Best News Headlines

[lurker18]

Drake Accused of Putting Hot Sauce in Condom After Sex

According to a gossip account called Too Much Hot Tea, the rapper hooked up with an unnamed Instagram model a few weeks ago. After attending a party together, the woman alleged they went to his hotel and smoked weed before having sex with condom, which Drake ended up disposing of in the bathroom.

www.papermag.com

Now that is some outside the box money making idea right there. If it worked she gets paid, now that it didn't she sues. Merica.

 

[davidabcd]

It would seem no different than someone grabbing a rotten piece of food from the dumpster behind a restaurant, eating it, getting sick and then suing the restaurant.
Someone starting a sentence with "I took it out of the garbage and..." should get them jail time just for being stupid.

 

[Jhedrick83]

Drake Accused of Putting Hot Sauce in Condom After Sex

According to a gossip account called Too Much Hot Tea, the rapper hooked up with an unnamed Instagram model a few weeks ago. After attending a party together, the woman alleged they went to his hotel and smoked weed before having sex with condom, which Drake ended up disposing of in the bathroom.

www.papermag.com

Now that is some outside the box money making idea right there. If it worked she gets paid, now that it didn't she sues. Merica.

 

[balrog]

“And he’s got a big KNOOOOOB”

 

[Sailingeric]

I will just leave this here.

School district denies litter boxes for students identifying as ‘furries’

A concerned parent had reported being “really disturbed” by a wild rumor that a school provided a litter box for “kids that identify as cats.”

nypost.com

 

[day_trippr]

I saw a link to that story yesterday. Refused to click on it. Still do

 

[Sailingeric]

I saw a link to that story yesterday. Refused to click on it. Still do

At first I thought it was an Onion article.

 

[doug293cz]

At first I thought it was an Onion article.

It's almost impossible to tell by the headlines any more.

Brew on

 

[Homebrew Harry]

... Refused to click on it. Still do

Same here....and I had the urge to cover it up.

 

[Kent88]

 

[Northern_Brewer]

Man arrested for shovel attack following a row over taste of Busch Light

A man was arrested in Alabama for attacking his neighbour with a shovel after the neighbour told him that "Busch Light tastes like water."

www.thedrinksbusiness.com

 

[Brooothru]

Man arrested for shovel attack following a row over taste of Busch Light

A man was arrested in Alabama for attacking his neighbour with a shovel after the neighbour told him that "Busch Light tastes like water."

www.thedrinksbusiness.com

Reminds one of Jack Nicholson's outburst at the end of "A Few Good Men."

"You want the TRUTH??!!?? You can't HANDLE the truth."

 

[soccerdad]

Here in Georgia we change clocks by an hour if we travel to Alabama. Which leads to the adage, "Ah, Alabama, they are more than just an hour behind us."

 

[doogie]

Unfortunate truncation

This headline came across: "High-Speed Trading Firm Jump to Execute Retail Investors"

Full Headline: "High-Speed Trading Firm Jump to Execute Retail Investors' Stock Trades"

 

[homebeerbrewer]

Florida Man strikes again:

Florida man steals car; train sends it crashing into house

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. (AP) — A Florida man says he jumped from a stolen car seconds before it was hit by a train and sent flying into a nearby home. The sleeping residents were unharmed and the man was later arrested, authorities said.

apnews.com

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Um-kay

Zoo hires Marvin Gaye impersonator to get monkeys in the mood

A British zoo aiming to bolster its population of endangered monkeys hired a Marvin Gaye impersonator to visit the enclosure and croon love songs.

www.upi.com

 

[Northern_Brewer]

What's going on?

 

[soccerdad]

Um-kay

Zoo hires Marvin Gaye impersonator to get monkeys in the mood

A British zoo aiming to bolster its population of endangered monkeys hired a Marvin Gaye impersonator to visit the enclosure and croon love songs.

www.upi.com

They're monkeys. They'd just as soon jerk off.

 

[Brooothru]

What's going on?

"Right on, Baby. Right on."

 

[Kent88]

A motorcycle tire stuck around a crocodile's neck for 6 years is finally removed

 

[Northern_Brewer]

OK, this is a Reddit and not technically a "news" headline, but it involves someone from Florida being stupid so I think it qualifies here under bylaw 439 :

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

They're monkeys. They'd just as soon jerk off.

Yup, that fact and that they mount each other just for the fun of it or to show dominance makes this truly silly and unnecessary. They don’t even care if people are watching.

 

[Brooothru]

OK, this is a Reddit and not technically a "news" headline, but it involves someone from Florida being stupid so I think it qualifies here under bylaw 439 :

Wow. Do I feel foolish. All this time I've been adding ounces of fluorine.

 

[soccerdad]

I always buy by the gram in Florida

 

[Deadalus]

Google won't convert a lid to grams either...

 

[Kent88]

The Dutch vow to egg Jeff Bezos' yacht if a bridge is dismantled to let his boat pass

 

[balrog]

Are Dutch eggs kinda like Scotch eggs, but with tulips and hash?

 

[Kent88]

The difference is kinda like the difference between a London fog and a Dublin fog

 

[Homebrew Harry]

Google won't convert a lid to grams either...

Wow. I vaguely remember lids

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

The Dutch vow to egg Jeff Bezos' yacht if a bridge is dismantled to let his boat pass

They proclaim this as if they have a supply of rotten eggs at the ready. Who has that?

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Are Dutch eggs kinda like Scotch eggs, but with tulips and hash?

My guess is tulips and herring.

 

[Northern_Brewer]

They proclaim this as if they have a supply of rotten eggs at the ready. Who has that?

The bins at the nearest advocaat factory?

 

[Kent88]

They proclaim this as if they have a supply of rotten eggs at the ready. Who has that?

Well, how long will it take for that bridge to be dismantles and the super yacht to pass by?

Long enough for a few eggs to go bad, I assume.

If not, do the eggs need to be rotten?

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Well, how long will it take for that bridge to be dismantles and the super yacht to pass by?

Long enough for a few eggs to go bad, I assume.

If not, do the eggs need to be rotten?

Yes! Rotten eggs all the way!

 

[balrog]

Yes! Rotten eggs all the way!

I think if you practice closed transfer from chicken to CO2 flushed carton, you can increase the time before the go ba

Oh never mind. It wasn’t that good of a joke and way off topic.

 

[Kent88]

I think if you practice closed transfer from chicken to CO2 flushed carton, you can increase the time before the go ba

Oh never mind. It wasn’t that good of a joke and way off topic.

It's ok, nobody took the bait earlier when I brought up London fog vs Dublin fog. That wasn't a good joke either.

 

[balrog]

It's ok, nobody took the bait earlier when I brought up London fog vs Dublin fog. That wasn't a good joke either.

i desperately tried to come up with a sulfates or brogue joke but the muse failed me.

 

[Kent88]

i desperately tried to come up with a sulfates or brogue joke but the muse failed me.

London fog uses Earl Grey, Dublin fog uses Irish Breakfast. Also, Dublin fog harbors a great resentment toward London fog.

 

[soccerdad]

It is said that Earl Grey has bergamot in it because they found it settled the Earl's sensitive stomach. He should have tried Dark Mild

 

[day_trippr]

I've always been suspicious of the whole "ice fishing" thing

Ohio mayor: Ice shanties may lead to prostitution

The mayor of an upscale city outside Cleveland has raised eyebrows nationally for his comment at a recent City Council meeting that allowing ice fishing from shanties could lead to prostitution. (Feb. 10)

news.yahoo.com