop brewing!
 

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I was always ready to find a new job if the old one took a turn for the worse and they almost always do. Being willing to cut your losses and move is one of the keys to maintain your sanity long-term. So, I'd start looking around.

By the way, sinking your life & life savings into a business doesn't make for a low-stress job. In fact, it's probably the most stressful thing I've ever done. If things don't work out, it won't be a matter of getting a new job someplace else. I'll be trying to get back into a job market with skills are 3-4 years out of date AND have to move AND over-come being 20 years older than most of the people in the field.
 

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Beerthoven said:
This idea we Americans have, that we should all have a grand plan for our lives and know what we want to be is just bullsh!t, IMO. It leads to a lot of stress and unhappiness.
I went back to school (having spent only around a semester at NCU prior) when I was 23, married and with a child (second child was born in my last year of school) for 5 years, earning a degree in EE and a degree in Physics. It was a lot of work, and a lot of pressure. I am better off now, because at least I chose the path rather than dragging through. Now I am better off (I wouldn't say happy) than I was, at least I have that education which cannot be taken away.

You know what though, I still don't know what I wanna be when I grow up :D. If I make up the list of positions I have held (never once been fired, always moved on, always been asked how they could make me stay) it is crazy. So I completely concur. However, I have come to realize it really is just the change of scenery that helps. Truth is, you'll never find the 'perfect job', but what you can find is the peace of mind knowing that you are making the decisions (or at least more of them :D).

I'll add, I did literally just roll out of bed one day and said "I think I'll go be an EE". Even though at that time Mathematics was probably my least developed skill set. You just have to be willing and yield yourself to change.
 

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Dextersmom, I can relate. Two and a half years ago I started my first job out of college. At first I loved it. Lots of variety in the work. Some days I'd be doing field work outside, other days I'd be inside. But then about a year ago things changed. I started getting pigeon holed with the same type of work, mostly just sitting in front of a computer writing what I considered to be meaningless reports. Completely and utterly unfullfilling. Around the same time I began having trouble sleeping. I would dread going to work the next day. I couldn't stay focused while I was there (partially due to the lack of sleep). I saw a doctor and got a prescription for sleeping pills. It didn't help. I knew that I didn't want to spend my life doing this type of work, but I couldn't find any other jobs that appealed to me that I was qualified for. I thought that if I could just figure out what I wanted for a dream job, then I'd go back to school and get the education I needed to pursue it. But I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do. Man, I was in a bad place. Stress and lack of sleep led to the beginning stages of depression and I knew I had to make a change. So on a Monday morning I walked into our office managers room and told him I was giving him my resignation notice. He asked why and whether I had something else lined up. I briefly explained my situation and told him that I didn't have anything lined up, but that I just needed to try something new. He asked if I would be willing to stay if they gave me other types of work that I preferred doing. I said I'd consider it. Later in the day I sat down with the principles in our office and discussed my situation. They were all so cool and understanding. They even offered to let me take a paid month off of medical leave for my sleeping problem if I thought that would help. In the end we decided I'd stay for a couple weeks and then we'd see if things improved. They gave me field assignments again that I enjoyed. Its been 6 months and I'm still there. My stress is low, I'm sleeping better, and I am happier. I doubt I'll be with the company forever, but right now I'm in a much better place. Looking back, there was probably a more tactful way I could have broached my unhappiness to my superiors, but I have no regrets. At the time I was 100% sure I needed a change and a change is what I got. I hope you are able to do the same. Life is too short to be unhappy with a job. Good luck.
 

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I was in the same spot as you are now about 1-1/2 ago. I dreaded my job and commute everyday. Whether it was worrying about taking the blame for a mistake someone else made, dealing with the idiots I worked with/for or counting the minutes until I could leave, I hated everything about it. My main goal everyday was to avoid as much hassel or contact with anyone as I could. And, you know, it really showed. I took out my frustrations on my family and was generally just an overall jerk.

A day came when I was fired and it was perhaps one of the best days of my professional career. A great weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was able to stay home with my wife and son when my second son was born and slid effortlessly into a new postion I enjoy (not love but like). I sleep better, easier to get-along with and make more money (though not as much as I'd like).

Seriously, you're young, don't appear to have any significant obligations (wife, kids, house, etc.) and have the motivation to do it. Now, is the time you should be taking those chances. I'm not saying you should quit you job and go into the wonderful world of underwater basket-weaving, but taking night classes towards a second degree or masters isn't too tough. Move onto a different position ... don't worry about being underqualified, let the person hiring you decide that. You'd be amazed at how much some people would rather have some one young and train them than someone with 20 yrs experience. Maybe delve more into your current field. Join professional organizations for what you do, network with others in your area and field.

The hardest part, is taking that first step to make the change. Check out the local community college for course in other areas that you might enjoy and sign up. It's cheap and an easy way to start.

You should remember this ... while it would be nice if your job was your fantasy job and everyday was a new miracle, but don't expect it. For most peIt ain't called work cause it's fun and exciting. If it was, it'd be called fun instead of work. You should find something that pays your bills and provides the financial security you need and doesn't make you want to kill yourself everyday you go to it.
 

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Beerthoven said:
The important thing is just to find something better than what you have now. It doesn't have to be perfect, just better. Simply making a change can open up opportunities you never knew existed before.
The best advice offered in this thread. If you're that miserable at work, go find something, ANYTHING that will make you happier.

You are probably not going to be able to jump right into something that makes you get out of bed and look forward to going to work everyday, but you CAN find something that you hate less than your current job. :D
 

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I have found the grass is never really greener. I have consistently seen the brown nosers and backstabbers get to the front of the line in the military and beyond. Its always a shame when the weasel gets promoted and the guy you truly look up to and respect gets pushed into the gutter.

If you can keep an upbeat attitude at work (even though its hard) and watch out for number 1 and those you can trust, you will be fine. Remember, after the 8hrs or whatever at work you can get in your car and drive away. Leave the stress there and RDWHAHB!
 

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srm775 said:
You should remember this ... while it would be nice if your job was your fantasy job and everyday was a new miracle, but don't expect it. For most peIt ain't called work cause it's fun and exciting. If it was, it'd be called fun instead of work. You should find something that pays your bills and provides the financial security you need and doesn't make you want to kill yourself everyday you go to it.
This is something that hasn't been said enough in this thread yet.

One needs to sit down and carefully think about your situation. Are the things you are irritated by really going to change because you are in a new career? Do you expect that in a new career path you will be recognized as someone who needs to be promoted? Will you no longer have to deal with people who make decisions that you think are wrong? Will stupid people not be present in your new career path?


Are you certain that the job is the problem? Perhaps your life is otherwise empty or somehow unsatisfiying. Maybe it's time to make a change in other parts of your life. Perhaps you have some unresolved anger or grief that you need to face.

Or, and don't take this the wrong way, maybe you are not putting forth your best effort at work and are feeling a little insecure because the economy is turning.

I'm not saying any of the above is true--- I'm just saying you need to have an honest (and that's not 'mom-- I am not doing drugs' honest-- that's 'god is looking at my soul' honest) discussion with yourself about what's really going on.


And finally-- I sometimes see the decisions made by other people and think' that's just dumb'. Then I try to remind myself that the best decision for the company is not always the best decision from the perspective of the workers. Sometimes those 'dumb' decisions are actually the most correct decision.
 

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kornkob said:
This is something that hasn't been said enough in this thread yet.

One needs to sit down and carefully think about your situation. Are the things you are irritated by really going to change because you are in a new career? Do you expect that in a new career path you will be recognized as someone who needs to be promoted? Will you no longer have to deal with people who make decisions that you think are wrong? Will stupid people not be present in your new career path?


Are you certain that the job is the problem? Perhaps your life is otherwise empty or somehow unsatisfiying. Maybe it's time to make a change in other parts of your life. Perhaps you have some unresolved anger or grief that you need to face.

Or, and don't take this the wrong way, maybe you are not putting forth your best effort at work and are feeling a little insecure because the economy is turning.

I'm not saying any of the above is true--- I'm just saying you need to have an honest (and that's not 'mom-- I am not doing drugs' honest-- that's 'god is looking at my soul' honest) discussion with yourself about what's really going on.


And finally-- I sometimes see the decisions made by other people and think' that's just dumb'. Then I try to remind myself that the best decision for the company is not always the best decision from the perspective of the workers. Sometimes those 'dumb' decisions are actually the most correct decision.
That's right. No matter where you go, there you are. Sometimes the most important changes to make are within ourselves.
 

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Wow. Am I listening to the njnear76 from last year at this time? It's time to change jobs my friend. You are not going to make it work where you are at right now.

I left my last company last year and I really like the place I work now. A new job will give you an opportunity to begin again. One thing to keep in mind is that it is just a job and you are easily replaceable. The company survived before you and they will survive just fine without you. Also a job is not what defines you. You are doing it to make money.

It sounds like you take a lot of the stuff that happens at work personally. Don't do it. I am not saying don't do a good job, but don't allow people to make you feel like crap. They are not worth it. Also don't take your work home with you.

Again. I can relate. I'm only 31 myself and at my first job I tried to make a difference. Looking back at it now though, I probably was much too idealistic. It's much easier to just do your job and work with people then come up with the best solution to wow everyone over.

I had to learn how to get along and sell my ideas. Some people just naturally have that. It sounds like you are similar to me.

You'll eventually learn those skills, but it will take time. I have a good feeling that you might even make a great boss some day, because of these current experiences. So nothing is a waste unless you want it to be.
 
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Dextersmom

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Thanks everyone for giving your advice and suggestions as well as experiences. helped to show me that i'm not the only one who has gone through this. On some ends my experience is dead on with some of yours (sleep issues, anxiety, stress, depression).

I've though about running some kind of food service business whether it be a restaurant or bar or both, the reaons i've thought about that is because after a busy crazy day i'd get home and feel like i've accomplished something. I was dead tired but felt good. The reason i moved on was because I wasn't making enough money and i was living paycheck to paycheck. So in a way I sold out.

Last night and today I tried a different approach. I just didn't care (the fact that there was zero traffic this morning sure helped). I didn't care what time I got in, I decided i didn't care how long i'd be sitting in front of my monitor, and I don't really care about the commute home. Problem is, although i feel good now I know this will be in waves and I'll have to deal with this. I'll have to put more effort into looking for employment, and even perhaps mention what i'm going through to the HR department and perhaps they'll see what i'm dealing with.

I've always bottled things up and with work its no different because i don't want to seem like a cry-baby. There are many parts of my live that i've been able to change and let things out, but there still exist some parts that remain unchanged.
I need to start forcing a change...nobody is going to make the change for me obviously and a pitty party isn't going to solve anything either. Its scary...think thats one of the biggest parts.
Thanks again to everyone for the experiences and guidance. hopefully this will help give me the kick in the butt and confidence I need to continue looking and actively change my situation. and of course i'm gonna keep brewing. its that, and my other small passions that keep me goin because it gives me something to look forward to on the weekends.

Thanks again all!
 

kornkob

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Dextersmom said:
and even perhaps mention what i'm going through to the HR department and perhaps they'll see what i'm dealing with.
NO! Do not talk to the HR department like you talked to us. Repeat after me:

Human Resources does not care about me.

Human Resources exists to maintain the biological machines that do the work just like the techs take care of the mechanical machines. If they determine you are faulty you will be replaced. NOTHING YOU SAY TO HR IS REALLY CONFIDENTIAL FROM YOUR BOSS.

If the company isn't ALREADY working to find out why you aren't happy and fulfilling your potential, then HR definately isn't going to do you any good.



HR works for your boss, they don't work for you. This is true for your boss too.





You go to HR when you have some idea what it is you want them to do for you (and ultimately for the company). Ask if there are college credit compensation programs or training opportunities but don't tell them how you are feeling and expect that not to leak back to your boss.
 
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Dextersmom

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kornkob said:
NO! Do not talk to the HR department like you talked to us. Repeat after me:

Human Resources does not care about me.

Human Resources exists to maintain the biological machines that do the work just like the techs take care of the mechanical machines. If they determine you are faulty you will be replaced. NOTHING YOU SAY TO HR IS REALLY CONFIDENTIAL FROM YOUR BOSS.

If the company isn't ALREADY working to find out why you aren't happy and fulfilling your potential, then HR definately isn't going to do you any good.



HR works for your boss, they don't work for you. This is true for your boss too.





You go to HR when you have some idea what it is you want them to do for you (and ultimately for the company). Ask if there are college credit compensation programs or training opportunities but don't tell them how you are feeling and expect that not to leak back to your boss.


no I was going to maybe mention something like Jumbo82 did....could be better than not saying anything at all....
 

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srm775 said:
You should remember this ... while it would be nice if your job was your fantasy job and everyday was a new miracle, but don't expect it. For most peIt ain't called work cause it's fun and exciting. If it was, it'd be called fun instead of work. You should find something that pays your bills and provides the financial security you need and doesn't make you want to kill yourself everyday you go to it.

Lawrence Kersten wrote an article entitled "Why they call it work" which was published in the Harvard Business Journal. The funny thing is it was a parody on the workplace being designed as a place of toil and no self fulfillment. My boss handed it to me one day, under the assumption it wasn't a parody. If a job has come to the point of mere toil, lacking any fulfillment and you have an option then it's probably time to move on. I mean it's literally a third (or more) of your precious life.
 

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kornkob said:
NO! Do not talk to the HR department like you talked to us. Repeat after me:

Human Resources does not care about me.
The sole purpose of Human Resources is just that, to treat people as resources. They exist to impact the bottom line, nothing more. I wish I could say something positive about the concept of HR, but I cannot.
 

kornkob

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Dextersmom said:
no I was going to maybe mention something like Jumbo82 did....could be better than not saying anything at all....
If you have some idea what it is you want from them then it can be okay. I've just seen too many people burned by going to HR for 'help' with their career development and instead getting familiar with the BOHICA position (feet shoulder width apart, chin up, bright smile, eyes closed, hands on shoelaces--- bend over here it comes again).

Be wary of HR people who say they are there to help. Often they neglect to mention who they are there to help.
 

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I would go one step further and never mention that you are unhappy.

The workplace is a lot like a game of poker. You don't want anyone to know what cards you have in your hand. Keep them guessing by having a huge grin at all times.

I would get a new job when and if a better opportunity arises. If you are unhappy, it is time to move on.
 
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lol walk around all day with a daised look and a smile all day....they'll either promote me due because they're scared i'm gonna do something or fire me for being weird....

yeah i'm gonna move on once the opportunity presents itself. I wish i were independantly rich (who doesn't) i'd focus on brewing and go back to trying to be a superstar DJ. I mean thats what i'd like to do but its just not realistic...neither was being a tennis pro...never made it past college tennis.

i digress...a GRIN it is!
 

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Dextersmom said:
i digress...a GRIN it is!
Sadly, it's easier that way. Work place rules are never in your favor unless you own the business. I look over my shoulder at all times. I don't trust anyone.

Honestly it really sucks that you can't be yourself. Then again they aren't paying us for that. They are paying us to do a job.
 
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