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brewhead

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All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
--Dave Barry


post yours
 

El Pistolero

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No thanks, one more and I'll turn invisible and bullet proof, and I'll be lookin to breed something.
--Earl the Coon Hunter
 

wild

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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. -- W. C. Fields

Wild
 

timdsmith72

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
 

Rhoobarb

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"I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming." -- Homer Simpson
 

Born Brewing Co.

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"Beer...the cause and solution to all of life's problems" - Homer Simpson

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case...coincidence?
 

SwAMi75

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Not really a beer quote, but one of my favorites:

"You're not drunk if you can lay on the floor without hanging on."

--Dean Martin
 

clef

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"The first drink makes you a playful gazelle, the second a dashing zebra, the third a roaring lion, and the fourth a silly jackass again." - Turkish Saying
 

andre the giant

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One of my favorite college drinking songs wasThis 1700's drinking song:

Down Among the Dead Men

Here's a health to the King, and a lasting peace
May faction end and wealth increase.
Come, let us drink it while we have breath,
For there's no drinking after death.
And he who would this toast deny,
Down among the dead men,down among the dead men,
Down, down, down, down;
Down among the dead men let him lie!

"Dead men" would be the "dead soldiers" or empties that are strewn around under the table at the local pub. So, if you choose not to drink with us, we'll lay you out flat! :)
 

kenmc

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I drink therefore I am.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

If after 11 pints your beer becomes strangly pale and tasteless, youve probably finished your pint. Get someone to buy some more for you. If the opposite wall is covered in flourescent lights, you have fallen down drunk. Get someone to tie you to the bar counter.
 

sudsmonkey

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My Dad used to drink Pearl Light. He told me once that there was trivia on the can. Here's one from him.

The more you drink, the smarter you get.
- Charlie Croom
 

Rhoobarb

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I had to look this one up, but I recalled it fondly -

Cliff Clavin explaining his "Buffalo Theory" to Norm Peterson at Cheers:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
 

MrBulldogg

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"Recently, I began to feel this void in my life, even after meals, and I said to myself: 'Dave, all you do with your spare time is sit around and drink beer. You need a hobby.' So I got a hobby. I make beer."
-- Dave Barry
 

Baron von BeeGee

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Just about any Normism!:

SAM : What'll you have, Norm?
NORM : Well I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll have a glass of whatever comes of whatever comes out of that tap.
SAM : Oh, Looks like beer, Norm.
NORM : Call me Mister Lucky.


WOODY: Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.
NORM : I know, and if she calls, I'm not here.


WOODY: Hey Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost been nipping at your nose?
NORM : Yep. Now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?


COACH: Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
NORM : No, I know what one looks like. Just pour me one.


COACH: How about a beer, Norm?
NORM : Hey I'm high on life, Coach....Of course, beer is my life.


COACH: How's a beer sound, Norm?
NORM : I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.
 

Ize

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"Care to donate 5 dollars to the indigent beer fund?"

-Panhandler on Fremont Street. in Las Vegas.

(and yeah I gave him the 5 bucks for creativity's sake....)




Ize
 

uglygoat

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One should always be drunk. That's all that matters;
that's our one imperative need. So as not to feel Time's
horrible burden one which breaks your shoulders and bows you down, you must get drunk without cease.
But with what?
With wine, poetry, or virtue
as you choose.
But get drunk.
And if, at some time, on steps of a palace,
in the green grass of a ditch,
in the bleak solitude of your room,
you are waking and the drunkenness has already abated,
ask the wind, the wave, the stars, the clock,
all that which flees,
all that which groans,
all that which rolls,
all that which sings,
all that which speaks,
ask them, what time it is;
and the wind, the wave, the stars, the birds, and the clock,
they will all reply:
"It is time to get drunk!
So that you may not be the martyred slaves of Time,
get drunk, get drunk,
and never pause for rest!
With wine, poetry, or virtue,
as you choose!"


Charles Baudelaire
 

flingdingo

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On the wall at my LHBS -

Give a man a beer, he wastes an hour.

Teach a man to brew, he wastes a lifetime.
 

The Happy Mug

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"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your beer."
-Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
-Winston's reply
 

Pumbaa

I prefer 23383
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I got these from a friend as a e-mail . . . Some are probably already posted but it's early and I'm too lazy to think right now
,,l,, >.< ,,l,,

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Babe Ruth

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~ Lyndon B. Johnson

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."
~ Ernest Hemingway

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Paul Hornung

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ H. L. Mencken

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ George Bernard Shaw

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry

BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!
~ W. C. Fields

Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
~ Professor Irwin Corey

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Leo Durocher

And My personal favorite . . . .
One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the" Buffalo Theory" to his buddy Norm:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.! In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

And just one of my own personal rules of life . . .
Never trust a religion that doesnt allow a person to drink
 
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"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose."
-Deep Thought, Jack Handy

"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine."
-David Moulton

"Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working."
-Harold Rudolph

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."
-Frank Zappa
 
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