Are my beer ruined?!?!

[Nate1977]

hey guys quick question for you here i am brewing a big imperial porter and my carboys are in a spare room well i walked in there and the cat was drinking out of it and i grabbed him and a bunch off his hair just fell right off into the wort like about a handful he is losing his hair cuz he is so old anyway i reached in there and tried to grab most of it but my pen fell in there and i got angry and jerked my head around ended up busting it on the window sill well sure enough im bleeding like a stuck pig and id say about a good two tablespoons went into the wort then so im yelling my head off and my ninety six year old grandfather even older than my cat wheels in and hes cussing at me but he sees the blood all over my head and face and the old fellow cant stand the sight of blood since the ardennes and he throws up pretty bad and id say maybe about a teaspoon of that got into the wort he tried to clean it up but his hands are pretty chapped and after twenty mintues or so of it he said the wort was kind of stinging his chapped skin so i just told him dont worry about it grandpa

so i guess my question is is my beer ruined

 

[BrooZer]

Whoa dude, can you edit that? NO one will read it because you have zero periods.

 

[eddie]

This is a joke right?

 

[Pugilist]

If this isnt a joke, its scary.

 

[Orfy]

I can't get past the first line. Hard to read and based on the replies not worth reading.

 

[clemson55]

My vote is ruined, even if it isnt ruined you couldnt really serve it to anyone since your blood is in it.

 

[Yuri_Rage]

ur beer r definatly ruined you shud dump it cuz it are no good no more ur grampa is a dumhed and u r tarded 4 having catz hahaha lolz u suxxorz

 

[Chriso]

I would say it's good enough to post a video of it on YouTube. You should mash some bird feathers, and at least one rusty nail in it too. And then plug yourself on a minimum of three different forum sites.

You should add some periods, commas, and capital letters to your post, so that we can actually read what the blue blazes you're talking about. I'm sure we could give you better help at that point.

Then again, I know that you know what Bell's Two Hearted is, and in fact have cloned it.... and I know you know some advanced formulas.... so I think this is just a light-hearted reminder to all of us to RDWHAHB.

Am I right? What did I win?

 

[mrfocus]

I don't even know what to say.

 

[McKBrew]

Has to be a joke, his other posts are basically normal and readable.

 

[blacklab]

wow that is totalllly freekey dude i think your $hit is straight rooned lol haha l33t beetches

 

[karbinator]

+2 (tarded)

I needed a good laugh......thanks

 

[SuperiorBrew]

long tarded rant +

his hands are pretty chapped and after twenty mintues or so of it he said the wort was kind of stinging his chapped skin

git yer gran pappy sum o dis fer his hands

 

[Fingers]

ur beer r definatly ruined you shud dump it cuz it are no good no more ur grampa is a dumhed and u r tarded 4 having catz hahaha lolz u suxxorz

My first good laugh today. Thanks Yuri!

 

[Jamo99]

Other than your specific gravities being effected, it's nothing that a little bottle conditioning can't handle.

What did your grandpa have for lunch? Please tell me a heaping bowl of cottage cheese.

 

[Warped04]

ur beer r definatly ruined you shud dump it cuz it are no good no more ur grampa is a dumhed and u r tarded 4 having catz hahaha lolz u suxxorz

apparently yuri speaks gobly gook

 

[Ooompa Loompa]

Well, you just added a bunch of nasties to your beer, so what you need to do is kill them!!! I'd add about a cup of bleach to the brew, and you'll be good!!!

 

[RICLARK]

Just rack it, bottle it and give it to your grand pappy to drink and see if he thinks its ruined! Gotta be a joke.

 

[bobovski]

I wasn't laughing until his pen fell in. Now I can't stop.

 

[Sea]

We now know the answer to the age old question:

"Is our children learning?"

Puked up Porter does have a nice ring to it!

 

[EvilTOJ]

Here, I have a few more of these, it looks like you're out;

. . . , . . , . ; ; : . , . , . ... ,

 

[HighPlainsDrifter]

I think that it will be fine as im sure that you know from the budweiser commercials porters are good at hiding errors because the are not lagers but if you think that there is even the slightest chance that some dust got into it then you are screwed think about it cats are clean animals im 100 percent certian that a little bit of cat hair is sanitary the same goes for your gramps blood and upchuck which is also sanitary if they wernt youd be dead it comes from inside your body after all the thing id be most worried about would be the pen there was probably a spec of dust on that dust = bad i would give it some time and give it a taste if it tastes alright drink it you ought to be able to come up with a real good name for it

 

[BierMuncher]

You owe me 47 seconds.

 

[thunderbyte]

so i guess my question is is my beer ruined

No, I think the beer is still good! Im pretty sure this is the Schlitz beer recipe. Some blood, a little old man puke and some cat hair? Mmmmm, thats the stuff dreams are made from! If only you could get your hands on a teaspoon of lizard urine, it would be perfect. Someone will correct me if Im wrong though.

This has to be some type of record for longest sentence with no punctuation.

 

[Go Gators]

You owe me 47 seconds.

I agree, but still amusing.

 

[eddie]

No, I think the beer is still good! Im pretty sure this is the Schlitz beer recipe. Some blood, a little old man puke and some cat hair? Mmmmm, thats the stuff dreams are made from! If only you could get your hands on a teaspoon of lizard urine, it would be perfect. Someone will correct me if Im wrong though.

This has to be some type of record for longest sentence with no punctuation.

No, I think you've got it right. It's definitely missing lizard urine. Maybe hock a loogie in there for good measure.

 

[Benny Blanco]

Truth is your ****ed up. You talk like a fag and your sh1ts all retarded.

Why come you don't have a tatoo?

 

[Sean]

You might want to add a bit of sweetner to balance out the acid of the bile which will have a bittering effect similar to hops.

Don't forget to boil the sugar.

 

[RICLARK]

You might want to add a bit of sweetner to balance out the acid of the bile which will have a bittering effect similar to hops.

Don't forget to boil the sugar.

ya I was thinking about the old man barf ending the hop crisis I wonder what the AAu's are....:rockin:

 

[PeteOz77]

You beat me to it. I wanted to post a fake NewB thread that went like this:

Hi! Am new to all of this Brewing stuff, but I have a question.

I left the lid off my fermenting bucket, which I keep in the toilet (coolest room in the house) I accidentally **** in it last night, which was pretty bad, but when I truned around and saw what I had done, it made me vomit ... into the fermenter as well.

I got a spaghetti striner and gou the biggest lumps and chunks out.

Will my brew be OK?

 

[PeteOz77]

Are your beer ruined?

No, but all your base are belong to us.

 

[HuggerOrange]

Hmmmm..... crack.....beer.....crack......beer

I know - smoke crack while making beer !!!

 

[DeathBrewer]

ur beer r definatly ruined you shud dump it cuz it are no good no more ur grampa is a dumhed and u r tarded 4 having catz hahaha lolz u suxxorz

lol, that's the funniest thing i've seen today.

yuri is so leet and haxxorz

 

[ohiobrewtus]

I know I'm a bit late on this one but omfg... really?

You guys are a bunch of elitist a$$$unts!

 

[Willy Boner]

Should be fine, bottle and try it on Grampa first. And then people you don't really care for that much. If they keep it down,well ............

 

[anti-bud]

na man don't worry about it, your beer should be fine. i would say eat half a dozen chilli peppers and wash it down with a carton of buttermilk. then stick your fingers down your throat and puke all over your beer. Immediatley bottle after puking and enjoy. You can never have too much puke.

 

[Jumbo82]

Haha, that was good for a laugh. Thanks.

P.S. I'm shocked how many people took this post seriously...

 

[BrooZer]

AS always...RDWHAHB!

 

[Dr_Deathweed]

Are your beer ruined?

No, but all your base are belong to us.

ARRRGH!!!! YOU BEAT ME TO IT!!!!















bastage....

 

[Thecakepounder]

hey guys quick question for you here i am brewing a big imperial porter and my carboys are in a spare room well i walked in there and the cat was drinking out of it and i grabbed him and a bunch off his hair just fell right off into the wort like about a handful he is losing his hair cuz he is so old anyway i reached in there and tried to grab most of it but my pen fell in there and i got angry and jerked my head around ended up busting it on the window sill well sure enough im bleeding like a stuck pig and id say about a good two tablespoons went into the wort then so im yelling my head off and my ninety six year old grandfather even older than my cat wheels in and hes cussing at me but he sees the blood all over my head and face and the old fellow cant stand the sight of blood since the ardennes and he throws up pretty bad and id say maybe about a teaspoon of that got into the wort he tried to clean it up but his hands are pretty chapped and after twenty mintues or so of it he said the wort was kind of stinging his chapped skin so i just told him dont worry about it grandpa

so i guess my question is is my beer ruined

This is the best post i ever came across. The serious bros commenting makes this gold. I admire your work as a fellow troll.