Breaking up sucks <venting>...

[superfluent]

Even after half a bottle of really good wine and two Westwleteren life really sucks because I'm sepparating:-(.

We've been "common law" for the last 13 years (we met in collage). What sucks the most is that we've allways been and still are really, really good friends and we've never really been fighting a lot -even as we are sepparating. Still we've came to the conclusion that at this point in life, it's the least bad thing to do. We've become more friends than what's healty for a relationship.

I've never thought that parting from your girlfirend would going to be such a big deal once you've decided to do it but god damn, this is by far the most agonizing, stressful experience we've ever experienced in our lives (and we've gone through a fair deal of stressful situations in our lives, beleave me).

Right now life really sucks for both of us. We're hardly sleeping at all and we're both pretty much running on our rims emotionally, but still we somehow know that this must be done. Since we've allways been concidered "the perfect couple" we've had to explain each and every one of our friends how and why it didn't work out which really gets to you in the long run. On top of it all we both have pretty demanding jobs (she's an international stock broker and I run my own company) so we're both really pushing the outside of the envelope to keep it from getting ugly.

My second best friend (after my soon to be ex-girlfriend) said that there are people that have actually survived sepparation and managed to get their lives together but right now I have a hard time beleaving him.

H

 

[cubbies]

Wow. 13 years. I wish I had some sort of encouraging words to make you feel better, but I cant say that I do. Just remember the old saying: time heals all wounds. Life may be the pits right now (I can only imagine), but it will get better. Keep your chin up.

 

[McKBrew]

Hang in there Henrik. Maybe another couple of beers will start to heal you, just don't let it go too far. Hope things get better.

 

[JustDave]

That sucks man.

It's hard to feel positive about the future when you're feeling so bad now, but you'll make it through this.

 

[superfluent]

Hang in there Henrik. Maybe another couple of beers will start to heal you, just don't let it go too far. Hope things get better.

Actually, I can't remember when I had so few beers (or any other alcohol btw) as I've had in the last few month. Somehow I just subcontiously figured that getting drunk because of this is just escaping the reality of life. It kind of feels like ripping a band aid -it's just that we've been ripping i 10sq mile band aid for the last 8 weeks...

H

 

[superfluent]

That sucks man.

It's hard to feel positive about the future when you're feeling so bad now, but you'll make it through this.

like your avatar...

H

 

[brewt00l]

It does suck


The suck fades over time and before too long, it won't be so bad. You just have to hang in 'till then.

 

[superfluent]

It does suck


The suck fades over time and before too long, it won't be so bad. You just have to hang in 'till then.

Yes, right now it sucks goats *ss. Wirth the "glass half full" goggles on, it's the least bad solution right now. Still I'ts a rough ride of almost epic proportions for both of us but hopefully we'll both get somethig positive out of this.

H

 

[superfluent]

Wow. 13 years. I wish I had some sort of encouraging words to make you feel better, but I cant say that I do. Just remember the old saying: time heals all wounds. Life may be the pits right now (I can only imagine), but it will get better. Keep your chin up.

Thanks. 13 years...it's still 12,5 insanely great years. All we can say is that carrear isn't worth jack **** if it interfeeres with your relationship. In this context, "You don't know what you're missing until its gone" really gets a meaning.

...Just a few words from the trenches.

H

 

[Yooper]

I was married for 16 years and ended up getting divorced. Even though it seemed like the worst thing ever at the time, in retrospect it was best for both of us. We are both happier and in good relationships now (it's about 9 years later) and I can honestly say that the pain we lived through then was worth it in the end. I know it doesn't really help much now, but you will someday not hurt when you think about it. I promise.

 

[superfluent]

I was married for 16 years and ended up getting divorced. Even though it seemed like the worst thing ever at the time, in retrospect it was best for both of us. We are both happier and in good relationships now (it's about 9 years later) and I can honestly say that the pain we lived through then was worth it in the end. I know it doesn't really help much now, but you will someday not hurt when you think about it. I promise.

Yep, that's what we both know and that's what sucks the most. She and I both know that what we've done is the least bad thing to do right now but it still sucks reall bad.

What you find out when doing this journey is that it's insanely more complicated than you'd ever expect. Still I beleave we'll get through this without too much complications, We're still good friends. It sucks, but it woud be isanely more complicated if we whreren't friends...

H

 

[homebrewer_99]

Drastic times call for drastic measures...why don't you two just get married and have a child??? Your priorities will change forever!!

Family first, career's, well...come somewhere down the list, but not necessarily second...

 

[superfluent]

Drastic times call for drastic measures...why don't you two just get married and have a child??? Your priorities will change forever!!

Family first, career's, well...come somewhere down the list, but not necessarily second...

Um, whell It's kind of to late for that now... we just got it in the wrong order. I nor she beleave that children or mariage is a good way to patch up a broken relationship. As much as I don't want this to suck, it stil does, royally...

H

 

[PeteOz77]

Here's something else to keep in mind... Do everything you can to keep it civil (don't have sex with her best friend etc) Because a lot of people that split up, find out that 3,6 or maybe even 24 months down the road, they HAD it pretty good and are miserable without the person, and they get back together.

Seems far fetched, but I personally know people who got divorced after 2 years, then got back together about 12 months later, and got remarried 7 years ago.. still together!

 

[Philip1993]

What sucks the most is that we've always been and still are really, really good friends

We've become more friends than what's healty for a relationship.

this is by far the most agonizing, stressful experience we've ever experienced in our lives

Since we've allways been concidered "the perfect couple" we've had to explain each and every one of our friends how and why it didn't work out

My second best friend (after my soon to be ex-girlfriend)

I hate to go all Dr. Phil on you, but from your brief post it sounds to me like you have a good relationship that is just not any fun any more. Or perhaps it's not measuring up to your yardstick of where you would be at this point in your life.

I'm not pretending to know anything about you, and I'm certainly not telling you that you're wrong. But do yourselves a favor and take some time and think really hard if that's what's happening to you guys. Real love and real marriages aren't like the first 6 months, and they are nothing like you see in the movies. Sometimes they're great, other times they suck. That's just part of sharing your life with another person who's not a clone of you.

 

[paulthenurse]

What Yoop said. Married for 18 years with two great kids. But if it is broke and it is beyond fixing than the best thing is to move on with both of your lives. In the end it will be best for both of you. My kids were really angry at me for a while after their mother and I split up, but after a while they both, indevidually and seperately came to me and said, "You and Mom should have gotten devorced years ago, it would have been so much better for both of you."
From the mouths of babes.

 

[TexLaw]

Hang in there, man, and keep an open mind about what is going on. There is nothing wrong with mourning loss, but keep in mind that you will feel better in time if you let yourself.


TL

 

[superfluent]

I hate to go all Dr. Phil on you, but from your brief post it sounds to me like you have a good relationship that is just not any fun any more.

Well, if I was to go Dr. Phil on myself (after a couple weeks and a couple beers, mind you...) I'd say that we have had a great relationship but we've just grown apart.

We met when we where pretty young and we both had gone through really rough times. She stood by my side and I stood by hers and we got really close because of that. Still we where pretty different as persons. Over time we both got our lives sorted and the bond gradually faded. However, because both she and I viewed sepparation as a "failure" -an abnomality of the perfect life- we hung in there way longer than was good for us.

She worried about what I would do if she broke up with me and I worried how she would manage without me. We just kept compromising about things that neither of us *really* wanted to compromise about and that is what we take with us now; we got 10+ good years (which is more than most couple gets) and we get to go in the direction we want in our lives and the most important thing of all -we're still friends.

H