Best News Headlines

[HoppyDaze]

I often come across hilarious headlines while wasting time at work or at home. Can you beat this?


Philly Weatherman Who Got Roofied And Robbed By Latvian Escorts Allegedly **** His Pants

 

[KayaBrew]

FTW!

That is unbeatable!

 

[HoppyDaze]

Police Have To Use Tear Gas To Subdue Fighting Fans At Wheelchair Basketball Game

 

[nmfree]

 

[HoppyDaze]

Man chokes girlfriend with dreadlocks

 

[GarageDweller]

camel toads. you guys make me . i have nothing further

 

[Airplanedoc]

Poll: Congress less popular than cockroaches, Nickelback


http://www.wandtv.com/story/20547812/poll-congress-less-popular-than-cockroaches-nickelback

 

[sweetcell]

Gordon Ramsay's Dwarf Porn Double Found Dead in a Badger Den in Wales
http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/ne...ger-den-in-wales/story-e6frev20-1226137951576

</thread>

EDIT: looks like that story has been taken down. it's still here, tho: http://radaronline.com/exclusives/2011/09/gordon-ramsay-dwarf-porn-double-found-dead-badger-set/

 

[JonM]

My favorite was a printing error. The headline was supposed to say "Thompson's pen is a sword." A crease in the paper eliminated the space between "pen" and "is."

Made for a disturbing image of our governor.

 

[HoppyDaze]

Turkish Woman Decapitated In Go-Kart Crash

 

[terrapinj]

Vladimir Putin Enlists Boyz II Men to Boost Russia’s Declining Birth Rate

 

[TyTanium]

Here's one:

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Here's one:

I'm trying to keep it together... I almost put my coffee cup to my lips and did a spit-take... if I had read this 30 seconds later I would have.

 

[nmfree]

 

[HoppyDaze]

Burglars Steal $7,500 Worth Of Vintage Porn From Michigan Couple

 

[JonM]

Grammatical error AND unintentional innuendo.

 

[sweetcell]

Hooters theft ends up with a big surprise for a couple of boobs

http://m.now.msn.com/jukebox-not-atm-stolen-from-san-diego-hooters

The two young thieves who broke into a San Diego Hooters used a truck with a tow strap to wrench what they likely thought was an ATM machine out of the lobby of the chain breastaraunt. But when they got the free-standing machine home, they were probably sad to see it wasn't stuffed with stacks of bills. Instead, it was full of the greatest hits of the ‘80s and ‘90s, because they stole the Hooter’s juke box. Police are pretty sure the thieves thought it was an ATM. (Because thanks to mp3 players, unless you’re an uncle with a billiards room you don’t need a jukebox.) Sucks to be you, dummies! Enjoy the Lynyrd Skynyrd.

 

[HoppyDaze]

Dennis Rodman Reportedly Kicked Out Of Hotel Bar For Talking About How Rad Kim Jong Un Is

 

[terrapinj]

 

[CreamyGoodness]

interestingly, there are no canolas in nature. Canola is a word made up to replace its prior name "rape-seed"

I seldom cook with canola or rapeseed oil. Doesnt seem right.

 

[jasonsbeer]

Sorry - no photo on this one, but a classic from my childhood...

"Problem with teenage sex is mounting"

 

[m_c_zero]

 

[HoppyDaze]

Naked Florida Man, Threatens Cops On Facebook Then Tasers Officer

 

[arturo7]

Penguins Summon Satan


http://www.cbc.ca/sports/hockey/story/2009/04/10/sp-penguins-satan.html

 

[nmfree]

Naked Florida Man, Threatens Cops On Facebook Then Tasers Officer

You could pretty much make a live feed from Florida Man on Twitter.

 

[HoppyDaze]

You blew my cover!

 

[terrapinj]

Man Tries to take Photo of Beaver, It Kills Him

 

[BoomerHarley]

http://blog.sfgate.com/crime/2013/04/11/victim-recalls-assailants-breasts-little-else/

 

[nmfree]

 

[HoppyDaze]

A Drunk Australian Woman Watched ‘Braveheart’ And Attacked Her Neighbors With A Sword

 

[HoppyDaze]

Texas Dude Says “bless That Alligator,” Jumps Into River – Instantly Eaten By Alligator

 

[nmfree]

Texas Dude Says &#8220;bless That Alligator,&#8221; Jumps Into River &#8211; Instantly Eaten By Alligator

http://www.theczabe.com/the-post/tommie-woodward-american-legend/

 

[nmfree]

Pennsylvania Man Caught Naked in Hog Barn Drunk on Hamm’s Beer
Key Quote: "Asked by police to explain his presence in the barn, Henry said, 'I just like pigs.'"

 

[drainbamage]

Famous last words:

 

[jafo28]

Been a news helicopter pilot for eight years and this was my first chase. They just don't happen, or last that long here unlike SoCal.

 

[sweetcell]

^ somewhat

"Women's Football - Minus Lingerie" - so they're playing completely naked except for pads, helmets and shoes???

 

[DrunkleJon]

^ somewhat

"Women's Football - Minus Lingerie" - so they're playing completely naked except for pads, helmets and shoes???

Maybe its just womens football. normal style. Basically lingere league without the revealing uniforms and instead jerseys and real pants. In other words. No one is going to watch it.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Here are a couple

 

[m00ps]

Shameless plug but I feel the need to post this article that was written about me recently:
Homebrewer Awakes from a Coma Only to Worry About His Beer

 

[DrunkleJon]

Lawyer Allegedly Insults Client's Manhood, Challenges Him to a Duel