Brain vs Me...

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Brain: That post you just read is hilarious! Post something in reply!
Me: But my reply is slightly off the main thread's primary topic...
Brain: But, ... FUNNY!
Me: Yeah, funny to you, Brain, or really intrinsically funny or are you just caught up in a moment?
Brain: **POST IT NOW!!!**

<thread gets moved, the collective internet shakes its head, the sound of uproarious laughter is distinctly missing>

Me: stupid Brain.
 
Brain: You need to clean the garage today.
Me: But this chair is so comfy.
Brain: If you get up now you'll be done in two hours with plenty of time to surf HBT before taking Mom shopping.
Me: But, beer!
Brain:
Brain:
Brain: Dammit I have no argument to that.
Bottle: Fwoosh!
Butt: *settle*
 
Brain: I Know you like beer and all
Me: why are you talking to me again?
Brain: the internal organ dept is complaining they haven't gotten the vitamins, minerals, amino acids we all need again.
Me: so what? they like going to go on strike or something?
Brain: do you want to go through that again? seriously? your calorie intake is balanced and you CAN afford to pay them!
Me: Damn it! i don't feel like cooking though!

-------------edit

Brain: these are the organs simple, and reasonable demands....
1651546125196.png

Me: shut up! i told you to stop talking!
Brain: at least give them the green drink all you have to do is toss it in a blender!
Me: ....
Brain: why do i feel like i have company?
me: and you want me to respect you??? guess we're in this together though...but i might only finish 1 oz of the walnuts, now if you got me someone to candy them for me! i'd do the whole 2 ozs you need!
 
Last edited:
Me: well brain, i gotta be in bed by 7:30pm, so i can be up by 3-4am. so i can be ready for work at 6:30am?
Brain: I Thought you liked drinking? just yesterday i had to convince you to even consume something else?
Me: damn it, but finishing a beer in less then an hour feels like work?
Brain: m'f stop counting on me to spell it out for you, it's 'prep-work!'
 
Brain: It's time to wake up.
Me: I don't want to.
Brain: You'll be late for work.
Me: I don't care. I want to sleep in.
Brain: Final warning...
Me: Yeah? What are you gonna do about it? It's not like you can force me to get up.
Brain: <activates urge to pee>
Me: Dammit!
 
Brain: Are you going to drink some of that new batch of beer, or just stand there, looking at it?
Me: It's infected. I think I might pour it out.
Brain: Drink it anyway. Let's do this.
Me: See that slimy pellicle on the top? How can I drink that?
Brain: Since when has appearance mattered to you?
Me: But...it'll taste like ass and I might throw up.
Brain: You didn't throw up that time you brewed hootch in the sink in your cell.
Me: Point taken. Hand me a glass.
 
Me: I think i'm just an observer in this circus.
Soul: Damn, what was that, a blow from a cheetah?
Brain: yeah that's going to take a homebrew to clear up!
 
Brain: Yep I Don't know why i can't help people appreciate your humor......
Me: Whatever happened to that red skeleton clip of him squirting a wine bladder on the emperor?
Brain: that's it! but this as close as i can get!

 
Brain: I'm doing the math, instead of homebrewing and reading HBT, we could be working overtime and then have the cash to buy any beer you want and have a pile of money left over. There is unlimited overtime at work right now.
Me: Ok, but I despise my job and brewing beer shows that I can be creative and then I drink it to self-medicate because I'm often stressed out.
Brain: My research indicates that if you are self medicating in response to stress, then you need to make some changes
Me: That makes sense, but I like drinking beer, and I'm too old to change jobs right now.
Brain: I know how old we are, and opening that imperial stout you just got from the fridge is not logical, its after 9pm and we go to work early.
Me: Ok, now shut up and let me enjoy my evening...
 
Brain: Dude, someone's at the door. You order something?
Me: Yeah, 20 pounds of grain from the LHBS. Time to brew again.
Brain: Cool. I can feel the brain cells dying as we speak.
Me: ...Dafuq? They hosed my order. No grain, just a couple gallon jugs of molasses here.
Brain: And that's a problem...how? It's sugar. Last time I checked that's still fermentable.
Me: Molasses swill...are you out of your mind?
Brain: I AM your mind. Focus, man. Let's improvise.
Me: OK, I'm on it. What could possibly go wrong?
 
Brain; oh heck, it is only Thursday, can't have another beer.
Self; yeah, I know it sucks, but we'll enjoy the weekend more if we don't start it hung over.
Brain; Not to mention you have to fix steering linkage in mow truck.
Self; Lay off & heave to, it's getting late.
Brain; Then clean up & go to effing bed, you idiot.
Self; Hey! I resemble that remark!....
Brain; Don't be so hard on yourself.
Self; That's not what you.....

Anyway, I've got the two mixed up, so I'll demure at this point.

Have a good evening.
 
Me: Nah, I don't need a blowoff for this one. Only 1.052.
Brain: But you just raised the temperature to 68, you should really use a blowoff. And you've never used this yeast before, you don't know what it will do.
Me: It's already going good, it's not going to go crazy.
Brain: Ok, you apparently know what you're doing.
Hefeweizen: EXPLODE
Airlock: WHEEEEEEE!!!!
Krausen: Going on a trip to the big outside!
Fruit Flies: YUM!!
Brain (a zillion times): TOLD YOU SO
Me:
 
Brain- you are fu$$ed! and a broke alcoholic
Me- i know and fat too
Brain- you gotta relax with the drinking and start taking care of yourself
Me- i know i should cut back and drink only on sunday. 4-6 beers max and low carb food only
God- stfu matty just be a damn gentleman and stop with you’re flip flopping bs and get some me damn balance
 
Brain: The wife headed out of town so you decided to start a brew at 4pm?
Me: No trouble. All ready. All thought out. All measured out. All milled. LET'S DO THIS!
Brain: You do know what happens when you rush things, right?
Me: Go! Go! Go!
Brain: And you chose a lager, following @Bilsch 's advice to settle in kettle 2 hrs after chill?
Me: No problem.

<time passes>

Brain: Soooooo, you had a 0.25oz Magnum addition at 60min start of boil, right?
Me: Yup!
Brain: Soooooo, it's 5 minutes left in the boil, what's that little cup marked "1"?
Me: <blink> <blink>
 
MHBT said:
Brain- you are fu$$ed! and a broke alcoholic
Me- i know and fat too
Brain- you gotta relax with the drinking and start taking care of yourself
Me- i know i should cut back and drink only on sunday. 4-6 beers max and low carb food only
God- stfu matty just be a damn gentleman and stop with you’re flip flopping bs and get some me damn balance
Click to expand...


Brain: Why do i always read stuff like this?
Me: not sure man?
Brain: You do see the concrete wall in front of you?
Me: I have fun running into it because it's invisible!
Brain: Damn, not sure if it's still as easy and free to be rich?
Me: well c-net shouldn't be that bad a website?

https://download.cnet.com/Microsoft-Money-Plus-Sunset-Deluxe/3000-2057_4-77545178.html
Brain what about the skinny thing?
Me: that's still easy!

https://sourceforge.net/projects/cronometer/
Brain: dude you know personal responsibility is so 1980's!
Me: 🤔


:bigmug:
 
Me: I KNOW I have a spare picnic tap in here SOMEWHERE.
Brain: You probably threw it away in the last purge. Just buy one tomorrow at the LHBS, they're cheap.
Me: But it was JUST HERE. I saw it not three weeks ago!
Brain: And you have since thoroughly cleaned the brewery twice. Just BUY one for gawssakes.
Me: Can't hurt to look. Hey, THERE is that extra gray disconnect! And {insert random brewery parts here} THOSE that I was looking for last week! I'll just put them in this spot that I'll remember when I need them....
Brain: Sigh. Here we go again.
Me two weeks from today: I KNOW I have a spare gray disconnect in here SOMEWHERE.....
 
Brain: 1 more beer and you will look young and attractive to her

Me: “ baby are you tired? Because you have been running through my mind all evening”

Brain: lol! Better call an Uber to get you home!
 
Brain: WTF ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE??!!
Me: I dropped some kernels of barley while milling for today's batch
Brain: You know, you idiotic OCD mook, that a few kernels make not one whit of difference in your OG, right?
Me:
Brain: SERIOUSLY??!! You need to get going or you won't finish and clean up before Master gets home!
Me: you're right. Moving on. Thanks for having my back, Brain.

Brain: You know, you *could* calculate that amount of SG suppression by missing 8-12 barley kernels, just like @doug293cz ...

Me:
1662038107664.png
 
balrog said:
Brain: WTF ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE??!!
Me: I dropped some kernels of barley while milling for today's batch
Brain: You know, you idiotic OCD mook, that a few kernels make not one whit of difference in your OG, right?
Me:
Brain: SERIOUSLY??!! You need to get going or you won't finish and clean up before Master gets home!
Me: you're right. Moving on. Thanks for having my back, Brain.

Brain: You know, you *could* calculate that amount of SG suppression by missing 8-12 barley kernels, just like @doug293cz ...

Me:
View attachment 779584
Click to expand...
Gonna have to update my spreadsheet to keep track of more (in)significant digits. :cool:

Brew on :mug:
 
Me: You know, that American Strong aged on oak did great at the Fair in the American Strong category, I'll just enter it in the same category for these two competitions.
Brain: It sure has a lot of wood flavor...a LOT. Maybe enter it in the wood-aged category too?
Me: Nah, it will be fine!
BJCP Judges: Wood. All I taste is wood! Wrong Category!!!
Scoresheet: 24.5
Me: *kick* *kick* *kick* *kick*
My Bum: OW!!!
Brain: Told ya so, listen to me next time!!!
 
Brain: stop texting random stuff on your phone, you should work.
Brain: damn it, get the f off your phone!

....

Brain: dafuq?!?!

Me: but i have to show this to the homebrewtalk guys!

Brain:.... Do you like being employed and earning money?

Me: yeah... Kind of ....

Brain: THEN GET OFF THE PHONE YOU IDIOT!!!!?
 
Miraculix said:
Brain: stop texting random stuff on your phone, you should work.
Brain: damn it, get the f off your phone!

....

Brain: dafuq?!?!

Me: but i have to show this to the homebrewtalk guys!

Brain:.... Do you like being employed and earning money?

Me: yeah... Kind of ....

Brain: THEN GET OFF THE PHONE YOU IDIOT!!!!?
Click to expand...
I agree with brain. Us retired folks need the rest of you to stay hard at work (or at least sort of at work).
 
Me (BTW continuation of previous conversations): That damned drill battery charger has to be here SOMEWHERE. The corded drill doesn't work for the new mill and we're screwed!!
Brain: Here is HD website, see what they have.
Me: Oh, they have a nice Ridgid 18v cordless that's just like the bit driver the husband bought...uses the same battery too... *tick tick tick tick*
Brain: Just wait, she'll catch up in a moment.
Me: Rushes to grab said cordless drill to look at specs.
Brain: *jeopardy theme played in a minor key*
Me: IT'S THE SAME DAMNED TOOL!!! How could I be so stupid????
New Grain Mill: WHIRR WHIRR WHIRR chew chew chew spit spit spit
Recently milled two-row: OUCH I'm squished but my hulls are so damn purdy!!
Brain: Aren't you the one who brags to all your friends about all 'your' tools?
Me: Shut up brain.
 

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